America's Next Top Model: Season 12 (Episode 1)

So, America's Next Top Model is back for another season. At this point, no one actually expects a super model to come out of the show. If you occasionally see the winner in anything other than a Covergirl commercial during the following ANTM season, she's doing pretty well. So, while the show's not good for actually producing top models, it is good for lots of drama, ridiculous photo shoots, and plenty of Tyra worship. And who doesn't love that? Let the competition begin!

Read the review/recap after the jump.

This year the final 34 finalists are going to Sin City to compete to be America’s Next Top Model, or at the very least, America’s Next Top Girl Who Is Slightly Famous. The first girl we meet is Celia, who is 25 years old. She’s already ancient my model standards, and she kinda looks like a Stepford Wife. I really don’t see her winning this thing.

The next girl we meet is Allison who says, “It’s pretty hard for me to interact with a lot of girls. I’ve heard people call me, like, creepy or strange or something.” Always a good sign. She’ll probably be good for some drama if she makes it into the house (which she will, since I’ve already seen the 13 finalists’ pictures on the CW website).

When they make it to Caesar’s Palace, London, who is wearing one of those hipster/gay headbands, can’t see what’s happening over everyone’s heads because they’re so tall. I already don’t like her, just for the headband. Maybe she should model for American Apparel.

Out step the Jays (if you don’t know who they Jays are, than why are you watching ANTM?) from behind their fantasy (a bunch of roman gladiators). Fo (Fo, seriously?) almost starts crying when she sees them. The Jays then spew some crap about how Tyra is a goddess and that’s what they’re aspiring to or something. We then meet Sandra who is from Africa, and puts the emphasis on the wrong syllable when saying the word goddess. I guess it’s not her fault since she’s foreign.

Because this is top model, the Jays make them change into Greek Roman goddess outfits. This is how Gisele got her start too, I’m sure. The girls emerge from the changing room and scream as they enter the room. This is Top Model, after all, and Top Model is nothing without unwarranted screaming. Jay tells them they’re taking profile photos and Celia is the first victim. Fo goes next and gives Jay a hug, wow, she’s is really obsessed with him. She tells the camera that she’s a hippy and a tree hugger.

Sandra is next and she says that she stands out because she’s darkest or something. I am sensing a bit of repetition as far as the girls that they’re showing. Perhaps these girls will make it into the house? Answer, yes, they will.

There’s a girl with a fro named Aminat, which begs the questions: Where does Tyra find so many girls with weird names? How do you even pronounce that?

After Aminat is a girl named Kathryn, whose future is not looking too bright. She seems nice and is the youngest one there. Too bad she won’t make it to the house. We also meet Teyona, who slouches and grew up in the rustic countryside…of New Jersey. Sounds quaint.

Miss Jay then has the girls walk “on clouds” or as I call it, “dry ice smoke”. Sandra’s walk is OK, a girl name Angelea looks like a hooker walking towards a John’s car, and Allison is terrible. Jessica, who is from Puerto Rico (I don’t think we’ve had one of those before!) looks hot as she walks and tells the camera she wants to, “represent Latinas to the fullest.”

Isabella, who does a lot of odd hand gestures as she talks, is excited to be judged by Tyra herself. The Jays are talking to the girls when they are rudely interrupted by a bunch of gladiators who are accompanying the goddess Tyra herself out to the girls. The naturally start flipping shit and screaming because Tyra can’t enter a room in any other fashion. She has a gladiator proclaim that she is the goddess of fierce. Tyra, in an ambiguous accent, tells the girls that she is looking for a successor, someone to “light her chariot of fire”. Whoa, calm down there. Which is it, a successor or chariot of fire lighter?

Celia is so excited to see Tyra and says that Tyra is an extra-terrestrial. Is that supposed to be a good thing? Tyra tells the girls to strike a pose and this somehow leads to an issue between Angelea and Sandra. I don’t really understand why, but these are ANTM contestants so I really don’t feel the need to figure it out. It was something about how Angelea has long nails.

It’s now time for the judges’ panel and Sandra is up first looking fierce in red heels and high-waisted shorts. The judges compliment her and she breaks down crying. Wow, how is she going to react to criticism? She tells the judges she loves her dark skin, and that she’s proud of it.

Next up is stupid London, with her stupid headband. She’s wearing extremely unflattering shorts with tights under them. There is nothing about this girl that I like. She tells the judges that she is a “street preacher” and this makes me like her even less, mostly due to the way she said it. She talked loudly and slowly as if she was talking to a non-English speaker and thought that would help. I really can’t stand her. I like Jesus too, but I’m not obnoxious about it.

The next girl is 18-year-old Jessica, from Puerto Rico. She’s quite cocky. Next girl we see is Tahlia, who is a burn-survivor who feels her story should be out there. She has scars over her lower half from when she was 8-months-old and pulled at a coffeemaker cord and spilled it on herself. I think it’s admirable that she is comfortable in her body and going on this show.

We then go to the room and see Monique spewing crazy (and I mean seriously ridiculous) conspiracy theorists, and then she is the next girl at panel. She craps out more crazy theories and poses some. Next up is Natalie, whose family is rich and has never worked a day in her life. Well, she probably is spoiled, but I mean, she’s only 18, it’s not that crazy. Aminat (the fro) is next and she’s really tall.

Kathryn, the young one breaks down while getting attacked by Angelea and Aminat thinks she should go if she can’t take the heat. Celia says that the wall-flowers aren’t going to be able to cut it, and that she can tell who is going home.

Kathryn is up next and she brings in a bunch of pens but can only name one working model. Not so good. Come on it’s easy. How bout Caroline Trentini, Chanel Iman, Adriana Lima, Coco Rocha, Gemma Ward, or even Gisele Bundchen? And I’m not even trying to be a model. She comes back out in her swimsuit and can actually name three designers. Good on ya mate.

Next is the most boring-looking white girl, Alex, who talks like she grew up in Compton. Wow, you definitely wouldn’t expect that coming out of a girl wearing a light pink, ruffly blouse. Next up is epileptic Isabella. Wow, does every one of these girls have a gimmick. Ok, maybe that’s the wrong word, but I guess they need someone contrevertial since they couldn’t find any transgender girls this year.

Next up is prom queen Nijah who scowls when she poses. Kinda reminds me of Dionne from the season that went to Australia. I didn’t much care for Dionne, but we’ll see about Nijah.

Up next is Fo, who is Blaxican (black and Mexican) and gorgeous. She didn’t even know that she was half-black until she met her father. Wow, that’s crazy.

It’s dinner time for the girls and Angelea tells Kortnie that she had a daughter that passed away. Wow, that’s horrible, but my compassion for her situation does not extend far enough for me to forgive her for her atrocious nails. It really is sad though. I can’t even imagine.

Angelea is in panel next and she slept in a bus station in New York City to be there. OK, that might be taking this a bit to far. Tyra may be fierce, but she’s not worth getting raped for.

Celia is next and she’s actually wearing a really cute outfit. The colors are spot on. I love it in the same sense that I love everything I see in a J Crew catalogue. She’s self-aware about the fact that she’s old and has definitely blossomed since she was little as evidenced by a photo shown on the screen.

Kortnie, the only plus-size girl is up next, and I am having trouble coming up with new ways to say which girl is at panel next. Kortnie has dated Dale Earnhardt Jr., who is overrated as far as NASCAR racers go, and I am embarrassed that I know that. Time in Texas will do that to you, let me tell you. They love him down here, though. He’s not like that Yankee, Jeff Gordon.

We go back to the girls hanging out and the girls are frightened by Allison’s bug big eyes. I can only assume she’s in panel next. Oh, I’m good. Allison tells Tyra that, “either they say I look like a scary doll or like a porcelain doll,” when referring to her eyes. She tells the judges that she always wanted a nose-bleed because they look pretty and she has a fascination with blood. Yeah, they’re not so fun when you’re in high school and you can’t stop bleeding in Ogilvie Station and an ambulance has to and take you to a hospital and you have to get your blood vessels cauterized. Didn’t happen to me, but it did to a friend. Not so pretty then. Teyona is next and her panel is not very noteworthy.

The girls are all done with panel, and the Jays say the 34 girls are being cut down to lucky 21. Some of the lucky girls are Sandra, London, Fo, Jessica, Kortnie, Tahlia, Aminat, Allison, Teyona, Kathryn, Nijah, Natalie, Isabella, Angelea, and Celia. Among the losers are conspiracy theorist Monique and Alex, the blackest white girl you’ve seen. I’m pretty sure Kathryn and Angelea are the only girls that don’t make it to the house that we’ve seen moving on.

After the cut, Jay tells the girls they have a photo shoot, wherein they are each assigned a goddess with an attribute they must portray. London is justice, Fo is madness, Sandra does a bad job at success, Nijah is friendliness (Oh, yeah, I definitely remember learning about that goddess in Greek mythology. Not so much.), and Sandra and Angelea get in a bitch fight. Oh, how I’ve missed ANTM. We get some great quotes out of this fight such as, “This bitch tryin’ to try me.” and “Who are you rolling your eyes at? Do you have an eye problem?” and “Bitch need a perm. That’s what she need.”

Now the Jays and Tyra look at the pictures and decide what 13 girls are moving on. I’m not going to go over what they said, but they decided upon 13. And those 13 are:

Aminat
Natalie
Fo
Allison
Tahlia
Celia
Nijah
London (who thanks Jesus, belch)
Teyona
Kortnie
Isabella
Jessica
and
Sandra

Thus concludes the first part of the premier. Now we’re on to NYC, the Top Model house, and real photo shoots. Well, as real as an ANTM photo shoot can get. London can’t believe she’s there and thinks there should be a word for “holy cow, this is really happening.” I think I have that word. It’s, well, it’s actually 3 words: shut you trap. Seriously can’t stand the girl.

Isabella is excited and seems to think that just being in New York gives her license to call herself a model. Well, I guess I was once a model myself, having spent a week there. Sandra is cocky as ever, and Celia talks more about her age. They go up in the empire state building and to have Kortnie tell it, “your ears pop, so that means you’re pretty high.” Well put. Nigel and Paulina Porizkova (whose name I spelled right on the first try, for the win) are waiting for them and Nigel is looking as hot as ever. Nigel hands Celia the keys to their house, and I can’t help but think, “that was big to-do just to hand them keys.”

The girls enter the house to the usual chorus of gleeful screaming. The first floor contains only picture of Tyra, but because she is so humble and modest, the second floor has pictures of past winners. Celia was told she got her pick of beds since she was handed the key and she chooses a bed that Sandra has put her purse on. I sense that Sandra may raise some hell over this. Not sure why. In the past she has just been a sweet, little bed of roses. It turns out that there are only 12 beds so Sandra tells Celia that she’s keeping the bed since she got it first.

In normal society, someone might say, “Well, let’s just share the bed for a couple days until someone is eliminated. It is a double bed after all and we both weigh 12 lbs so we’ll easily fit.” But, alas, this is Top Model, so I have a feeling it won’t be so easily resolved. OK, way to prove me wrong girls. Sandra almost immediately says they should share the bed. I am pleasantly surprised. Wait, OK, I thought Sandra would be the unreasonable on in this case, but it’s Celia who refuses to share. OK, I guess standing closet to Nigel when he gave the girls the key makes her princess of the house. It’s not like she won a challenge or anything. She just stood there. London, the “pacifist” steps in and sleeps on the floor “because of Jesus.” I really, really don’t like her.

The girls, who are now in a ridiculously cool house, complain that there’s no pool. Really?

First Tyra mail that’s something about good and bad. The Jays are waiting for the girls and London is excited to see them and says to the camera, “Any time I see those two boys I know something is gonna happen.” Thanks Sherlock. It’s not like they enjoy spending time with you or something. They’re there because they’re paid to be there, dumbass.

They tell the girls they are going to be a fashion show. Celia loves being in New York rather than Kentucky because in Kentucky, “nobody cares about fashion because they’re all mowing their lawns.” Oh yes, I knew about that proverb. He who moweth thine lawn, shant not care about fashion, right?

The runway show starts and Isabella is nervous because there are strobe lights, which may affect her epilepsy. I now feel bad about every seizure joke I’ve made about flashing lights. That sucks. She doesn’t have a seizure, though, thank God. Sandra, who earlier bragged that her walk was an 8 or 9, walks like crap and only goes halfway down the runway. Tahlia had a tough time because she was covered up at the show and she felt that her burns shouldn’t be covered since they’re not ugly.

At the house the girls are having a conversation and getting to know each other in a bedroom when Sandra interrupts them to tell them to leave the room and have their “stupid conversation” in the living room. OK then party pooper. She then proceeds to not sleep.


Now it’s time for the girls’ first photo shoot. Jay rides up on a bike in a funky body suit, which, naturally, has nothing to do with the shoot. The shoot is about childhood games such as ring around the Rosie (Fo), tug of war (London), tag (Tahlia), leap frog (Natalie), hide and seek (Sandra), monkey bars (Kortnie), London bridges (Aminat), musical chairs(Nijah), double dutch (Allison), hopscotch (Teyona), hula hoop (Celia), dodge ball (Isabella), and jacks (Jessica). I’m not going to recap exactly what happened since there was no major issue and it’s the end result that really matters.

After the shoot, Sandra is not nervous at all but Tahlia is very worried because her insecurities showed through. It’s now panel time and Tyra goes over the prizes and introduces the judges: Nigel, Miss Jay, and Paulina. Now let’s judge.

Sandra: The judges give her crap for only going part way down the runway. He picture is pretty boring and there was a lot more she could have done with her game (hide and seek) and her face in the picture just looks confused.

Celia: Tyra likes her outfit and her picture looks pretty cute and fun. Tyra says that she’s not a commercial girl, but her picture would fit in at Seventeen Magazine.

Fo: Nigel thinks her picture is adorable, and I would have to agree, though her face isn’t very modelesque.

Aminat: The shoot was supposed to be about innocence, but she kinda looks like a bitch in her shot (London Bridge). Miss Jay says she’s going to have to watch out for her knee because it’s whacked out.

London: I don’t like her, but she actually did get a good shot. Next.

Jessica: She looks gorgeous in her picture, but it has absolutely nothing to do with playing jacks.

Teyona: She’s got a great pose in her shot, but her head is too small. Good critique, Tyra. I’m sure she’ll work on getting a bigger head for next week. She can just ask Sandra for tips.

Isabella: Isabella’s pose is really weird and I’m definitely not getting a dodge ball vibe from it. Tyra says that she needs to learn where the camera is.

Nijah: She’s got a great smile that captures what the shoot was about, but she fell victim to the classic “not representing the game” trap.

Kortnie: Tyra doesn’t like the way her leg is positioned, but she gets a generally good review.

Allison: The judges love the innocence of her face. I think she’s probably really weird, but she’s gorgeous.

Tahlia: Her picture is alright, although the judges aren’t thrilled with her pose.

Natalie: Tyra tells her to take of her fugly hipster headband. Good move, I hate those headbands. Her picture is pretty good.

Now it’s time for deliberation, which I’ll write nothing about.

Tyra hands out the pictures to:
Allison (Nosebleed)
Fo (Blaxican)
Teyona (Small Head)
London (Yuck)
Celia (Grandma)
Nijah (Boring)
Kortnie (NASCAR)
Natalie (Ritchie Rich)
Aminat (Afro)
Tahlia (Coffee Pot)
Jessica (Puerto Rico)

This leaves Isabella and Sandra as the bottom two. So...Sandra’s runway walk and photo were bad and Isabella’s photo sucked. So logically they should keep Isabella, but they won’t. She’s drama. She’ll stay. And the last photo goes to…

Sandra(Bitch)

That means Isabella is going home. Guess she won’t need that three month supply of epilepsy medication. I don’t care too much one way or the other about Isabella going. I didn’t dislike her, but I didn’t care about her either. So yeah. Oh well.

Core Four:


Celia: She has great fashion sense and she knows that her age is her biggest weakness. We think she’ll go pretty far.

Fo: She seems sweet (so far) and although her name is stupid, we like her.

Jessica: She may be a little cocky, but she’s gorgeous and there’s never been a contestant from Puerto Rico before. She already represents Hispanic people better than Jaslene.

Kortnie: We think she’ll go farther than most plus-size girls because she doesn’t seem to be stressing about it. That usually seems to be their downfall.

Bottom Four:


Aminat: We don't know too much about her, but from what we've seen, she seems kinda bitchy.

London: There is nothing about this girl that we like. Seriously, at all.

Natalie: She seemed to really love herself. We don't feel the same way.

Sandra: She's obviously going to be the bitch of the season. And we're not the type to cheer for the bitch.

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After The Final Rose (Part Two): Molly Is Actually A Good Person, We Swear Edition

So, we've finished watching "After 'After The Final Rose'" and, well, we don't really have that much more to add. We still think Jason and Molly have no class, and we definitely wondered how much ABC was paying the other Bachelorettes to say nice things about Jason and wondering how on earth Jason showed integrity by doing what he did. If Jason showed integrity, then I am a saint. Basically, watching this ATFR2, for us, was to put it lightly, yucky. It felt like ABC was trying to shove this love story down our throats and telling us that it tastes good even though it tastes like vomit, and I really hate the taste of vomit.

If you're wondering what our full thoughts are on everything, you can read them here:

Alissa's Thoughts

Kristen's Thoughts

There's no more to this post, but feel free to comment about either the After the Final Roses or the season in general.

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Here's What I Think About the Final Episode

So, I have a lot of thoughts to share with everyone, as I’m sure everyone does after that little doozy last night! There’s so much to say, but it’s hard to put all of the ickyness into words. I’ll start by saying that I knew what was coming going into the episode, as was the case for many of you, I’m sure. That said, it was hard to watch the episode and not have knowing everything alter how I felt about it. I really hoped that the rumors that were going around weren’t true, but I knew that they had to be.

Read my crazy rant after the jump.

I guess I’ll start with the first 2 hours of the show and leave the juicy part for later. I think it was very clear that Melissa was way better with Ty than Molly was. I mean, she had a lame joke up her sleeve for every occasion, and all Molly could do was throw compliments at Ty and hope he would put up with her. (Can you already see my prejudice here?) I thought they both did well with the families, but editing can be deceiving (Obviously).

Both their dates went well, as usual, and Molly took control of her date, as usual, and gave Jason a message that I can only assume she finished off with a “happy ending”, if you know what I mean.

But I gotta say, all that was sort of boring, especially if you knew what was coming later. I suppose one of the few interesting parts (hmmm… interesting is the wrong word, maybe noteworthy?) was when Deanna came to New Zealand (she just happened to know Jason was there and bought a plane ticket, obviously) and talked to Jason. Now, I know people are going to say she asked for Jason back, but I really didn’t get that vibe. It seemed to me that she just wanted to extend her 15 minutes of fame give him advice on who to pick.

Finally, we had the dumping and the proposal. I found the Molly segment interesting in that it was not at all interesting. All it did was set up the idea that Jason was making a mistake. She even told him he was going to regret his decision later, convenient, no? It also contained the longest walk back to the limo I’ve ever seen. Now read carefully, because this is going to be the last time you will see me write this, I felt bad for Molly. That had to be so uncomfortable. We could debate for days over if Molly knew, when Molly knew, and if there was even anything for Molly to know, but I’m guessing that she didn’t know at that point. They would have wanted real emotions.

Now, Jason’s proposal to Melissa was a little hard for me to swallow, since I knew I was about to see him break up with her. It was very nice and all and Melissa was adorable and endearing, but I just wanted to slap Jason across the face as he said, “I am completely in love with you.” Another point I’d like to address is the fact that he even proposed at all. If he was really so in love with both girls, why did he have to propose. Other bachelors have just picked a girl to date and not proposed. He claimed that he wanted to give the relationship everything he had, but why then, did he not try harder after they got engaged. Obviously I was not privy to what exactly happened, but Jason claimed things changed, and Melissa said he wasn’t communicating that to her. Communication is key and we all know that. Jason clearly didn’t try to work on their relationship or he would have talked to Melissa about how he was feeling and tried to work through it.

If he was still thinking about Molly, why couldn’t he have said that to Melissa so she could have told him, “Well, pal, obviously things off the TV show aren’t going to be as nice and flowery as they were when we were on Winston Churchill’s boat in New Zealand. Maybe it’s making you think that things would have been just as magical with Molly, but no matter who you’re with it’s not going to be the same as going on extravagant dates and crazy adventures. There will be times when things aren’t fun, and you might not have something to talk about at every second, but silence can be just as nice when you’re with someone you love. Douche.” Or something like that, I dunno. Just a thought.

I’ve already delved into it a little, but it’s now time for my thoughts on the much-hyped “After the Final Rose”. There were so many things that disgusted me about that show, but first and foremost is the fact that Jason just “had” to break up with Melissa in front of the cameras. He claimed to People Magazine that he did it because he couldn’t see her in person otherwise, but if I was Melissa I would have preferred to get broken up with on the phone, or by email, or by text (and that’s bad because You Can’t Text Message Breakup). It’s sad when ending your engagement the same way Britney Spears ended her marriage (text message) is classier than the route you chose.

Jason also told Chris Harrison that he wanted a shot with Molly before he’d even broken up with Melissa. How was this even remotely fair to Melissa? And, let me say, there’s a recipe for a successful relationship: ending an engagement and then trying to start a new one within hours. It was ridiculous.

I also have to say that I thought that Melissa handed the situation with great class and aplomb. She was obviously upset, but didn’t throw a profanity laced tirade at Jason, and made some excellent points such as, “For me, getting engaged and finding that person is a one time thing and you took that from me.” Yeah, you ass!

Next we came to the part where Chris Harrison interviewed Molly with some very leading questions about how she would still take him back. My thoughts as I was watching were, “This interview with Molly is icky. She still wants him back? Why on earth would you still want him when he rejected you on national TV? Have some pride.” I think that pretty much says it all.

Then Jason came out and said, “Holy cow, it’s been a long time.” Wow, could they have emphasized that any more. If I had been keeping track of how many times they mentioned that Jason and Molly hadn’t seen each other it would have been at least a baker’s dozen. I think it’s all lies. She may be a little bit classless, but I don’t think she would have taken him back without any prior contact whatsoever.

Watching Jason tell Molly he broke up with Melissa was gross, Molly could barely contain her glee. After initially pretending she had a bunch of questions, she decided to give Jason another shot. Seriously. I mean, she asked him when he realized he was going to pick Melissa and all he said was that it was hard to let Molly go. Way to answer a question, ass. Despite that, Molly still took him back and proceeded to make out with him. Melissa was probably crying in the limo at that point and the whole thing made me feel like I needed to shower.

The final issue I want to share my thoughts on is ABC and the producers’ roles in all of this. I believe that Jason did want Molly all along and that the producers encouraged him to pick Melissa and then dump her. This, to me, makes both Jason and the producers skeezy, but I would say that most of the blame lies with Jason. He was the one that ultimately led Melissa to believe that he loved her and wanted to marry her. He didn’t have to go along with the producers plan. I’m sure that ABC’s contract is mighty and powerful, but I doubt there’s anything in there that says that he has to pick who they want him to. My co-blogger, Alissa, likened it to a relationship in which the man is cheating on his girlfriend. The other woman may have been a bit trashy to be doing that, but the boyfriend is the one to blame. He’s the one that was cheating, and Jason was the one that was deceiving Melissa, not the producers.

OK, I said that was my final thought, but I have one more thing to get off my chest. Molly. Molly, Molly, Molly. What can I do with the girl. I think she knew way before that taping that Jason wanted to be with her. It just seems to be the most logical conclusion to me. Why would she take him back without any contact at all? Well, actually, I’m interested in knowing why she would take him back either way, but that’s a whole other issue. I don’t think Molly is really at fault here though. It’s like Alissa’s analogy, she may be tactless, but she wasn’t the one cheating on Melissa. That being said, she shouldn’t have kissed Jason on camera. Gross.

My Final Verdict:
It was all Deanna’s fault. She was the one that pushed Jason into picking Melissa by saying he should go with the safe one instead of following his heart. Great advise Deanna. Do you see what you did to poor Jason and Molly by tearing them apart? God, she is quite a piece of work, am I right? Can I get an amen? I think we can all agree that regardless of everything else, Deanna caused all of this. Sweet little Molly sat at home crying for weeks without any contact with her one true love and poor, honorable Jason tossed and turned at night knowing that he made a tragic decision that hurt Molly, all while evil Deanna was sleeping like a baby and wicked Melissa got the good edit on TV.

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The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik (Last Episode and AtFR 1) - My Thoughts

“jason mesnik is an ass”
“jason mesnik sucks”
“jason mesnik is an idiot”

And my favorite:

“CHILD ABUSE ABC + JASON MESNICK”

All of those are searches that people have used to get to our blog since last night. And I completely agree with them. Well...maybe not the last one. That might be A BIT excessive. Although...I’m all for positive reinforcement with kids and all that, but picking out the name “Sheep” for a lamb is NOT a praise-worthy decision. (And this is coming from a girl who named her stuffed lamb “Lambie” and her two blankets “Pinky” and “Yellow Blanket”...anyone want to guess what colors they were?)

But...back to the Jason bashing!

Post/rant continues after the jump.

Here’s the thing...whether you believe ABC orchestrated this ending or you think it was completely real...whether you think Jason picked Melissa knowing he wanted Molly or you think he made a mistake and changed his mind...breaking up with your fiancé on national television is the shittiest move in Bachelor history. Or at least on all the Bachelors I’ve watched so far. If Jason did “make a mistake” and chose the wrong girl, then act like a compassionate human being and break up with her without millions of people watching. It’s not that hard. No where in the Bachelor contract did it have a clause saying, “By the way, if you do happen to break up with the woman you proposed to less than two months after filming, you kind of have to dump her ass on our show.” I mean...I haven’t read the contract, but I’m sure that’s not in there. Also not in there...the stipulation that you have to propose to anyone at all. If you’re SO torn the morning of the final rose ceremony, don’t propose. If you’re “in love with two women,” don’t propose. And if you do propose, try to mean it. We all make stupid decisions, but Melissa was totally right...if he really did think he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, he should have tried to make it work. Or at least given a better reason than “it feels different.” Because well, that’s crap.

But I don’t blame ABC or the Bachelor. Do I think they were involved in orchestrating what happened? Yeah, I definitely do. But I wouldn’t expect anything less of them. They’re in it to make money. They’re concerned with giving us good, dramatic television, not a love story. I mean...if a love story goes along with that, awesome. But people tune in for the drama. Jason’s the one that had a relationship with Melissa. He’s the one who made the decision to humiliate her by dumping her on national television. The Bachelor can encourage him all they want, but ultimately, it’s up to him whether he wants to be a decent person or not. And he chose not to be. So...I’ll definitely still be watching The Bachelor in the future. I’ve always watched it knowing that what you see isn’t the whole story. It’s still entertaining. I mean, don’t get me wrong...I want my love story. Kristen (my co-blog author) said it best when we were talking last night. It’s like watching a movie. You know it’s not real, but you still want your happily ever after.

A few other quick thoughts on last night’s show...

The only think I dislike about Melissa, I think, is her tramp stamp. Why? Does anyone actually think those look good?

Was anyone else just sitting there dreading the final hour (knowing what happens from spoilers)? At the really cute moments...like the proposal...I should have been like “awww,” but instead I’m like, “How could you, you bastard?”

Okay, there’s no way that the conversation between Molly and Chris (about how she was still in love with Jason and would take him back and all that) happened without Molly knowing that Jason had just dumped Melissa. She HAS to have been in contact with Jason. Well, either that or she’s pretty much the most pathetic person ever. And she has to have more self-respect than that, right?

As much as Jason claims that he can’t help how he feels and he’s just following his heart and all that crap, if your heart is telling you to dump your fiancé on TV, then well, your heart’s an ass.

I’m pretty sure it’s super inappropriate to make out with another girl about 15 minutes after you dumped your fiancé on national television.

And...best lines of the night go to Melissa, for sure:

“Don’t call me. Don’t text me anymore. Leave me alone, please.”

Jason: There’s obviously no way that I’m perfect.
Melissa: I’ll second that.

And...my favorite line of the night:

“You’re such a bastard.”

Yeah...I love Melissa.

So...tomorrow night’s show? I’m hoping Jason breaks up with Molly, and they bring Jillian out, and Jason asks her for another chance. Or Naomi. Or Megan. Or maybe crazy Renee and her vision boards. Is this REALLY the best we can do for drama ABC? Because I think Jason can break up with a lot more girls...

But yeah...Jason Mesnik...worst Bachelor ever?

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The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik (Last Episode and After the Final Rose Part 1)

Alright...we didn't actually write a recap this week. Besides the fact that it's hard to recap a whole three hour episode, we also read the spoilers (didn't everyone this year?) and knew what was going to happen. Knowing what we did, we would have found it VERY hard to keep our opinions out of it. Speaking of our opinions, Kristen and I will each be writing our own reaction to the show and what Jason did tomorrow. We definitely have some opinions on what went down...

So...what did you all think? Did Jason just make an honest mistake? Did he purposely toy with Melissa's emotions? And um, who dumps their fiance on national television?

(There's nothing after the jump...no need to click!)

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Survivor: Tocantins (Episode 3) Recap

Last week on Survivor, Brendan and Sierra dug a “fire pit”, Taj and Brendan bonded at Exile, a bromance blossomed between JT and Stephen, Coach was a pompous ass, and Candace and her boobs were sent packing. (By the way, how in the world does Coach have that much power on this show? That’s just ridiculous.) Last week was the second elimination in a row with a completely oblivious victim. Those are always the best and I hope they keep coming. Let the backstabbing begin…

Our recap begins after the jump.

Like every week, we begin with the loser tribe, which happens to be Timbira, arriving back at camp after their last ouster. Erinn, having been super close with Candace, is trying to distance herself from her since, um, everyone voted for Candace to go. She claims that she wasn’t really that close with Candace, and that she was suspicious of her. Obviously, no one is buying it, and Coach even goes as far a to say that she is insulting their intelligence. Assuming that they possess any at all, that is. Apparently Coach is super offended by the idea that Erinn is trying to save her own ass. God...I can’t stand this guy.

It’s now day 7 at Timbira and Jerry sadly coughs. Erinn, who is already looking gaunt, talks about being worried about her association with Candace. She decides that she needs to outperform the other women in her tribe at the next challenge, so show that she should be kept around.

Meanwhile, Jerry decides to skip his second meal in a row because he thinks the beans are giving him stomach problems. Jerry, it’s just gas. I know it’s embarrassing at night to be farting around people you just met, but you need your protein. To be fair...those beans look seriously disgusting, so yeah, I’d be sick too. The rice looks alright though. But really, the fact that they are focusing on this does not bode well for Jerry’s future health. Visit from the medics coming up? Jerry is trying to pretend that he’s totally fine, but um, he’s not that great of an actor?

Now were over to last week’s big winners, Jalapao. They may have won the immunity challenge, but they’re sure not winners at catching fish with the new gear they won. JT thinks the net they have is a throw net, but um, that really doesn’t seem to be the case. I’m not a fishing expert in the slightest, but aren’t you supposed to like...drag the net? Come on people. I’ve been fishing like twice when I was about 10 and I can figure this out. JT claims he would be great at this, but the water’s different than at home. Suuuure.

Anyway, JT decides to stick with what he’s good at, and fishes using the pole. He catches a few decent sized fish (guess the water’s not all that different after all) and Stephen catches a cute little baby fish. Aww...he’s learning so well! Anyway, Jalapao gets to have a decent meal of fish, which should give them an advantage at the challenge. Joe agrees with me.

Now it’s reward challenge time! This one is one of those blindfold type ones. It’s something to do with filling something with corn. The reward is some chairs, blankets, pillows, a hammock, and a large umbrella. It may not be the most practical, but certainly a morale booster. The winners will send someone to Exile and that person picks a winner to join them, like last week.

Each team has a caller. Jalapao picks Joe and Timbira picks Deb. Deb definitely seems to be calling out instructions, but not specifying who they’re for. That doesn’t seem so helpful. She also has the strategy of yelling the same word over and over. Such as, “STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT!” or “RIGHT! RIGHT! RIGHT!” Either Debbie is terrible at directions (my guess) or Jerry and Brendan are deaf.

Jalapao is pretty much kicking Timbira’s ass. I think part of this is because Deb sucks at instructions, but whatever. Jalapao is done with collecting their water and can move on to corn, but Timbira is still working on the water. Uh...yeah...Timbira’s definitely going to lose. As Jeff says, “Timbira really blowing this challenge”. Before Timbira can even finish getting their water, Jalapao wins the challenge. Coach is VERY upset, go figure.

Jalapao picks Brendan to go to Exile (again), who in turn picks Taj (also again). Should be interesting to see how this works out, assuming both of them make it to the merge. After a good start, Timbira is not doing so well. They need to come together as a tribe or they’ll never win.

Coach talks about how upset he is and how they need to start doing better. “Winners find a way to win. Losers find a way to lose”. Damn...he’s like the best coach ever. How inspirational.

Back at Timbira‘s camp, morale is not so high. Coach says that he let out a tribal yell and says that he was really embarrassed by their loss. Coach tells the tribe they shouldn’t go off in groups and blame people. I disagree. If people suck at the challenge, you should notice. People who are bad should go at this point. Well, unless they’re people I like...

Coach then goes off and talks about Sierra during the challenge. Oh, and Erinn too. Is anyone shocked that Coach is a huge hypocrite? No one? Tyson puts it simply in an interview, “One word to describe Coach…I think that’s it: coach. You know? He’s not always the best at what he’s coaching, but he thinks he knows the most.” Lucky Tyson gets to be Coach’s assistant coach and he’s definitely letting it go to his head. Tyson thinks Coach has a “school boy crush” on him. How adorable. He decides that he will eventually get promoted to coach, and decides that “If we ever get put on separate tribes in this game, I will demand that the other tribe calls me coach too”. That would be borderline amazing, actually. Ya know, I would probably like Tyson a lot more if he wasn’t all BFF-like with Coach.

Back at Jalapao, egos are running high. They think that if they win the next challenge, Timbira will be shot. At Timbira, Coach is not letting the fact that they have no comfort get the better of him. He notes that the people from Jalapao are dirtier than them anyway, so they need the comfort more. That’s actually a good way to put it. Way to go, Coach! First good thing I’ve heard from you all season.

At Exile Island, Taj picks the urn with the clue this time and it says that the immunity idols are “surrounded by wood”. I’m going to take this opportunity to leave any sexual innuendos that I have running through my mind out of this...

Although...I’m not sure how much the clue is really going to help them, considering how bad Brandon was at clues last time. Taj and Brendan decide to bring two more people into their alliance, so that they won’t get screwed over if someone else gets sent to Exile, I think. They pick Sierra from Brendan’s tribe and Stephen from Taj’s tribe. They’re hoping to have all four of them make it to the merge. I hope so too...and that they bring JT into their little group. I LOVE it when the people I like form an alliance...it makes everything so much easier.

It’s now day 8 in Jalapao who brag about the fact that they were not cold at all and were glad that Timbira had to sleep through the storm with no blankets to be seen. Sandy is feeling so good that she says, “I know I’m a sex kitten this morning. There’s no doubt in my mind.” Well, maybe there should be Sandy, maybe there should be. Seems like they’re getting pretty cocky over there, I want to see them knocked down off their high horses.

It’s now time for the immunity challenge and the perfect opportunity for Jalapao to be knocked down a peg. Two from each tribe at a time will race and roll crates back to the line. Then they have to correctly stack the crates (so it spells out their name) and they can like...climb up it? I don't know...something like that.

Jalapao takes an early lead, but Timbira quickly overpasses them due to a good job by Tyson and Sierra. Stephen and Sydney kind of suck for Jalapao. Jerry’s obviously not doing well at all. Timbira definitely has the lead (although not a HUGE lead) in this challenge though, at least when it comes to bringing back the crates. Stacking them may be a whole different story.

Erinn is leading Timbira when it comes to stacking, so if she can do well, this could be good for her. Um, but apparently it won’t be, since Timbira is arguing a heck of a lot. Jalapao, on the other hand, seems to be kind of kicking ass. It’s coming down to the last piece, but Jalapao wins in the end. Dang! As Timbira loses, Jerry says “I’m through, I’m finished”. Does that mean he wants to go? That could completely save Erinn, who seems the obvious choice to be going otherwise. Jerry was pretty horrible in the challenge...

Back at camp, Jerry seems in pretty bad shape, but he says he’s not going to quit. Guess that’s not what he meant.

At Timbira, Jerry is not feeling well and people seem mildly concerned. Jerry does his best not to show his weakness. It seems like it’s not working and the tribe talk about how Jerry should go. Coach is not happy with this because I guess Erinn made some sort of evil face when she realized that Jerry was sick and that meant she was staying.

Coach first talks about this with Tyson, who will now be known as “Assistant Coach.” After talking to Assistant Coach, Coach talks about sending Erinn home with Sierra and Debbie. Coach, who’s ego is still larger than Brazil says, “I cannot exist around people like that. You guys can, because you can socialize with them. I am so true that existing around people who smile evilly when somebody else is on their knees, it kills me” Oh Coach, you are so true and superior, obviously. Sierra tells the camera that she’s not stupid, so she’s going to get rid of the weakest link (Jerry), despite how she personally feels about him. Assistant Coach obviously love Coach’s plan and tells Jerry that nobody is trying to vote him out, which is complete and utter bullshit.

Later, Brendan goes to the Tree Mail area to look for the immunity necklace. He finds it pretty easily under the grass skirt of some little treemail statue. Wow, I’m surprised he found it so quickly; he really doesn’t seem that smart. I wonder if he and Taj were looking in the same place.

Brendan hides the idol and I hope that he remembers where he hid it. It’s definitely a good idea to hide the Idol, though. People clearly go through everyone’s stuff to try to find it. But here’s what I want to know...if someone came upon his hidden Idol, could they just take it? They might not realize someone had already found it. But it’s also like...illegal to steal the Idol from someone. Tricky.

Erinn says that she wants to remind people that Jerry is sick without looking like a bitch and Jerry tells people that his health is improving, and my goodness! His smile is so big and bright. Wow, that sounded lame, but really, it’s almost blinding. Erinn doesn’t look too happy that Jerry’s feeling better (Is he even feeling better? Or is he faking it to try to stay?) Either way, how sweet of her. Tyson, who is also a sweetheart says, “Erinn wants to be here so, so bad that her getting blindsided would look really cool. I love seeing people cry when you crush their dreams.” And, honestly, it is pretty amusing and all that, but I so want Coach to not get his way.

Now on to tribal council where Jeff asks the tribe how they feel about momentum and how important it is to the tribe. Tyson says that all they need is one win. Jeff points out that no one would listen to Erinn’s plan, and she talks about how frustrating it is.

Jeff asks Brendan if the tribe communicates well. Brendan thinks they do, but Jerry vehemently disagrees. Jerry thinks they need a leader. Jeff asks who he’d suggest, and Jerry says Brendan. Oooh...the look on Coach’s face there. How pissed off do you think he is that Jerry didn’t suggest him as the leader. Jeff asks Coach what he thinks of the idea of Brendan as the leader, and Coach basically says that HE should be leader, naturally. I wouldn’t expect anything less of him. Apparently on the truck as they were collecting what items they wanted, Coach instructed everyone on what they should get using his eyes. Um...right...this guy’s crazy.

Jeff asks Erinn about her opinion of this, and Erinn says that she thinks Coach may be used to being the leader, but Brendan’s a better leader. Hahaha. That’s clearly true. Coach and Erinn get into a little fight/discussion. Jeff calls Coach out on having a big ego, and Coach tries to claim he doesn’t. Riiiiight. So um, voting time?

We see that Erinn votes for Jerry, Jerry votes for Erinn, and Coach brought his trench coat to Tribal again. You know how chilly it gets in the Brazil. Jeff tallies the votes, asks if anyone wants to play the Immunity Idol (you know Brendan won’t play it), and then reads the votes. And they are:

Jerry
Jerry
Erinn
Jerry
Jerry

And thus, Jerry is the third to leave, and Tyson didn’t get to see Erinn cry. Apparently everyone voted for Jerry. What happened to Coach and Tyson’s big upset?

Bottom Four:
Coach: It’s pretty self-explanatory, but if we had to give a reason, it’d be his GIANT ego.
Assistant Coach (aka Tyson): He says some really funny stuff, but we can’t get past the fact that he’s Coach’s lackey.
Sandy: We didn’t see too much of her, but “not seeing too much” is still too much.
Sydney: We don’t really have a reason. We just don’t like her.

Core Four (Plus One):
We really couldn’t narrow it down to just four people. So yes, we’re breaking our rules, but it’s our blog dammit! We do what we want!

Sierra: She’s still our little underdog and she’s looking better and better as far as position in camp goes. Barring seriously bad performance, she’s safe for at least one more week, and may be joining a secret alliance of four soon.
Taj: Anyone with that maniacal of a laugh must be in our Core Four. Plus, she’s sitting pretty if she makes it to the merge.
Stephen: A potential member of the secret alliance of four and he doesn’t seem to have a giant ego, which is enough to put him in our Core Four.
JT: He didn’t have much of a role in tonight’s episode, but we’re still smitten from last week. Keep it up Huckleberry Finn.
Brendan: At first he just looked like a tool, but he might just be smarter than we thought. He found an idol and may have entered into a very powerful alliance.

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The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik - Women Tell All Recap

Last week, Molly and Jason took a leap of faith, Jillian was just a friend (who you make a soft-core porn with in a hot tub), and Jason couldn’t let his hang-up with Melissa’s parents go. This week is The Women Tell All, which means two hours filled with uncomfortable situations and women scorned. We’ll also get to see some past Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants and how they’re doing now. They’re all married with children, right? I mean, that’s what this show is for. Well, let’s see hell’s fury be released…

See all the awkwardness (and our review/kind of recap) after the jump.

Most Unintentionally Humiliating Moment
Holly admitting to getting with Graham, Robert, and Jesse. And those are only the ones that she told us about. It seems like Rock of Love might have been her true calling, rather than the Bachelor.

Worst Use (Or Lack of Use) of a Bachelorette
Renee, for sure. Why in the world was crazy Renee there if they weren't going to talk to or mock her AT ALL? So disappointing.

Most Uncomfortable Moment
We loved (absolutely loved) Fred when he was on Deanna’s season of the Bachelorette, but hearing him and Noelle (Matt’s season) cooing about each other was sort of uncomfortable. Maybe it was just jealousy though?

Most Ridiculous Claim
“I didn’t want any confrontation. I don’t like it.” – Megan

Most Inaccurate Claim
“Jason, thanks for being here. Thanks for facing the women.” – Chris Harrison. Um, what exactly did he face that was so difficult? Stephanie and Jillian talking about how great he is? I'm pretty sure that's not worthy of thanks. Jason had it SO easy.

Most Misrepresented Moment
Megan and Erica may claim they weren’t starting drama...we all saw the footage and Megan’s frequent swear-ridden tirades. Those girls were trouble and we all know it.

Most Unfair Moment
When everyone, including Chris Harrison, attacked Natalie and then wouldn’t let her defend herself. I definitely heard someone in the background say, “In Natalie’s defense…”, but that person definitely didn’t get to talk. Natalie may be conceited, but at least let her defend herself without being asked leading questions.

Worst Outfit of the Night
Stephanie's peach silk pants. Wow.

Most Classy Moment
Stephanie, as always, took the high road and had nothing but nice things to say about anyone, including Jason. She went as far as to say that she was glad to see Jason. She may have bad fashion sense, but she just seems like a genuinely nice person.

Most True Comment of the Night
“Lauren is...such a bitch.” – Erika

Most Satisfying Moment
We thought that Jillian and Jason actually had a nice talk, and it was nice to see that Jillian had made peace with what had happened and had a civil conversation with Jason. No sour grapes there!

Girl Who Most Changed Our Minds
Jillian. Despite earlier feelings towards her, we actually think she might make a good bachelorette. (See? We can learn to like Canadians...)

Best Four Quotes by Our Illustrious Host, Chris Harrison
1) “‘Since we’re on national television, let’s put it in baseball terms. First base…?”
2) “Cine-a-max called. They said it was too hot.”
3) “Three hours of sex is A LOT.”
4) “The man who gets more air time than I do.” (Introducing Caesar, the limo driver)

Best Four Quotes by Previous Bachelors/Bachelorettes
1) “When you have a child, it brings a whole new world into your world.” – Trista Stutter
2) “I don’t really know what happened, but we went home together that night.” – Sarah
3) “Those are two of the nicest genuine people on the face of planet earth.” – Jesse
4) “He like got super creepy on me” – Holly (about Robert, shocking, right?)

Best Four Quotes by Current Bachelorettes
1) “Chris, you need to calm down.” – Natalie
2) “I hope he finds happiness...I hope I do too!” – Stephanie
3) “Clearly they all love me so much. I’m kidding.” – Natalie
4) “Well, it’s bad when you’re wanting the person to propose to you.” – Jillian (in response to Jason saying it wasn’t a bad thing that he saw her as just a “best friend”)

So...what did you all think? Was anyone else disappointed by the lack of drama? Are they just trying to make everyone look good because the After the Final Rose show is supposed to be so shocking (or horrible, depending on who you talk to)?

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Survivor: Tocantins (Episode 2) Recap

Last week on Survivor, Sandy and Sierra gave a bad first impression, Coach was self-important, Sandy didn’t know what a pace was, and Carolina hit the hills. Survivor has already thrown in a twist and there's been a total blindside...and that was the only first episode! Hopefully this season will continue to produce drama. Let the alliance-forming begin.

Check out the rest of our recap after the jump.

As per Survivor custom, we start with the loser tribe returning to camp after tribal council, and we’re shown them trying to start a fire in the dark. Sandy is naturally happy that she wasn’t sent home and thanks her tribe mates. She says that Carolina played her cards wrong, but she probably shouldn’t pat herself on the back yet since Spencer made it clear in an interview that Sandy’s next to go anyways.

Now it’s the next day at Jalapao camp and they’re eating what appears to be some sort of melon. Spencer talks about how as a teenager, he’s used to always having food. I’m not sure that’s just a teenager thing, but okay. Joe says that veggies are fine, but that the tribe needs meat. Joe decides that they should have termites. I think Joe is from Texas, so I’m assuming he would rather have a good steak. In the termite mounds, the group finds some nasty bugs that look like they belong in a food challenge. Some of them eat them, and I must say they are behaving like they’ve been stranded for months even though this is day 5. If you guys are that hungry now, how’s it going to be on day 39?

At Timbira, Sierra, realizing that she still is sitting in a bad position, decides that she should look for the hidden immunity idol. Instead of looking for it on her own, she enlists the help of Brendan, since he’s the only one who didn’t vote for her originally. The Idol probably won’t be that useful for him, since it can only be used at their first Tribal Council, but he’s still going to help her look for it. Why not, I guess. Can’t really hurt.

They set out to find the idol and quickly find the first clue. Unlike Sandy, the two of them know what a pace is and begin to dig. Meanwhile, back at camp, the group wonders where they are and send Debbie to check on them. Because they’re so secretive, they do not have a giant hole dug in the sand at the beach. Wait, I’m sorry, they are not covert at all and are digging a massive hole right in the middle of the beach. Smooth guys, real smooth. They tell Debbie that they’re digging a huge fire pit to make a bonfire and she actually seems to believe it. How dense can she be?

Candace, on the other hand, is not so enthused about the idea and says that she probably won’t go. Ummm… aren’t they stranded in the middle of nowhere? What else does she have to do? Besides Candace’s disapproval of the idea of a fire pit, no one seems to think it’s odd that they were randomly digging a random hole on the beach. Umm...have these people never seen Survivor before?

Sierra decides that it’s not worth it finding the idol even though she’ll probably be voted out first.

Next, we’re back at Timbira and Candace says that she could really go for some steamed sea bass cooked in foil with lime and oil, and Tyson deadpans that they could probably find all of that around the camp and Candace actually believes it. As a side note I would like to say that Candace needs to wear a bra. Her boobs are really grossing me out.

There’s already some friction in camp, and Coach and Candace are butting heads. Coach says that they have similar personalities in that they both look to find faults in other people. Proving that he’s an arrogant jerk, Coach says that, “I do it because I’m a coach and I do it because that’s my job and I think maybe she does it because that’s just her nature.” Ummm, Coach, it’s not your job out here, so I guess it is in your nature too, ass.

Apparently in REAL LIFE Candace would have been an even bigger ass and like attacked him and broke down his insecurities, but she’s holding back, since she’s on Survivor. Man, she’s ruthless in real life, but not in the game. Shouldn’t it be the opposite? Candace says of Coach, “That man has an ego bigger than Brazil. That will be the death of him.” Probably true, although if I were a betting woman, I would say that it will be Candace’s downfall as well. Coach kind of apologizes to Candace I guess, and then wants to either kiss her or lick her face. I can’t figure out which. Either way, that guy is so messed up.

Now at Jalapao, Taj tells the camp that she normally looks cuter. God, I hope so. She also lets it slip that she’s married to Eddie George, Heisman winner and former pro-football player. Spencer, Joe, and Hick all know who he is and look surprised that she told them that so non-chelantly. Stephen, the nerd from New York, obviously has no idea who Eddie George is. J.T. tells the camera that his perspective on Taj has changed because she obviously has more money than any of them. Spencer seems very impressed by it though.

It begins to rain as Jeff tells the tribes about their second immunity challenge. Since I never really pay attention as Jeff explains the rules, I can only say that it’s something about scoring goals. First team to three wins immunity, fishing gear, and the right to send a member of the other team to Exile Island. Apparently there’s a new Exile Island twist, but Jeff is being a tease and won’t tell us yet.

First round is Taj, Stephen, and Sydney for Jalapao vs. Sierra, Candace, and Tyson for Timbira. The game gets violent fast, which I love. Candace ends up scoring, giving Timbira the lead.

Next match up is JT, Joe, and Sandy for Jalapao vs. Erinn, Brendan, and Tyson (again) for Timbira. God, I love the violence of this. This match is really just about the boys, since Sandy refuses to let go of Erinn’s bikini, so the two of them are basically just sitting at the other end of the game. Tyson scores, giving Timbira a 2-0 lead.

Next round is all girls...Candace, Sierra, and Erinn for Timbira vs. Taj, Sydney, and Sandy for Jalapao. I’m pretty sure the girls just tried to drown Sierra. Awesome. Taj takes a couple of open shots and completely misses, Candace also tries, also misses, and eventually Sydney scores, putting Jalapao on the board.

Now we get a guys round with JT, Joe, and Spencer for Jalapao vs. Brendan, Coach, and Jerry for Timbira. Coach can barely walk through the water, and JT scores fairly early on. So now it’s tied 2-2.

Final match up is Stephen, Sydney, and Taj for Jalapao vs. Sierra, Candace, and Tyson for Timbira. This game is pretty intense, with no one getting off any good shots for a while. The match ups are Stephen vs. Tyson, Sierra vs. Sydney, and Candace vs. Taj, and they all seem pretty evenly paired. Also, these people all kind of suck at shooting. Stephen eventually scores, giving Jalapao the win. Boooo.

Jalapao, as the winners, decide to send Brendan to Exile Island. In a shocking twist, Brendan gets to chose one member of the winning tribe to go with him to Exile Island. He chooses to bring Taj with him, and they head off with a map and the hope of finding an idol.

We see a talking head of Tyson saying that Sierra’s probably going to be the one to go for their tribe. Ahhh...I hope not. That girl better start searching hardcore for the Idol.

An excited Jalapao gets back to camp and does a tribe cheer. Sandy is glad they won because if they lost there was probably a “50% chance” she was going home. Ummm. I would have put the odds a bit higher than that, dear. Who else would even be considered?

The J.T. and Stephen quickly get to work with the fishing gear they won and J.T. stands out as knowing what he’s doing. Stephen is particularly impressed and as he puts it, “He might just be seducing me with his pretty county ways, but I’m smitten.” We see some adorable Norman Rockwell painting worthy shorts of JT teaching Stephen to fish, and Stephen declares that he is going to become the greatest spear fisherman ever and J.T. remarks that they “ain’t got nothin’ but time and hunger pains.” They come back from fishing empty handed but for the heartwarming new friendship they formed.

We now head to an extremely barren-looking Exile where Brendan declares that he thinks that this will be a good opportunity to get information from Taj. Once at Exile they find two urns from which to choose. Taj chooses the empty one and Brendan’s urn contains the first immunity idol clue (something about Tribal Homeland —so back at camp?) and a note that tells him he can switch to the other tribe if he wants. . Would Taj then have to go to his tribe? Brendan says there’s no way he’s going to change tribes, so I guess we won’t find out just yet. He decides to share his clue with Taj, so she still tags along with him as he fruitlessly searches for the idol. Taj correctly tells him that the clue means it’s back at camp. Taj and Brendan bond, and decide they both want to get sent back to Exile for more clues. Dang...Brendan’s forming alliances left and right.

Back at Timbira camp, some of them start talking about Coach, since he sucked at the challenge hardcore. Candace tries to throw Coach under the bus and get him sent home. She describes him as being all words and no action and as being, “one of the church women at my church who go every Sunday and wear these hats, but that ain’t on the up and up.” I think the idea is that he acts like he’s a certain way, but it’s actually bullshit. Or she might just think he should cover up his hair with a hat, which I completely agree with.

Later, Debbie tells Coach that Candace was trash-talking him and Coach, hearing this, decides that Candace should be the next to go. So much for his keeping strong players around plan. Yeah...there’s a reason no one ever does that. You get rid of strong players when they’re a threat. Saying you want to win against the best is cute and all that, but umm...you need to actually get to the end for it to matter.

Brendan now heads back to camp and is greeted by hugs. He tells the group that she got the urn with the clue in it, and that she went off looking for it without him. That was actually a good move on his part. The best lies have a grain of truth to them. They seem to believe him, although you’d think they’d still be suspicious either way.

Later at Timbira, Erinn and Candace talk about wanting to get rid of Coach, although they’re not sure this is the best time. They decide to wait to make a move on Coach. Boy, things are definitely looking good for Sierra. I never thought I would say that after the idol search snafu.

The whole tribe (minus Sierra) talk about “sticking with the original plan”, meaning getting rid of Sierra, although at least Coach has no intention of going with this. Tyson and Jerry talk about what they’re going to do. I think they might still stick with Sierra, but I’m not totally sure. Coach tells Sierra that he’s voting for Candace, but Sierra doesn’t feel very safe. That makes sense. Why would anyone trust Coach?

Erinn and Candace talk, and Candace assures Erinn that if anyone strays, neither of them will be the target. I definitely hope that Candace goes, because I like Sierra. Candace will be way more fun to see voted out, since she thinks there’s no way to going. Who doesn’t love a nice blindside?

Now they head to Tribal Council, where Jeff starts asking questions about how the tribe feels about Sierra and why they voted for her originally. He then turns the questions to how well Candace is getting along with the tribe. So um...who do we think are the possible targets this week? Jeff has to ask way more questions than they actually show, because otherwise it’d be pretty obvious who was getting votes, or at least being considered for votes.

Jeff then asks about Brendan and his experience at Exile, and Coach talks about how Brendan says he didn’t get the clue. Coach believes him, because apparently Coach completely trusts Brendan. Jerry talks about trusting and liking people on his tribe too.

Erinn, on the other hand, is reasonable. She points out that you can’t trust people after three days just because you trekked four hours through the jungle together. Very good point.

And then it’s time to vote. The tribe votes and when Coach comes back from voting, coat in hand, Jeff goes to “tally the votes.”

Jeff asks if anyone has the hidden Immunity Idol, and, of course, Sierra doesn’t. The votes are:

Candace
Sierra
Candace
Candace
Candace
Candace

With (at least) five votes, Candace is gone. So...did anyone else NOT vote for Candace? Because weren’t her and Erinn all BFF-like? Interesting.

Core Four


Sierra: She seems like the weakest person there, yet she survived again. She’s definitely becoming our favorite underdog.

Stephen: He may be a geeky New Yorker, but his newfound friendship with J.T. is pretty cute.

J.T.: He’s good at surviving and he is still wooing us (and Stephen) with his Southern charm.


Brendan: Even though he was a little slow about the clue, he did a good job lying about Exile Island.

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