Last week Jason threw an impromptu pool party, went oot with Jillian, passionately kissed Melissa, and kicked Raquel to the curb. This is about the time when it becomes clear who his favorites are and which girls are just biding their time until Jason rejects them. Let the tears begin.The profuse use of expletives (and my review/recap) begins after the jump.
We start with a review of the last episode...Jason kissed a bunch of people, the girls got bitchy, and some crazies went home. So um, pretty much exactly what we’ll see on all of the episodes, I’m guessing. If the previews are any indication, this episode is going to have lots and lots of Rose Ceremony drama, so uh, let’s get to it!
Chris Harrison, who honestly, should be allowed to showcase his sense of humor more...or at all, starts up by telling the girls there will be a group date and two 1-on-1 dates, all of which will have roses. So...if the 1-on-1 girls don’t get roses, they’re gone. Not all girls get a date again this week.
Chris Harrison then gives them the first date box and it’s for...Stephanie! “Come play with me. J”. Kinky. Stephanie is unshockingly excited. Megan is super upset, because she was SURE she was going to get the first 1-on-1 date, although I’m really not sure why she thought that at all. Because she’s self-absorbed, perhaps?
We hear Stephanie talking about her husband dying...again. We get it. It was tragic. Then she talks about her daughter, whose birthday it is. In the limo on the way to the date, she tries to call her daughter to wish her a happy birthday, but is only able to leave a message. Oh, and apparently Stephanie’s dead husband approves of Jason becoming Sophia’s daddy. Okay. Thanks for that news, John Edwards (not THAT one, the psychic John Edwards). I respectfully disagree that he would approve, and think we would like her to find love off of national TV.
They start their date on the beach, and Stephanie does a cartwheel, because it would impress her daughter when she watches. Uh, please tell me her daughter isn’t going to be watching the show. “So...this is mommy competing with a bunch of other girls to win you a daddy!” Stephanie and Jason talk about how hard it is for Stephanie being away from her daughter, especially on her birthday. Oooh...the foreshadowing. Stephanie talks about how Sophia might get a role model and daddy out of this, which seems kind of...super intense to me. Uh...let’s slow things down a little sweetheart. It’s your first date...
All of a sudden Jason’s all “what’s that?” and Stephanie turns around and it’s Sophia. They run towards each other and Sophia kind of...head butts Stephanie. Other than that, it’s a pretty sweet moment. Stephanie and Sophia frolic on the beach and in the water and Jason tears up while watching...awww. Sophia’s pretty dang cute, just saying. Jason agrees with me.
Jason says the moment is “magical” and that they were “the happiest tears he could have ever felt”. Awww...it’s like Jason has a vagina! And um, I’m an ass. The three of them look like a cute little family together/Stephanie and Jason just met a week ago.
Next they take Sophia to Legoland as a birthday treat, and apparently they have the whole park to themselves. I’m kind of jealous...or at least the 4 year old version of me is. They go on a bunch of rides and play and all that, with Sophia looking super adorable in this little pink princess dress. They look like a cute little family, and Jason tells the camera about how much Ty would get along with Sophia. Unlike most children, Sophia and Ty both like playing, toys, and trying new things. Wow, those are some special kids you got there. They would not have fit in with me as a child. I was mostly morose and I loved doing algorithms. Stephanie tells the camera how awesome of a family they’d be. Once again...slow down there.
Stephanie and Jason talk (while Sophia plays in a water park) about the role that Ty’s stepmom would have in Ty’s life, and Jason thinks Stephanie understands that Ty doesn’t need a mom. Then, yay, more talk about the dead husband. And Stephanie apparently wants a man she can take care of. Ick. She might have well told Jason that she has her apron pressed and waiting. Okay, now she talks about a husband and wife should meet each others’ needs and take care of each other, which is way less 1950’s housewife sounding, thank god.
Back to the girl at the mansion...Shannon, Naomi, Melissa, Kari, Jillian, Nikki, Erica, and Megan get invited on a group date “Let’s get busted for a good cause”. Oooh, are they going to prison? Molly, Lauren, and Natalie are the only ones who haven’t gotten dates yet this episode. Which one will get the 1-on-1? Oh, the mystery! Or we already saw in the previews. (Spoiler alert...it’s Natalie). But yeah...
Returning to the Jason/Stephanie/Sophia date....Jason grabs a lego rose (how cute), and tells Stephanie and Sophia what a great time he had, and offers Stephanie the rose. Stephanie thinks that they’re moving towards falling in love. Sophia agrees that it was the most awesome birthday in the whole wide world. Well I mean, it wasn’t Disney World, but okay. Sophia’s wearing like...her forth outfit of the day now. I like this kid.
Now we get even more talk about the dead husband. Man, I feel like a jerk saying this, but I’m soooo over the dead husband. Anyway, they put Sophia in the limo and away she goes. Stephanie didn’t get ANY alone time with Jason. Hmmm.
Now it’s the “sexy date” time with Erica, Jillian, Kari, Megan, Melissa, Naomi, and Shannon.
We see the girls at home, and Molly and Natalie are glad they didn’t have the group date because the other girls are annoying. Well, fair enough, honestly.
Jason wants to surprise the girls, and surprise them he does by taking them to some sort of...bust gallery. They’re going to make chest molds of themselves, paint them, and auction them off for breast cancer awareness. Pretty cool, but um, who’d want these girls’ busts?
Jason takes off his shirt (not complaining at all) and the girls lube him up. It’s like some sort of kinky orgy. Interesting. Shannon makes creepy stalker comments to the camera. Then they make a cast of Jason. Next the girls go behind colored light panels and strip, kind of like...strippers. Jillian thinks it’s empowering...being naked I guess? I think that’s what she said at least...I was distracted by her annoyingness. The girls get all molded up, and Jason comes back and helps with the end of the process. The girls are very excited. Shannon asks Jason to put plaster on her body so that she can, I dunno, smell his hair and stare at him. Megan wants to stand in public and be casted to help others. Who would she help by doing that...horny homeless guys?
Kari talks about how her stepsister Ginger was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, and how this event and Jason’s choice to do this means a lot to her. Can’t really mock that. Jason keeps his shirt off the whole time they paint for no reason whatsoever, not that I’m complaining.
Megan wants to make a beaded fetus on her bust, because fetuses "feed off of breasts”. (Does she mean babies? Because well, fetuses feed off the umbilical cord, but whatever). Then she goes about how the other girls are as shallow as a kiddy pool and “don’t understand half of her depth or where it comes from”. Um...no...we all see your depth. And compared to your depth, a kiddy pool looks like the middle of the freaking Pacific Ocean.
Megan ponders how “screwed” our future will be if everyone has breast cancer and can’t breast feed their kids. Right. What? Everyone’s going to have breast cancer? And does formula not exist in this everyone-has-breast-cancer world?
Jason is impressed by all the girls on the date...which is weird, because I’m not impressed by any of them. Anyway, they move up to some loft/apartment area so he can give out the rose, as he says, to someone who has opened up to him in a way he hasn’t seen before.
Alone time begins with Jason and Melissa. She says she’s overly harsh on herself. Then she tells Jason her secret, which is that she had a breast reduction when she was 17 because her bra size was something that sounded like 20FF, but I’m pretty sure it must have been 28FF, because well, 20 doesn’t seem possible. Jason immediately looks down at her chest, which is a pretty natural reaction. Heck, I’m a straight girl and I did it too. Jason asks if she can imagine what her cast would have looked like and I have a feeling that he was trying. And then she says “I got my Yiayia’s boobs”. Wait...is she Greek? I knew I loved this girl! And man, Jason has a thing for Greek girls. We ARE pretty amazing.
Shannon talks about how she doesn’t know how to talk to Jason. Yeah...we noticed.
Megan and Jason now...Jason thinks she was quiet today. She says she lives her life to serve other people. And that she’s a role model to young girls and doesn’t make any money doing it. What the frick does she do? Who would want to look up to her? This episode is FULL of mysteries. Now she says how hard it’s been not doing anything for other people since coming on the show, and not to not have anyone “thank me, or appreciate me, or praise God that I’m in their life”. Good lord. Someone needs to slap this girl, or, better yet, punch her in the face. Jason somehow thinks his time with Megan was good today, so I guess he might not have been paying attention.
Erica talks about how she’s a way better fit for Jason than Megan, which might or might not be true, since honestly, they’re both horrible.
Nikki is disappointed that this is her second group date with Jason, not a 1-on-1. Jason and Nikki talk about how she’s a perfectionist, and how art was an outlet for her. She repeats “I loved it” and he says “That’s cool” a lot. Then they have nothing else to say and it’s all awkward. I guess it was hard for her to have a non-scripted conversation. Then Jason’s like um, this is ridiculously boring...I’m outta here. But he’s a bit nicer about it than that.
Back to the girls at the mansion...time for another date box! It’s for Natalie and says, “Wear your best dress and I’ll do the rest. J.” Why does he sign his notes like that? Do any of them call him J? Anyway, Natalie’s excited and the other girls are disappointed.
Back to the group date, and Shannon and Melissa talk about how Shannon’s not like herself tonight. I saw creepy stalkerness, though, so I think she’s being pretty normal.
Jillian and Jason have a jumping high contest. They talk about some crap, and I don’t really care what they’re saying. Jillian continues to annoy me with her personality, the way she says about, and her faux deepness. Love is what marriage is about, that’s novel. Although...apparently the ring and marriage certificate don’t matter at all, which is confusing, because uh, why get married? Jason finds her easy to talk to though.
Then the girls go and look at their busts. They all ooh and ahh appropriately. Naomi’s boobs are lopsided and her waist is bigger, but she doesn’t mind because it’s going to a good cause. Sure. Hers is butt ugly anyways. It looks like she took 3 minutes to make it.
Shannon is upset she didn’t get 1-on-1 time with Jason. Then she hugs him creepily. Megan is vehemently embarrassed for her. So you’re mad that she’s embarrassing herself? You should be glad that someone else is awkward.
Jason goes to get the rose, and he’s nervous about who to give it to. He never got a rose on a group date, so I guess that’s encouraging to some of them, because he was in the final two. Anyway, he gives the rose to Jillian, and I want to stab my eyes oot. So...that’s two group date roses that go to Jillian. I think we’ve got a frontrunner boys and girls. And uh, I can’t stand her. Megan’s upset, because well, when isn’t she?
Nikki knows she’s smart and pretty and modest, wait, scratch the modest part. But she says being pretty and smart isn’t enough, because you have to be funny and natural too. Not a bad idea Nikki.
Jason says he invited Natalie on the date because she’s hot and fun, but he wants to find out who she truly is inside, or some crap like that.
He shows up all fancied up, and Natalie is still trying on shoes. Jason sits down, to show the viewers at home that Natalie is taking forever. Shannon thinks Natalie is different from the other girls because she’s materialistic and insecure. And she thinks she’ll go home.
Then Natalie comes down, and they tell each other how great they look. And Jason, knowing “Natalie is really into fashion”, brings her $1,000,000 worth of diamonds to wear on the date. That lucky bitch. The other girls don’t even try to hide their jealousy. Nikki talks about how Natalie isn’t ready to be a wife and stepmom, because she likes to dress up, I guess. And look pretty. Umm, isn’t Nikki a beauty queen?
Now Natalie and Jason are heading somewhere in a limo, and Natalie says her fantasy date was fulfilled last time by shopping and trying things on. Well, maybe Nikki DOES have somewhat of a point. Anyway, Jason and Natalie arrive at a jet, which they’re taking to Las Vegas. Natalie, who looks extra orange when she’s on the jet, is super excited to be there. Obviously.
The girls back at the mansion say that what Jason decides to do will reveal something about his personality. Um don’t all of his choices do that?
Back to the date, Jason and Natalie land and as they step off the jet, Natalie sees a helicopter and wonders if it's for them. I wonder if she’s ever seen the show before. Natalie gropes Jason’s leg, and he grabs her hand to either guide her, or prevent her from sexually molesting him. The camera pans away, so we never get to figure out which. Jason admires the view and Natalie admires her diamonds in the helicopter window.
Now they’re in Vegas, and they admire Natalie’s diamonds more. Natalie wants to elope and not tell anyone...and then still have Jason date a bunch of other girls? K. If I were her, I wouldn’t even tell Jason.
They go into the casino, and Jason feels special to be with a super hot chick. Jason looks forward to finding out the deeper side to Natalie, if it even exists. Jason asks Natalie what she likes to do besides shopping and clothes and sports, and she says “I love bears”. Jason looks understandably confused. She talks about her old stuffed bear but then gets confused mid-sentence. Jason says he wishes conversations with her were better. Yeah...so do I. Natalie talks about how she’s ready to settle down, but Jason doesn’t really believe her. Or might not. I don’t know. Jason isn’t either, and doesn’t know if he’ll give her a rose. I’m pretty sure he’s torn between keeping Natalie because she’s hot, or getting rid of her because that’s the only reason to keep her.
Back at the mansion, the girls discuss how Jason and Natalie are physically attracted to each other. A lot of them think that Natalie will come home. I kind of hope she does. I mean...I like bears too! And I have this awesome story about leaving my bear in a store that I could tell you about...
Anyway, Jason and Natalie talk about what she liked best on their date, and she says, “The most surreal moment was when we were in the helicopter and seeing all those things created by nature – the Hoover Dam, the Red Rocks”. Whoa. The Hoover Dam...created by nature. Jason laughs, but Jason’s favorite part was seeing Natalie see the diamonds for the first time. Natalie says that she really really really likes him now.
Now it’s time for ANOTHER awkward private performance, this time by Kate Voegele. Or something. Natalie and Jason dance, and Jason doesn’t seem to be enjoying himself too much. She’s going home. He seems awkward. Natalie wants to kiss Jason, but he doesn’t want to. Okay, so yeah...going home.
Jason picks up the rose, which seems kind of crappy, considering he’s not giving it to her. Jason talks about all of Natalie’s amazing qualities, but says he can’t give her the rose because he didn’t feel something that night. Maybe he doesn’t like bears? Yeah, he says they don’t have enough in common, so it definitely IS the bears thing. Natalie says she’s sick of being stereotyped because of her appearance Jason says “Your appearance is why it’s impossible to not be attracted to you, “ and Natalie’s all “I know that too”. Okay then.
Quick shot of the mansion, where the guys come into take Natalie’s bags and some of the girls are way too bitchily excited about it.
Haha, okay, Natalie calls Jason out on picking up the rose before rejecting her. That’s funny. And then they take the jewels back, because they couldn’t possibly wait to do that till after she’s done being rejected. Natalie talks about how mean the other girls were in the house. Fair enough, but she just sounds petty. Eh, it’s just awkward and uncomfortable.
We see a shot of Nikki talking about how ecstatic she is that Natalie is gone. She sounds like a total bitch. This is interspersed with Natalie’s words of wisdom, “He’s an idiot. He’s probably intimidated by me. I mean, like, just because he’s Jason. What did he want me to do be like, ‘Ah, oh, Jason!’ I’m not mad. I just think it’s odd. I don’t mean to sound conceited, but sh*t, like, I mean I’ve got a lot going on. I’m super attractive. If you don’t feel a connection with me, like, who do you think you are, God? F*ck you, Jason.” I think that’s all that needs to be said. Okay, I was completely wrong about Natalie, I fully admit that.
Now it’s Rose Ceremony night. Nikki, Erica, and Megan are super happy that Natalie went home. Shannon and Lauren seem to be bothered by their behavior in regards to that, which definitely makes me like them more.
Jason apparently took Natalie’s last words about some of the girls being horrible to heart, because he’s going to try to get to the bottom of it with a full-fledged bachelorette investigation.
Naomi has a crush on Jason, but doesn’t know how to tell him how she feels. Maybe tell him about the kissing length competition thing! Jason asks Naomi if there are people who aren’t in it for the right reasons. Naomi doesn’t rat anyone out and doesn’t want to talk about it, which I respect. Naomi is going on about her ex-boyfriend, and I dunno, her voice annoys the hell out of me. Then they kiss. Unfortunately, I don’t think Naomi will be going home. When Naomi comes back, the other girls comment on her missing some of her lipstick, and Nikki gets worried that others have been more intimate with him than her.
Nikki and Jason time now...she wants a kiss. Nikki wants to keep the tone light and show her fun side, so she talks about her mouthwash. Nailed it! She then goes in for the most awkward kiss beginning known to man. Jason has to actually reach out and like, guide her mouth to his. They make out, but like seriously, the start of it was maybe the most awkward kiss ever. I was dying laughing so hard. Oh god. So funny.
Jillian is talking about getting roses, and her Canadian accent is out full force. Horrible. She says the words ‘again’ and ‘process’ in a very annoying manner.
Now Erica is talking to him about how she doesn’t like not getting a rose on dates. Well, duh, who does like that? And how she’s happy to be there. Then she asks him if he just checked out her boobs. Oookay. Awkward. Jason claims he was just looking at the color of her dress. Whatever...she had her boobs out there.
Now Jason grabs Molly to talk to, and she says that she’s getting butterflies around him. Then she says it would be very typical of her to fall in love in this sort of fashion. So um, on a reality TV show? Cool. Jason again talks about what Natalie told him, and then they kiss again. Which of the girls hasn’t he kissed?
Now Molly goes back to the girls, and says that Natalie was name dropping girls who were not there for the right reasons or whatever cliché we’re going with this season. Which I’m pretty sure isn’t true, although I don’t think Molly realizes that. All the other girls seem upset. Molly actually seems to understand why Natalie said some stuff when she was upset, but Megan claims she “would gracefully bow out”, which I find hard to believe given her reaction when the girls voted her out in the first episode. Shannon seems particularly upset by pretty much everything...because she’s crazy
Then Shannon gets sick, I think, although they’re nice enough to not make us watch. And then Jason takes her away to talk. And then Shannon starts to cry. Awesome. She’s upset that she’s not getting the time with Jason. Oohhhh, and she’s talking about last season seeing him with Deanna, which is the scene we saw in the previews the first episode. I thought Shannon must have made it to the episode where Deanna appears, but maybe not. Hmmm. Anyway, Shannon goes on all super creepy on him, like usual. Can that girl have a normal conversation? Jason, though, likes that he can tell Shannon is being real. True enough, because why would you fake that craziness?
Now Jason and Stephanie talk about what a great time they had on their date with Sophia. Stephanie says she wants to take it to the next level, asks him to close his eyes, kisses him on both cheeks, then the forehead, then lets him open his eyes, and says she’s feeling like she can love again, and then they kiss. Just a little kiss, but yeah. Stephanie seems to have super intense feelings for him.
Lauren is annoyed with all the girls, because they’re ridiculous catty. And she’s very right. Lauren and Jason go off to talk, and Megan’s getting paranoid. Lauren tells Jason that Erica and Megan are drama queens and kind of awful people. I’m liking Lauren more and more. Megan thinks/knows that Lauren told Jason about her, so she’s super pissed. When isn’t Megan pissed on the show?
Now the dashing Chris Harrison comes in to go off and talk with Jason. Wait...is that it? Why did they make it seem so much more dramatic? Oh, wait, more is still coming up.
Jason and Chris Harrison talk about what Natalie said, and what Lauren said, and Jason thinks that Lauren is telling the truth. And she is. Please please please send Erica and Megan home! Uh, I wouldn’t mind Naomi going either. Jason seems pretty confused about everything, and the drama isn’t making things easier.
Chris Harrison is back with the ladies and calls Jason out. Chris Harrison opens the Rose Ceremony up to like...a group discussion, to help build more drama. Oh that rascally Chris Harrison. I love it. Erica and Nikki act all shocked, claiming they all get along great besides Natalie. Megan agrees, except she’s sooo surprised to hear that people are talking trash about her, which makes her feel like “she’s needs to be a bitch”. Lauren calls the girls out, saying that the other girls were being bitchy when talking about Natalie, so maybe they shouldn’t act so high and mighty. The girls all claim they weren’t “bashing who she was”. Riiiight. Lauren doesn’t like the whole...public panel thing. Megan doesn’t seem to mind, though, because well, she looooves her some drama. As Lauren and Megan fight, Shannon leaves the room saying, “I hate it here.” And we see the girls standing around awkwardly as we hear puking noises and the sound of a toilet flushing. What a nice touch, guys. Jason then goes after Shannon to make sure she’s okay.
Proving Lauren wrong, Megan says to the camera, “Shannon, why can’t you just embrace why you’re here? Why can’t you just have fun? But instead she’s like, ‘This sucks. This is so hard.’ That’s all I hear out of her f*cking mouth, and I’m like, ‘you ungrateful, selfish, self-absorbed, high-maintenance piece-of-sh*t.” But don’t worry, she has assured Jason that she doesn’t make catty remarks about the other girls. Uhhh...please, please, please, send Megan home.
Anyway, all the girls are nervous, basically. And Shannon comes back. I feel bad for the girl, honestly.
Onto the roses. Stephanie and Jillian already have roses, so they have nothing to worry about.
The roses go to...
Molly (Talented Kisser): Don’t care too much about her, but she’s grown on me this week.
Lauren (Tattletale): She’s definitely improved in my book.
Melissa (Double F’s): Good decision, Jason.
Naomi (Bitch): Ick.
Shannon (Ol’ Voms A Lot): I hope she brushed her teeth before she accepted that rose.
Nikki (Anal-Retentive): She’ll put that rose next to her toothbrush, but only if it’s facing north at a 60 degree angle.]
Now it’s the final rose, which means it’s down to Kari (who’s had about 30 seconds of screen time total on all three episodes) and the two drama queens (Megan and Erica). Pleeeeeease give the rose to Kari. I’m pretty much begging here.
And the final rose goes to...
Megan (Potty Mouth): Oh Jason. How you disappoint me. Eh, at least Erica’s gone! Megan can’t be far behind...right? Oooh...and the drama she’ll have with Lauren.
This means Erica and Kari are leaving us. Erica can go jump off a cliff after she leaves for all I care, but Kari seemed nice. It’s not that surprising though, because we didn’t see much of her. Kari talks about how she came for Jason, and thinks that she should have been flirtier early on, I think. Erica’s upset, and yeah, acts like Erica.
Next week: The girls can’t sing, they visit the set of General Hospital, Shannon is creepy, and Jason possibly gets rid of one more girl than he’s supposed to. How many go home next week? Because I really want Megan, Jillian, and Naomi gone...
Core Four:
It's getting harder and harder to find four of these girls we actually like...
Melissa: She's wasn't really featured, but she continued to seem less shallow than one might think.
Lauren: The fact that she was disgusted by all the cattiness definitely made us like Lauren more.
Molly: We're not loving her, but we're not hating her either...and with this group, that's good enough.
Stephanie: She, Jason, and Sophia made a cute family. We think they'd be even cuter if Ty was there.
**Sorry this took so long, but Kristen had technical difficulties and we both spent far too long watching CNN. Exciting day today.**
Chris Harrison, who honestly, should be allowed to showcase his sense of humor more...or at all, starts up by telling the girls there will be a group date and two 1-on-1 dates, all of which will have roses. So...if the 1-on-1 girls don’t get roses, they’re gone. Not all girls get a date again this week.
Chris Harrison then gives them the first date box and it’s for...Stephanie! “Come play with me. J”. Kinky. Stephanie is unshockingly excited. Megan is super upset, because she was SURE she was going to get the first 1-on-1 date, although I’m really not sure why she thought that at all. Because she’s self-absorbed, perhaps?
We hear Stephanie talking about her husband dying...again. We get it. It was tragic. Then she talks about her daughter, whose birthday it is. In the limo on the way to the date, she tries to call her daughter to wish her a happy birthday, but is only able to leave a message. Oh, and apparently Stephanie’s dead husband approves of Jason becoming Sophia’s daddy. Okay. Thanks for that news, John Edwards (not THAT one, the psychic John Edwards). I respectfully disagree that he would approve, and think we would like her to find love off of national TV.
They start their date on the beach, and Stephanie does a cartwheel, because it would impress her daughter when she watches. Uh, please tell me her daughter isn’t going to be watching the show. “So...this is mommy competing with a bunch of other girls to win you a daddy!” Stephanie and Jason talk about how hard it is for Stephanie being away from her daughter, especially on her birthday. Oooh...the foreshadowing. Stephanie talks about how Sophia might get a role model and daddy out of this, which seems kind of...super intense to me. Uh...let’s slow things down a little sweetheart. It’s your first date...
All of a sudden Jason’s all “what’s that?” and Stephanie turns around and it’s Sophia. They run towards each other and Sophia kind of...head butts Stephanie. Other than that, it’s a pretty sweet moment. Stephanie and Sophia frolic on the beach and in the water and Jason tears up while watching...awww. Sophia’s pretty dang cute, just saying. Jason agrees with me.
Jason says the moment is “magical” and that they were “the happiest tears he could have ever felt”. Awww...it’s like Jason has a vagina! And um, I’m an ass. The three of them look like a cute little family together/Stephanie and Jason just met a week ago.
Next they take Sophia to Legoland as a birthday treat, and apparently they have the whole park to themselves. I’m kind of jealous...or at least the 4 year old version of me is. They go on a bunch of rides and play and all that, with Sophia looking super adorable in this little pink princess dress. They look like a cute little family, and Jason tells the camera about how much Ty would get along with Sophia. Unlike most children, Sophia and Ty both like playing, toys, and trying new things. Wow, those are some special kids you got there. They would not have fit in with me as a child. I was mostly morose and I loved doing algorithms. Stephanie tells the camera how awesome of a family they’d be. Once again...slow down there.
Stephanie and Jason talk (while Sophia plays in a water park) about the role that Ty’s stepmom would have in Ty’s life, and Jason thinks Stephanie understands that Ty doesn’t need a mom. Then, yay, more talk about the dead husband. And Stephanie apparently wants a man she can take care of. Ick. She might have well told Jason that she has her apron pressed and waiting. Okay, now she talks about a husband and wife should meet each others’ needs and take care of each other, which is way less 1950’s housewife sounding, thank god.
Back to the girl at the mansion...Shannon, Naomi, Melissa, Kari, Jillian, Nikki, Erica, and Megan get invited on a group date “Let’s get busted for a good cause”. Oooh, are they going to prison? Molly, Lauren, and Natalie are the only ones who haven’t gotten dates yet this episode. Which one will get the 1-on-1? Oh, the mystery! Or we already saw in the previews. (Spoiler alert...it’s Natalie). But yeah...
Returning to the Jason/Stephanie/Sophia date....Jason grabs a lego rose (how cute), and tells Stephanie and Sophia what a great time he had, and offers Stephanie the rose. Stephanie thinks that they’re moving towards falling in love. Sophia agrees that it was the most awesome birthday in the whole wide world. Well I mean, it wasn’t Disney World, but okay. Sophia’s wearing like...her forth outfit of the day now. I like this kid.
Now we get even more talk about the dead husband. Man, I feel like a jerk saying this, but I’m soooo over the dead husband. Anyway, they put Sophia in the limo and away she goes. Stephanie didn’t get ANY alone time with Jason. Hmmm.
Now it’s the “sexy date” time with Erica, Jillian, Kari, Megan, Melissa, Naomi, and Shannon.
We see the girls at home, and Molly and Natalie are glad they didn’t have the group date because the other girls are annoying. Well, fair enough, honestly.
Jason wants to surprise the girls, and surprise them he does by taking them to some sort of...bust gallery. They’re going to make chest molds of themselves, paint them, and auction them off for breast cancer awareness. Pretty cool, but um, who’d want these girls’ busts?
Jason takes off his shirt (not complaining at all) and the girls lube him up. It’s like some sort of kinky orgy. Interesting. Shannon makes creepy stalker comments to the camera. Then they make a cast of Jason. Next the girls go behind colored light panels and strip, kind of like...strippers. Jillian thinks it’s empowering...being naked I guess? I think that’s what she said at least...I was distracted by her annoyingness. The girls get all molded up, and Jason comes back and helps with the end of the process. The girls are very excited. Shannon asks Jason to put plaster on her body so that she can, I dunno, smell his hair and stare at him. Megan wants to stand in public and be casted to help others. Who would she help by doing that...horny homeless guys?
Kari talks about how her stepsister Ginger was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, and how this event and Jason’s choice to do this means a lot to her. Can’t really mock that. Jason keeps his shirt off the whole time they paint for no reason whatsoever, not that I’m complaining.
Megan wants to make a beaded fetus on her bust, because fetuses "feed off of breasts”. (Does she mean babies? Because well, fetuses feed off the umbilical cord, but whatever). Then she goes about how the other girls are as shallow as a kiddy pool and “don’t understand half of her depth or where it comes from”. Um...no...we all see your depth. And compared to your depth, a kiddy pool looks like the middle of the freaking Pacific Ocean.
Megan ponders how “screwed” our future will be if everyone has breast cancer and can’t breast feed their kids. Right. What? Everyone’s going to have breast cancer? And does formula not exist in this everyone-has-breast-cancer world?
Jason is impressed by all the girls on the date...which is weird, because I’m not impressed by any of them. Anyway, they move up to some loft/apartment area so he can give out the rose, as he says, to someone who has opened up to him in a way he hasn’t seen before.
Alone time begins with Jason and Melissa. She says she’s overly harsh on herself. Then she tells Jason her secret, which is that she had a breast reduction when she was 17 because her bra size was something that sounded like 20FF, but I’m pretty sure it must have been 28FF, because well, 20 doesn’t seem possible. Jason immediately looks down at her chest, which is a pretty natural reaction. Heck, I’m a straight girl and I did it too. Jason asks if she can imagine what her cast would have looked like and I have a feeling that he was trying. And then she says “I got my Yiayia’s boobs”. Wait...is she Greek? I knew I loved this girl! And man, Jason has a thing for Greek girls. We ARE pretty amazing.
Shannon talks about how she doesn’t know how to talk to Jason. Yeah...we noticed.
Megan and Jason now...Jason thinks she was quiet today. She says she lives her life to serve other people. And that she’s a role model to young girls and doesn’t make any money doing it. What the frick does she do? Who would want to look up to her? This episode is FULL of mysteries. Now she says how hard it’s been not doing anything for other people since coming on the show, and not to not have anyone “thank me, or appreciate me, or praise God that I’m in their life”. Good lord. Someone needs to slap this girl, or, better yet, punch her in the face. Jason somehow thinks his time with Megan was good today, so I guess he might not have been paying attention.
Erica talks about how she’s a way better fit for Jason than Megan, which might or might not be true, since honestly, they’re both horrible.
Nikki is disappointed that this is her second group date with Jason, not a 1-on-1. Jason and Nikki talk about how she’s a perfectionist, and how art was an outlet for her. She repeats “I loved it” and he says “That’s cool” a lot. Then they have nothing else to say and it’s all awkward. I guess it was hard for her to have a non-scripted conversation. Then Jason’s like um, this is ridiculously boring...I’m outta here. But he’s a bit nicer about it than that.
Back to the girls at the mansion...time for another date box! It’s for Natalie and says, “Wear your best dress and I’ll do the rest. J.” Why does he sign his notes like that? Do any of them call him J? Anyway, Natalie’s excited and the other girls are disappointed.
Back to the group date, and Shannon and Melissa talk about how Shannon’s not like herself tonight. I saw creepy stalkerness, though, so I think she’s being pretty normal.
Jillian and Jason have a jumping high contest. They talk about some crap, and I don’t really care what they’re saying. Jillian continues to annoy me with her personality, the way she says about, and her faux deepness. Love is what marriage is about, that’s novel. Although...apparently the ring and marriage certificate don’t matter at all, which is confusing, because uh, why get married? Jason finds her easy to talk to though.
Then the girls go and look at their busts. They all ooh and ahh appropriately. Naomi’s boobs are lopsided and her waist is bigger, but she doesn’t mind because it’s going to a good cause. Sure. Hers is butt ugly anyways. It looks like she took 3 minutes to make it.
Shannon is upset she didn’t get 1-on-1 time with Jason. Then she hugs him creepily. Megan is vehemently embarrassed for her. So you’re mad that she’s embarrassing herself? You should be glad that someone else is awkward.
Jason goes to get the rose, and he’s nervous about who to give it to. He never got a rose on a group date, so I guess that’s encouraging to some of them, because he was in the final two. Anyway, he gives the rose to Jillian, and I want to stab my eyes oot. So...that’s two group date roses that go to Jillian. I think we’ve got a frontrunner boys and girls. And uh, I can’t stand her. Megan’s upset, because well, when isn’t she?
Nikki knows she’s smart and pretty and modest, wait, scratch the modest part. But she says being pretty and smart isn’t enough, because you have to be funny and natural too. Not a bad idea Nikki.
Jason says he invited Natalie on the date because she’s hot and fun, but he wants to find out who she truly is inside, or some crap like that.
He shows up all fancied up, and Natalie is still trying on shoes. Jason sits down, to show the viewers at home that Natalie is taking forever. Shannon thinks Natalie is different from the other girls because she’s materialistic and insecure. And she thinks she’ll go home.
Then Natalie comes down, and they tell each other how great they look. And Jason, knowing “Natalie is really into fashion”, brings her $1,000,000 worth of diamonds to wear on the date. That lucky bitch. The other girls don’t even try to hide their jealousy. Nikki talks about how Natalie isn’t ready to be a wife and stepmom, because she likes to dress up, I guess. And look pretty. Umm, isn’t Nikki a beauty queen?
Now Natalie and Jason are heading somewhere in a limo, and Natalie says her fantasy date was fulfilled last time by shopping and trying things on. Well, maybe Nikki DOES have somewhat of a point. Anyway, Jason and Natalie arrive at a jet, which they’re taking to Las Vegas. Natalie, who looks extra orange when she’s on the jet, is super excited to be there. Obviously.
The girls back at the mansion say that what Jason decides to do will reveal something about his personality. Um don’t all of his choices do that?
Back to the date, Jason and Natalie land and as they step off the jet, Natalie sees a helicopter and wonders if it's for them. I wonder if she’s ever seen the show before. Natalie gropes Jason’s leg, and he grabs her hand to either guide her, or prevent her from sexually molesting him. The camera pans away, so we never get to figure out which. Jason admires the view and Natalie admires her diamonds in the helicopter window.
Now they’re in Vegas, and they admire Natalie’s diamonds more. Natalie wants to elope and not tell anyone...and then still have Jason date a bunch of other girls? K. If I were her, I wouldn’t even tell Jason.
They go into the casino, and Jason feels special to be with a super hot chick. Jason looks forward to finding out the deeper side to Natalie, if it even exists. Jason asks Natalie what she likes to do besides shopping and clothes and sports, and she says “I love bears”. Jason looks understandably confused. She talks about her old stuffed bear but then gets confused mid-sentence. Jason says he wishes conversations with her were better. Yeah...so do I. Natalie talks about how she’s ready to settle down, but Jason doesn’t really believe her. Or might not. I don’t know. Jason isn’t either, and doesn’t know if he’ll give her a rose. I’m pretty sure he’s torn between keeping Natalie because she’s hot, or getting rid of her because that’s the only reason to keep her.
Back at the mansion, the girls discuss how Jason and Natalie are physically attracted to each other. A lot of them think that Natalie will come home. I kind of hope she does. I mean...I like bears too! And I have this awesome story about leaving my bear in a store that I could tell you about...
Anyway, Jason and Natalie talk about what she liked best on their date, and she says, “The most surreal moment was when we were in the helicopter and seeing all those things created by nature – the Hoover Dam, the Red Rocks”. Whoa. The Hoover Dam...created by nature. Jason laughs, but Jason’s favorite part was seeing Natalie see the diamonds for the first time. Natalie says that she really really really likes him now.
Now it’s time for ANOTHER awkward private performance, this time by Kate Voegele. Or something. Natalie and Jason dance, and Jason doesn’t seem to be enjoying himself too much. She’s going home. He seems awkward. Natalie wants to kiss Jason, but he doesn’t want to. Okay, so yeah...going home.
Jason picks up the rose, which seems kind of crappy, considering he’s not giving it to her. Jason talks about all of Natalie’s amazing qualities, but says he can’t give her the rose because he didn’t feel something that night. Maybe he doesn’t like bears? Yeah, he says they don’t have enough in common, so it definitely IS the bears thing. Natalie says she’s sick of being stereotyped because of her appearance Jason says “Your appearance is why it’s impossible to not be attracted to you, “ and Natalie’s all “I know that too”. Okay then.
Quick shot of the mansion, where the guys come into take Natalie’s bags and some of the girls are way too bitchily excited about it.
Haha, okay, Natalie calls Jason out on picking up the rose before rejecting her. That’s funny. And then they take the jewels back, because they couldn’t possibly wait to do that till after she’s done being rejected. Natalie talks about how mean the other girls were in the house. Fair enough, but she just sounds petty. Eh, it’s just awkward and uncomfortable.
We see a shot of Nikki talking about how ecstatic she is that Natalie is gone. She sounds like a total bitch. This is interspersed with Natalie’s words of wisdom, “He’s an idiot. He’s probably intimidated by me. I mean, like, just because he’s Jason. What did he want me to do be like, ‘Ah, oh, Jason!’ I’m not mad. I just think it’s odd. I don’t mean to sound conceited, but sh*t, like, I mean I’ve got a lot going on. I’m super attractive. If you don’t feel a connection with me, like, who do you think you are, God? F*ck you, Jason.” I think that’s all that needs to be said. Okay, I was completely wrong about Natalie, I fully admit that.
Now it’s Rose Ceremony night. Nikki, Erica, and Megan are super happy that Natalie went home. Shannon and Lauren seem to be bothered by their behavior in regards to that, which definitely makes me like them more.
Jason apparently took Natalie’s last words about some of the girls being horrible to heart, because he’s going to try to get to the bottom of it with a full-fledged bachelorette investigation.
Naomi has a crush on Jason, but doesn’t know how to tell him how she feels. Maybe tell him about the kissing length competition thing! Jason asks Naomi if there are people who aren’t in it for the right reasons. Naomi doesn’t rat anyone out and doesn’t want to talk about it, which I respect. Naomi is going on about her ex-boyfriend, and I dunno, her voice annoys the hell out of me. Then they kiss. Unfortunately, I don’t think Naomi will be going home. When Naomi comes back, the other girls comment on her missing some of her lipstick, and Nikki gets worried that others have been more intimate with him than her.
Nikki and Jason time now...she wants a kiss. Nikki wants to keep the tone light and show her fun side, so she talks about her mouthwash. Nailed it! She then goes in for the most awkward kiss beginning known to man. Jason has to actually reach out and like, guide her mouth to his. They make out, but like seriously, the start of it was maybe the most awkward kiss ever. I was dying laughing so hard. Oh god. So funny.
Jillian is talking about getting roses, and her Canadian accent is out full force. Horrible. She says the words ‘again’ and ‘process’ in a very annoying manner.
Now Erica is talking to him about how she doesn’t like not getting a rose on dates. Well, duh, who does like that? And how she’s happy to be there. Then she asks him if he just checked out her boobs. Oookay. Awkward. Jason claims he was just looking at the color of her dress. Whatever...she had her boobs out there.
Now Jason grabs Molly to talk to, and she says that she’s getting butterflies around him. Then she says it would be very typical of her to fall in love in this sort of fashion. So um, on a reality TV show? Cool. Jason again talks about what Natalie told him, and then they kiss again. Which of the girls hasn’t he kissed?
Now Molly goes back to the girls, and says that Natalie was name dropping girls who were not there for the right reasons or whatever cliché we’re going with this season. Which I’m pretty sure isn’t true, although I don’t think Molly realizes that. All the other girls seem upset. Molly actually seems to understand why Natalie said some stuff when she was upset, but Megan claims she “would gracefully bow out”, which I find hard to believe given her reaction when the girls voted her out in the first episode. Shannon seems particularly upset by pretty much everything...because she’s crazy
Then Shannon gets sick, I think, although they’re nice enough to not make us watch. And then Jason takes her away to talk. And then Shannon starts to cry. Awesome. She’s upset that she’s not getting the time with Jason. Oohhhh, and she’s talking about last season seeing him with Deanna, which is the scene we saw in the previews the first episode. I thought Shannon must have made it to the episode where Deanna appears, but maybe not. Hmmm. Anyway, Shannon goes on all super creepy on him, like usual. Can that girl have a normal conversation? Jason, though, likes that he can tell Shannon is being real. True enough, because why would you fake that craziness?
Now Jason and Stephanie talk about what a great time they had on their date with Sophia. Stephanie says she wants to take it to the next level, asks him to close his eyes, kisses him on both cheeks, then the forehead, then lets him open his eyes, and says she’s feeling like she can love again, and then they kiss. Just a little kiss, but yeah. Stephanie seems to have super intense feelings for him.
Lauren is annoyed with all the girls, because they’re ridiculous catty. And she’s very right. Lauren and Jason go off to talk, and Megan’s getting paranoid. Lauren tells Jason that Erica and Megan are drama queens and kind of awful people. I’m liking Lauren more and more. Megan thinks/knows that Lauren told Jason about her, so she’s super pissed. When isn’t Megan pissed on the show?
Now the dashing Chris Harrison comes in to go off and talk with Jason. Wait...is that it? Why did they make it seem so much more dramatic? Oh, wait, more is still coming up.
Jason and Chris Harrison talk about what Natalie said, and what Lauren said, and Jason thinks that Lauren is telling the truth. And she is. Please please please send Erica and Megan home! Uh, I wouldn’t mind Naomi going either. Jason seems pretty confused about everything, and the drama isn’t making things easier.
Chris Harrison is back with the ladies and calls Jason out. Chris Harrison opens the Rose Ceremony up to like...a group discussion, to help build more drama. Oh that rascally Chris Harrison. I love it. Erica and Nikki act all shocked, claiming they all get along great besides Natalie. Megan agrees, except she’s sooo surprised to hear that people are talking trash about her, which makes her feel like “she’s needs to be a bitch”. Lauren calls the girls out, saying that the other girls were being bitchy when talking about Natalie, so maybe they shouldn’t act so high and mighty. The girls all claim they weren’t “bashing who she was”. Riiiight. Lauren doesn’t like the whole...public panel thing. Megan doesn’t seem to mind, though, because well, she looooves her some drama. As Lauren and Megan fight, Shannon leaves the room saying, “I hate it here.” And we see the girls standing around awkwardly as we hear puking noises and the sound of a toilet flushing. What a nice touch, guys. Jason then goes after Shannon to make sure she’s okay.
Proving Lauren wrong, Megan says to the camera, “Shannon, why can’t you just embrace why you’re here? Why can’t you just have fun? But instead she’s like, ‘This sucks. This is so hard.’ That’s all I hear out of her f*cking mouth, and I’m like, ‘you ungrateful, selfish, self-absorbed, high-maintenance piece-of-sh*t.” But don’t worry, she has assured Jason that she doesn’t make catty remarks about the other girls. Uhhh...please, please, please, send Megan home.
Anyway, all the girls are nervous, basically. And Shannon comes back. I feel bad for the girl, honestly.
Onto the roses. Stephanie and Jillian already have roses, so they have nothing to worry about.
The roses go to...
Molly (Talented Kisser): Don’t care too much about her, but she’s grown on me this week.
Lauren (Tattletale): She’s definitely improved in my book.
Melissa (Double F’s): Good decision, Jason.
Naomi (Bitch): Ick.
Shannon (Ol’ Voms A Lot): I hope she brushed her teeth before she accepted that rose.
Nikki (Anal-Retentive): She’ll put that rose next to her toothbrush, but only if it’s facing north at a 60 degree angle.]
Now it’s the final rose, which means it’s down to Kari (who’s had about 30 seconds of screen time total on all three episodes) and the two drama queens (Megan and Erica). Pleeeeeease give the rose to Kari. I’m pretty much begging here.
And the final rose goes to...
Megan (Potty Mouth): Oh Jason. How you disappoint me. Eh, at least Erica’s gone! Megan can’t be far behind...right? Oooh...and the drama she’ll have with Lauren.
This means Erica and Kari are leaving us. Erica can go jump off a cliff after she leaves for all I care, but Kari seemed nice. It’s not that surprising though, because we didn’t see much of her. Kari talks about how she came for Jason, and thinks that she should have been flirtier early on, I think. Erica’s upset, and yeah, acts like Erica.
Next week: The girls can’t sing, they visit the set of General Hospital, Shannon is creepy, and Jason possibly gets rid of one more girl than he’s supposed to. How many go home next week? Because I really want Megan, Jillian, and Naomi gone...
Core Four:
It's getting harder and harder to find four of these girls we actually like...
Melissa: She's wasn't really featured, but she continued to seem less shallow than one might think.
Lauren: The fact that she was disgusted by all the cattiness definitely made us like Lauren more.
Molly: We're not loving her, but we're not hating her either...and with this group, that's good enough.
Stephanie: She, Jason, and Sophia made a cute family. We think they'd be even cuter if Ty was there.
**Sorry this took so long, but Kristen had technical difficulties and we both spent far too long watching CNN. Exciting day today.**
12 comments:
I like Megan. Lauren was a bitch to say what she did about her to Jason. Megan seems more real than the other girls.
She might be real, but she's kind of a horrible person too. And the mouth on that girl! She's on TV...can't she tone it down?
Oh, if you all want to see the finished busts or vote on them I guess, here's where they're up for auction on ebay:
http://shop.ebay.com/merchant/thekeepabreast2005_W0QQ_nkwZQQ_armrsZ1QQ_fromZQQ_mdoZ
I hate Erica, but I really like hers. Nikki's is kind of cool too. Megan's is horrible (guess the beaded fetus didn't work out for her). Jillian's has a bunch of votes, which is weird I think. Just because...hers isn't good. Maybe all the people she wrote about on hers are bidding, just to be nice...
This was sooo friggin funny! I loved this recap. I believe Jason will end up with Melissa, but they will keep Jillian up to the end in the #2 spot.
I love reading your reviews! Keep up the good work!
Thanks! I like hearing what everyone else thinks of all the girls. Jillian's pretty well liked, isn't she? There's just something about her that annoys me.
And Siobhan - I hope you're right! About Melissa winning, that is. I could do without Jillian ending up #2. Hmm...I wonder if any of these girls will end up as the next bachelorette...
Megan is gonna real herself outta there soon ;-)
Yeah, I don't like Jillian and I'm not sure why either. But, Jason seems to connect with her and she seems ok compared to some of the other ones. Stephanie is just way too much sugar for me. I get a toothache listening to her southern accent ;-)
ps - rumors are already fying that Stephanie will be the next bachelorette, but I seriously doubt that will happen. There has always be a double standard between the sexes and I think a single mom would get alot of slack. Then again, that could be good for ratings?
I don't mind Stephanie, although I don't think she really has much chemistry with Jason. But yeah, I can't see them using a single mom either. A single dad is all cute and sweet, but there's definitely more of a stigma attached to being a single mom. It's ridiculous, but still. Guess we'll see though...
Hey, where's the new recap for episode #4? I'm jonesing over here ;-)
We posted it last night! Well, technically this morning. Haha, we know how it sucks waiting to see a recap, so we're trying to get them up as soon as possible. Just click on the tab at the top that says The Bachelor and it should show up!
Post a Comment