Core Four Reviews

America's Next Top Model: Season 12 (Episode 1)

2009-03-06T22:24:00.006-06:00

So, America's Next Top Model is back for another season. At this point, no one actually expects a super model to come out of the show. If you occasionally see the winner in anything other than a Covergirl commercial during the following ANTM season, she's doing pretty well. So, while the show's not good for actually producing top models, it is good for lots of drama, ridiculous photo shoots, and plenty of Tyra worship. And who doesn't love that? Let the competition begin!

Read the review/recap after the jump.

This year the final 34 finalists are going to Sin City to compete to be America’s Next Top Model, or at the very least, America’s Next Top Girl Who Is Slightly Famous. The first girl we meet is Celia, who is 25 years old. She’s already ancient my model standards, and she kinda looks like a Stepford Wife. I really don’t see her winning this thing.

The next girl we meet is Allison who says, “It’s pretty hard for me to interact with a lot of girls. I’ve heard people call me, like, creepy or strange or something.” Always a good sign. She’ll probably be good for some drama if she makes it into the house (which she will, since I’ve already seen the 13 finalists’ pictures on the CW website).

When they make it to Caesar’s Palace, London, who is wearing one of those hipster/gay headbands, can’t see what’s happening over everyone’s heads because they’re so tall. I already don’t like her, just for the headband. Maybe she should model for American Apparel.

Out step the Jays (if you don’t know who they Jays are, than why are you watching ANTM?) from behind their fantasy (a bunch of roman gladiators). Fo (Fo, seriously?) almost starts crying when she sees them. The Jays then spew some crap about how Tyra is a goddess and that’s what they’re aspiring to or something. We then meet Sandra who is from Africa, and puts the emphasis on the wrong syllable when saying the word goddess. I guess it’s not her fault since she’s foreign.

Because this is top model, the Jays make them change into ~~Greek~~ Roman goddess outfits. This is how Gisele got her start too, I’m sure. The girls emerge from the changing room and scream as they enter the room. This is Top Model, after all, and Top Model is nothing without unwarranted screaming. Jay tells them they’re taking profile photos and Celia is the first victim. Fo goes next and gives Jay a hug, wow, she’s is really obsessed with him. She tells the camera that she’s a hippy and a tree hugger.

Sandra is next and she says that she stands out because she’s darkest or something. I am sensing a bit of repetition as far as the girls that they’re showing. Perhaps these girls will make it into the house? Answer, yes, they will.

There’s a girl with a fro named Aminat, which begs the questions: Where does Tyra find so many girls with weird names? How do you even pronounce that?

After Aminat is a girl named Kathryn, whose future is not looking too bright. She seems nice and is the youngest one there. Too bad she won’t make it to the house. We also meet Teyona, who slouches and grew up in the rustic countryside…of New Jersey. Sounds quaint.

Miss Jay then has the girls walk “on clouds” or as I call it, “dry ice smoke”. Sandra’s walk is OK, a girl name Angelea looks like a hooker walking towards a John’s car, and Allison is terrible. Jessica, who is from Puerto Rico (I don’t think we’ve had one of those before!) looks hot as she walks and tells the camera she wants to, “represent Latinas to the fullest.”

Isabella, who does a lot of odd hand gestures as she talks, is excited to be judged by Tyra herself. The Jays are talking to the girls when they are rudely interrupted by a bunch of gladiators who are accompanying the goddess Tyra herself out to the girls. The naturally start flipping shit and screaming because Tyra can’t enter a room in any other fashion. She has a gladiator proclaim that she is the goddess of fierce. Tyra, in an ambiguous accent, tells the girls that she is looking for a successor, someone to “light her chariot of fire”. Whoa, calm down there. Which is it, a successor or chariot of fire lighter?

Celia is so excited to see Tyra and says that Tyra is an extra-terrestrial. Is that supposed to be a good thing? Tyra tells the girls to strike a pose and this somehow leads to an issue between Angelea and Sandra. I don’t really understand why, but these are ANTM contestants so I really don’t feel the need to figure it out. It was something about how Angelea has long nails.

It’s now time for the judges’ panel and Sandra is up first looking fierce in red heels and high-waisted shorts. The judges compliment her and she breaks down crying. Wow, how is she going to react to criticism? She tells the judges she loves her dark skin, and that she’s proud of it.

Next up is stupid London, with her stupid headband. She’s wearing extremely unflattering shorts with tights under them. There is nothing about this girl that I like. She tells the judges that she is a “street preacher” and this makes me like her even less, mostly due to the way she said it. She talked loudly and slowly as if she was talking to a non-English speaker and thought that would help. I really can’t stand her. I like Jesus too, but I’m not obnoxious about it.

The next girl is 18-year-old Jessica, from Puerto Rico. She’s quite cocky. Next girl we see is Tahlia, who is a burn-survivor who feels her story should be out there. She has scars over her lower half from when she was 8-months-old and pulled at a coffeemaker cord and spilled it on herself. I think it’s admirable that she is comfortable in her body and going on this show.

We then go to the room and see Monique spewing crazy (and I mean seriously ridiculous) conspiracy theorists, and then she is the next girl at panel. She craps out more crazy theories and poses some. Next up is Natalie, whose family is rich and has never worked a day in her life. Well, she probably is spoiled, but I mean, she’s only 18, it’s not that crazy. Aminat (the fro) is next and she’s really tall.

Kathryn, the young one breaks down while getting attacked by Angelea and Aminat thinks she should go if she can’t take the heat. Celia says that the wall-flowers aren’t going to be able to cut it, and that she can tell who is going home.

Kathryn is up next and she brings in a bunch of pens but can only name one working model. Not so good. Come on it’s easy. How bout Caroline Trentini, Chanel Iman, Adriana Lima, Coco Rocha, Gemma Ward, or even Gisele Bundchen? And I’m not even trying to be a model. She comes back out in her swimsuit and can actually name three designers. Good on ya mate.

Next is the most boring-looking white girl, Alex, who talks like she grew up in Compton. Wow, you definitely wouldn’t expect that coming out of a girl wearing a light pink, ruffly blouse. Next up is epileptic Isabella. Wow, does every one of these girls have a gimmick. Ok, maybe that’s the wrong word, but I guess they need someone contrevertial since they couldn’t find any transgender girls this year.

Next up is prom queen Nijah who scowls when she poses. Kinda reminds me of Dionne from the season that went to Australia. I didn’t much care for Dionne, but we’ll see about Nijah.

Up next is Fo, who is Blaxican (black and Mexican) and gorgeous. She didn’t even know that she was half-black until she met her father. Wow, that’s crazy.

It’s dinner time for the girls and Angelea tells Kortnie that she had a daughter that passed away. Wow, that’s horrible, but my compassion for her situation does not extend far enough for me to forgive her for her atrocious nails. It really is sad though. I can’t even imagine.

Angelea is in panel next and she slept in a bus station in New York City to be there. OK, that might be taking this a bit to far. Tyra may be fierce, but she’s not worth getting raped for.

Celia is next and she’s actually wearing a really cute outfit. The colors are spot on. I love it in the same sense that I love everything I see in a J Crew catalogue. She’s self-aware about the fact that she’s old and has definitely blossomed since she was little as evidenced by a photo shown on the screen.

Kortnie, the only plus-size girl is up next, and I am having trouble coming up with new ways to say which girl is at panel next. Kortnie has dated Dale Earnhardt Jr., who is overrated as far as NASCAR racers go, and I am embarrassed that I know that. Time in Texas will do that to you, let me tell you. They love him down here, though. He’s not like that Yankee, Jeff Gordon.

We go back to the girls hanging out and the girls are frightened by Allison’s ~~bug~~ big eyes. I can only assume she’s in panel next. Oh, I’m good. Allison tells Tyra that, “either they say I look like a scary doll or like a porcelain doll,” when referring to her eyes. She tells the judges that she always wanted a nose-bleed because they look pretty and she has a fascination with blood. Yeah, they’re not so fun when you’re in high school and you can’t stop bleeding in Ogilvie Station and an ambulance has to and take you to a hospital and you have to get your blood vessels cauterized. Didn’t happen to me, but it did to a friend. Not so pretty then. Teyona is next and her panel is not very noteworthy.

The girls are all done with panel, and the Jays say the 34 girls are being cut down to lucky 21. Some of the lucky girls are Sandra, London, Fo, Jessica, Kortnie, Tahlia, Aminat, Allison, Teyona, Kathryn, Nijah, Natalie, Isabella, Angelea, and Celia. Among the losers are conspiracy theorist Monique and Alex, the blackest white girl you’ve seen. I’m pretty sure Kathryn and Angelea are the only girls that don’t make it to the house that we’ve seen moving on.

After the cut, Jay tells the girls they have a photo shoot, wherein they are each assigned a goddess with an attribute they must portray. London is justice, Fo is madness, Sandra does a bad job at success, Nijah is friendliness (Oh, yeah, I definitely remember learning about that goddess in Greek mythology. Not so much.), and Sandra and Angelea get in a bitch fight. Oh, how I’ve missed ANTM. We get some great quotes out of this fight such as, “This bitch tryin’ to try me.” and “Who are you rolling your eyes at? Do you have an eye problem?” and “Bitch need a perm. That’s what she need.”

Now the Jays and Tyra look at the pictures and decide what 13 girls are moving on. I’m not going to go over what they said, but they decided upon 13. And those 13 are:

Aminat
Natalie
Fo
Allison
Tahlia
Celia
Nijah
London (who thanks Jesus, belch)
Teyona
Kortnie
Isabella
Jessica
and
Sandra

Thus concludes the first part of the premier. Now we’re on to NYC, the Top Model house, and real photo shoots. Well, as real as an ANTM photo shoot can get. London can’t believe she’s there and thinks there should be a word for “holy cow, this is really happening.” I think I have that word. It’s, well, it’s actually 3 words: shut you trap. Seriously can’t stand the girl.

Isabella is excited and seems to think that just being in New York gives her license to call herself a model. Well, I guess I was once a model myself, having spent a week there. Sandra is cocky as ever, and Celia talks more about her age. They go up in the empire state building and to have Kortnie tell it, “your ears pop, so that means you’re pretty high.” Well put. Nigel and Paulina Porizkova (whose name I spelled right on the first try, for the win) are waiting for them and Nigel is looking as hot as ever. Nigel hands Celia the keys to their house, and I can’t help but think, “that was big to-do just to hand them keys.”

The girls enter the house to the usual chorus of gleeful screaming. The first floor contains only picture of Tyra, but because she is so humble and modest, the second floor has pictures of past winners. Celia was told she got her pick of beds since she was handed the key and she chooses a bed that Sandra has put her purse on. I sense that Sandra may raise some hell over this. Not sure why. In the past she has just been a sweet, little bed of roses. It turns out that there are only 12 beds so Sandra tells Celia that she’s keeping the bed since she got it first.

In normal society, someone might say, “Well, let’s just share the bed for a couple days until someone is eliminated. It is a double bed after all and we both weigh 12 lbs so we’ll easily fit.” But, alas, this is Top Model, so I have a feeling it won’t be so easily resolved. OK, way to prove me wrong girls. Sandra almost immediately says they should share the bed. I am pleasantly surprised. Wait, OK, I thought Sandra would be the unreasonable on in this case, but it’s Celia who refuses to share. OK, I guess standing closet to Nigel when he gave the girls the key makes her princess of the house. It’s not like she won a challenge or anything. She just stood there. London, the “pacifist” steps in and sleeps on the floor “because of Jesus.” I really, really don’t like her.

The girls, who are now in a ridiculously cool house, complain that there’s no pool. Really?

First Tyra mail that’s something about good and bad. The Jays are waiting for the girls and London is excited to see them and says to the camera, “Any time I see those two boys I know something is gonna happen.” Thanks Sherlock. It’s not like they enjoy spending time with you or something. They’re there because they’re paid to be there, dumbass.

They tell the girls they are going to be a fashion show. Celia loves being in New York rather than Kentucky because in Kentucky, “nobody cares about fashion because they’re all mowing their lawns.” Oh yes, I knew about that proverb. He who moweth thine lawn, shant not care about fashion, right?

The runway show starts and Isabella is nervous because there are strobe lights, which may affect her epilepsy. I now feel bad about every seizure joke I’ve made about flashing lights. That sucks. She doesn’t have a seizure, though, thank God. Sandra, who earlier bragged that her walk was an 8 or 9, walks like crap and only goes halfway down the runway. Tahlia had a tough time because she was covered up at the show and she felt that her burns shouldn’t be covered since they’re not ugly.

At the house the girls are having a conversation and getting to know each other in a bedroom when Sandra interrupts them to tell them to leave the room and have their “stupid conversation” in the living room. OK then party pooper. She then proceeds to not sleep.

Now it’s time for the girls’ first photo shoot. Jay rides up on a bike in a funky body suit, which, naturally, has nothing to do with the shoot. The shoot is about childhood games such as ring around the Rosie (Fo), tug of war (London), tag (Tahlia), leap frog (Natalie), hide and seek (Sandra), monkey bars (Kortnie), London bridges (Aminat), musical chairs(Nijah), double dutch (Allison), hopscotch (Teyona), hula hoop (Celia), dodge ball (Isabella), and jacks (Jessica). I’m not going to recap exactly what happened since there was no major issue and it’s the end result that really matters.

After the shoot, Sandra is not nervous at all but Tahlia is very worried because her insecurities showed through. It’s now panel time and Tyra goes over the prizes and introduces the judges: Nigel, Miss Jay, and Paulina. Now let’s judge.

Sandra: The judges give her crap for only going part way down the runway. He picture is pretty boring and there was a lot more she could have done with her game (hide and seek) and her face in the picture just looks confused.

Celia: Tyra likes her outfit and her picture looks pretty cute and fun. Tyra says that she’s not a commercial girl, but her picture would fit in at Seventeen Magazine.

Fo: Nigel thinks her picture is adorable, and I would have to agree, though her face isn’t very modelesque.

Aminat: The shoot was supposed to be about innocence, but she kinda looks like a bitch in her shot (London Bridge). Miss Jay says she’s going to have to watch out for her knee because it’s whacked out.

London: I don’t like her, but she actually did get a good shot. Next.

Jessica: She looks gorgeous in her picture, but it has absolutely nothing to do with playing jacks.

Teyona: She’s got a great pose in her shot, but her head is too small. Good critique, Tyra. I’m sure she’ll work on getting a bigger head for next week. She can just ask Sandra for tips.

Isabella: Isabella’s pose is really weird and I’m definitely not getting a dodge ball vibe from it. Tyra says that she needs to learn where the camera is.

Nijah: She’s got a great smile that captures what the shoot was about, but she fell victim to the classic “not representing the game” trap.

Kortnie: Tyra doesn’t like the way her leg is positioned, but she gets a generally good review.

Allison: The judges love the innocence of her face. I think she’s probably really weird, but she’s gorgeous.

Tahlia: Her picture is alright, although the judges aren’t thrilled with her pose.

Natalie: Tyra tells her to take of her fugly hipster headband. Good move, I hate those headbands. Her picture is pretty good.

Now it’s time for deliberation, which I’ll write nothing about.

Tyra hands out the pictures to:
Allison (Nosebleed)
Fo (Blaxican)
Teyona (Small Head)
London (Yuck)
Celia (Grandma)
Nijah (Boring)
Kortnie (NASCAR)
Natalie (Ritchie Rich)
Aminat (Afro)
Tahlia (Coffee Pot)
Jessica (Puerto Rico)

This leaves Isabella and Sandra as the bottom two. So...Sandra’s runway walk and photo were bad and Isabella’s photo sucked. So logically they should keep Isabella, but they won’t. She’s drama. She’ll stay. And the last photo goes to…

Sandra(Bitch)

That means Isabella is going home. Guess she won’t need that three month supply of epilepsy medication. I don’t care too much one way or the other about Isabella going. I didn’t dislike her, but I didn’t care about her either. So yeah. Oh well.

Core Four:

Celia: She has great fashion sense and she knows that her age is her biggest weakness. We think she’ll go pretty far.

Fo: She seems sweet (so far) and although her name is stupid, we like her.

Jessica: She may be a little cocky, but she’s gorgeous and there’s never been a contestant from Puerto Rico before. She already represents Hispanic people better than Jaslene.

Kortnie: We think she’ll go farther than most plus-size girls because she doesn’t seem to be stressing about it. That usually seems to be their downfall.

Bottom Four:

Aminat: We don't know too much about her, but from what we've seen, she seems kinda bitchy.

London: There is nothing about this girl that we like. Seriously, at all.

Natalie: She seemed to really love herself. We don't feel the same way.

Sandra: She's obviously going to be the bitch of the season. And we're not the type to cheer for the bitch.

After The Final Rose (Part Two): Molly Is Actually A Good Person, We Swear Edition

2009-03-03T23:43:00.007-06:00

So, we've finished watching "After 'After The Final Rose'" and, well, we don't really have that much more to add. We still think Jason and Molly have no class, and we definitely wondered how much ABC was paying the other Bachelorettes to say nice things about Jason and wondering how on earth Jason showed integrity by doing what he did. If Jason showed integrity, then I am a saint. Basically, watching this ATFR2, for us, was to put it lightly, yucky. It felt like ABC was trying to shove this love story down our throats and telling us that it tastes good even though it tastes like vomit, and I really hate the taste of vomit.

If you're wondering what our full thoughts are on everything, you can read them here:

Alissa's Thoughts

Kristen's Thoughts

There's no more to this post, but feel free to comment about either the After the Final Roses or the season in general.

Here's What I Think About the Final Episode

2009-03-03T19:29:00.008-06:00

So, I have a lot of thoughts to share with everyone, as I’m sure everyone does after that little doozy last night! There’s so much to say, but it’s hard to put all of the ickyness into words. I’ll start by saying that I knew what was coming going into the episode, as was the case for many of you, I’m sure. That said, it was hard to watch the episode and not have knowing everything alter how I felt about it. I really hoped that the rumors that were going around weren’t true, but I knew that they had to be.

Read my crazy rant after the jump.

I guess I’ll start with the first 2 hours of the show and leave the juicy part for later. I think it was very clear that Melissa was way better with Ty than Molly was. I mean, she had a lame joke up her sleeve for every occasion, and all Molly could do was throw compliments at Ty and hope he would put up with her. (Can you already see my prejudice here?) I thought they both did well with the families, but editing can be deceiving (Obviously).

Both their dates went well, as usual, and Molly took control of her date, as usual, and gave Jason a message that I can only assume she finished off with a “happy ending”, if you know what I mean.

But I gotta say, all that was sort of boring, especially if you knew what was coming later. I suppose one of the few interesting parts (hmmm… interesting is the wrong word, maybe noteworthy?) was when Deanna came to New Zealand (she just happened to know Jason was there and bought a plane ticket, obviously) and talked to Jason. Now, I know people are going to say she asked for Jason back, but I really didn’t get that vibe. It seemed to me that she just wanted to ~~extend her 15 minutes of fame~~ give him advice on who to pick.

Finally, we had the dumping and the proposal. I found the Molly segment interesting in that it was not at all interesting. All it did was set up the idea that Jason was making a mistake. She even told him he was going to regret his decision later, convenient, no? It also contained the longest walk back to the limo I’ve ever seen. Now read carefully, because this is going to be the last time you will see me write this, I felt bad for Molly. That had to be so uncomfortable. We could debate for days over if Molly knew, when Molly knew, and if there was even anything for Molly to know, but I’m guessing that she didn’t know at that point. They would have wanted real emotions.

Now, Jason’s proposal to Melissa was a little hard for me to swallow, since I knew I was about to see him break up with her. It was very nice and all and Melissa was adorable and endearing, but I just wanted to slap Jason across the face as he said, “I am completely in love with you.” Another point I’d like to address is the fact that he even proposed at all. If he was really so in love with both girls, why did he have to propose. Other bachelors have just picked a girl to date and not proposed. He claimed that he wanted to give the relationship everything he had, but why then, did he not try harder after they got engaged. Obviously I was not privy to what exactly happened, but Jason claimed things changed, and Melissa said he wasn’t communicating that to her. Communication is key and we all know that. Jason clearly didn’t try to work on their relationship or he would have talked to Melissa about how he was feeling and tried to work through it.

If he was still thinking about Molly, why couldn’t he have said that to Melissa so she could have told him, “Well, pal, obviously things off the TV show aren’t going to be as nice and flowery as they were when we were on Winston Churchill’s boat in New Zealand. Maybe it’s making you think that things would have been just as magical with Molly, but no matter who you’re with it’s not going to be the same as going on extravagant dates and crazy adventures. There will be times when things aren’t fun, and you might not have something to talk about at every second, but silence can be just as nice when you’re with someone you love. Douche.” Or something like that, I dunno. Just a thought.

I’ve already delved into it a little, but it’s now time for my thoughts on the much-hyped “After the Final Rose”. There were so many things that disgusted me about that show, but first and foremost is the fact that Jason just “had” to break up with Melissa in front of the cameras. He claimed to People Magazine that he did it because he couldn’t see her in person otherwise, but if I was Melissa I would have preferred to get broken up with on the phone, or by email, or by text (and that’s bad because You Can’t Text Message Breakup). It’s sad when ending your engagement the same way Britney Spears ended her marriage (text message) is classier than the route you chose.

Jason also told Chris Harrison that he wanted a shot with Molly before he’d even broken up with Melissa. How was this even remotely fair to Melissa? And, let me say, there’s a recipe for a successful relationship: ending an engagement and then trying to start a new one within hours. It was ridiculous.

I also have to say that I thought that Melissa handed the situation with great class and aplomb. She was obviously upset, but didn’t throw a profanity laced tirade at Jason, and made some excellent points such as, “For me, getting engaged and finding that person is a one time thing and you took that from me.” Yeah, you ass!

Next we came to the part where Chris Harrison interviewed Molly with some very leading questions about how she would still take him back. My thoughts as I was watching were, “This interview with Molly is icky. She still wants him back? Why on earth would you still want him when he rejected you on national TV? Have some pride.” I think that pretty much says it all.

Then Jason came out and said, “Holy cow, it’s been a long time.” Wow, could they have emphasized that any more. If I had been keeping track of how many times they mentioned that Jason and Molly hadn’t seen each other it would have been at least a baker’s dozen. I think it’s all lies. She may be a little bit classless, but I don’t think she would have taken him back without any prior contact whatsoever.

Watching Jason tell Molly he broke up with Melissa was gross, Molly could barely contain her glee. After initially pretending she had a bunch of questions, she decided to give Jason another shot. Seriously. I mean, she asked him when he realized he was going to pick Melissa and all he said was that it was hard to let Molly go. Way to answer a question, ass. Despite that, Molly still took him back and proceeded to make out with him. Melissa was probably crying in the limo at that point and the whole thing made me feel like I needed to shower.

The final issue I want to share my thoughts on is ABC and the producers’ roles in all of this. I believe that Jason did want Molly all along and that the producers encouraged him to pick Melissa and then dump her. This, to me, makes both Jason and the producers skeezy, but I would say that most of the blame lies with Jason. He was the one that ultimately led Melissa to believe that he loved her and wanted to marry her. He didn’t have to go along with the producers plan. I’m sure that ABC’s contract is mighty and powerful, but I doubt there’s anything in there that says that he has to pick who they want him to. My co-blogger, Alissa, likened it to a relationship in which the man is cheating on his girlfriend. The other woman may have been a bit trashy to be doing that, but the boyfriend is the one to blame. He’s the one that was cheating, and Jason was the one that was deceiving Melissa, not the producers.

OK, I said that was my final thought, but I have one more thing to get off my chest. Molly. Molly, Molly, Molly. What can I do with the girl. I think she knew way before that taping that Jason wanted to be with her. It just seems to be the most logical conclusion to me. Why would she take him back without any contact at all? Well, actually, I’m interested in knowing why she would take him back either way, but that’s a whole other issue. I don’t think Molly is really at fault here though. It’s like Alissa’s analogy, she may be tactless, but she wasn’t the one cheating on Melissa. That being said, she shouldn’t have kissed Jason on camera. Gross.

My Final Verdict:
It was all Deanna’s fault. She was the one that pushed Jason into picking Melissa by saying he should go with the safe one instead of following his heart. Great advise Deanna. Do you see what you did to poor Jason and Molly by tearing them apart? God, she is quite a piece of work, am I right? Can I get an amen? I think we can all agree that regardless of everything else, Deanna caused all of this. Sweet little Molly sat at home crying for weeks without any contact with her one true love and poor, honorable Jason tossed and turned at night knowing that he made a tragic decision that hurt Molly, all while evil Deanna was sleeping like a baby and wicked Melissa got the good edit on TV.

The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik (Last Episode and AtFR 1) - My Thoughts

2009-03-03T16:02:00.006-06:00

“jason mesnik is an ass”
“jason mesnik sucks”
“jason mesnik is an idiot”

And my favorite:

“CHILD ABUSE ABC + JASON MESNICK”

All of those are searches that people have used to get to our blog since last night. And I completely agree with them. Well...maybe not the last one. That might be A BIT excessive. Although...I’m all for positive reinforcement with kids and all that, but picking out the name “Sheep” for a lamb is NOT a praise-worthy decision. (And this is coming from a girl who named her stuffed lamb “Lambie” and her two blankets “Pinky” and “Yellow Blanket”...anyone want to guess what colors they were?)

But...back to the Jason bashing!

Post/rant continues after the jump.

Here’s the thing...whether you believe ABC orchestrated this ending or you think it was completely real...whether you think Jason picked Melissa knowing he wanted Molly or you think he made a mistake and changed his mind...breaking up with your fiancé on national television is the shittiest move in Bachelor history. Or at least on all the Bachelors I’ve watched so far. If Jason did “make a mistake” and chose the wrong girl, then act like a compassionate human being and break up with her without millions of people watching. It’s not that hard. No where in the Bachelor contract did it have a clause saying, “By the way, if you do happen to break up with the woman you proposed to less than two months after filming, you kind of have to dump her ass on our show.” I mean...I haven’t read the contract, but I’m sure that’s not in there. Also not in there...the stipulation that you have to propose to anyone at all. If you’re SO torn the morning of the final rose ceremony, don’t propose. If you’re “in love with two women,” don’t propose. And if you do propose, try to mean it. We all make stupid decisions, but Melissa was totally right...if he really did think he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, he should have tried to make it work. Or at least given a better reason than “it feels different.” Because well, that’s crap.

But I don’t blame ABC or the Bachelor. Do I think they were involved in orchestrating what happened? Yeah, I definitely do. But I wouldn’t expect anything less of them. They’re in it to make money. They’re concerned with giving us good, dramatic television, not a love story. I mean...if a love story goes along with that, awesome. But people tune in for the drama. Jason’s the one that had a relationship with Melissa. He’s the one who made the decision to humiliate her by dumping her on national television. The Bachelor can encourage him all they want, but ultimately, it’s up to him whether he wants to be a decent person or not. And he chose not to be. So...I’ll definitely still be watching The Bachelor in the future. I’ve always watched it knowing that what you see isn’t the whole story. It’s still entertaining. I mean, don’t get me wrong...I want my love story. Kristen (my co-blog author) said it best when we were talking last night. It’s like watching a movie. You know it’s not real, but you still want your happily ever after.

A few other quick thoughts on last night’s show...

The only think I dislike about Melissa, I think, is her tramp stamp. Why? Does anyone actually think those look good?

Was anyone else just sitting there dreading the final hour (knowing what happens from spoilers)? At the really cute moments...like the proposal...I should have been like “awww,” but instead I’m like, “How could you, you bastard?”

Okay, there’s no way that the conversation between Molly and Chris (about how she was still in love with Jason and would take him back and all that) happened without Molly knowing that Jason had just dumped Melissa. She HAS to have been in contact with Jason. Well, either that or she’s pretty much the most pathetic person ever. And she has to have more self-respect than that, right?

As much as Jason claims that he can’t help how he feels and he’s just following his heart and all that crap, if your heart is telling you to dump your fiancé on TV, then well, your heart’s an ass.

I’m pretty sure it’s super inappropriate to make out with another girl about 15 minutes after you dumped your fiancé on national television.

And...best lines of the night go to Melissa, for sure:

“Don’t call me. Don’t text me anymore. Leave me alone, please.”

Jason: There’s obviously no way that I’m perfect.
Melissa: I’ll second that.

And...my favorite line of the night:

“You’re such a bastard.”

Yeah...I love Melissa.

So...tomorrow night’s show? I’m hoping Jason breaks up with Molly, and they bring Jillian out, and Jason asks her for another chance. Or Naomi. Or Megan. Or maybe crazy Renee and her vision boards. Is this REALLY the best we can do for drama ABC? Because I think Jason can break up with a lot more girls...

But yeah...Jason Mesnik...worst Bachelor ever?

The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik (Last Episode and After the Final Rose Part 1)

2009-03-03T01:19:00.004-06:00

Alright...we didn't actually write a recap this week. Besides the fact that it's hard to recap a whole three hour episode, we also read the spoilers (didn't everyone this year?) and knew what was going to happen. Knowing what we did, we would have found it VERY hard to keep our opinions out of it. Speaking of our opinions, Kristen and I will each be writing our own reaction to the show and what Jason did tomorrow. We definitely have some opinions on what went down...

So...what did you all think? Did Jason just make an honest mistake? Did he purposely toy with Melissa's emotions? And um, who dumps their fiance on national television?

(There's nothing after the jump...no need to click!)

Survivor: Tocantins (Episode 3) Recap

2009-02-28T01:28:00.007-06:00

Last week on Survivor, Brendan and Sierra dug a “fire pit”, Taj and Brendan bonded at Exile, a bromance blossomed between JT and Stephen, Coach was a pompous ass, and Candace and her boobs were sent packing. (By the way, how in the world does Coach have that much power on this show? That’s just ridiculous.) Last week was the second elimination in a row with a completely oblivious victim. Those are always the best and I hope they keep coming. Let the backstabbing begin…

Our recap begins after the jump.

Like every week, we begin with the loser tribe, which happens to be Timbira, arriving back at camp after their last ouster. Erinn, having been super close with Candace, is trying to distance herself from her since, um, everyone voted for Candace to go. She claims that she wasn’t really that close with Candace, and that she was suspicious of her. Obviously, no one is buying it, and Coach even goes as far a to say that she is insulting their intelligence. Assuming that they possess any at all, that is. Apparently Coach is super offended by the idea that Erinn is trying to save her own ass. God...I can’t stand this guy.

It’s now day 7 at Timbira and Jerry sadly coughs. Erinn, who is already looking gaunt, talks about being worried about her association with Candace. She decides that she needs to outperform the other women in her tribe at the next challenge, so show that she should be kept around.

Meanwhile, Jerry decides to skip his second meal in a row because he thinks the beans are giving him stomach problems. Jerry, it’s just gas. I know it’s embarrassing at night to be farting around people you just met, but you need your protein. To be fair...those beans look seriously disgusting, so yeah, I’d be sick too. The rice looks alright though. But really, the fact that they are focusing on this does not bode well for Jerry’s future health. Visit from the medics coming up? Jerry is trying to pretend that he’s totally fine, but um, he’s not that great of an actor?

Now were over to last week’s big winners, Jalapao. They may have won the immunity challenge, but they’re sure not winners at catching fish with the new gear they won. JT thinks the net they have is a throw net, but um, that really doesn’t seem to be the case. I’m not a fishing expert in the slightest, but aren’t you supposed to like...drag the net? Come on people. I’ve been fishing like twice when I was about 10 and I can figure this out. JT claims he would be great at this, but the water’s different than at home. Suuuure.

Anyway, JT decides to stick with what he’s good at, and fishes using the pole. He catches a few decent sized fish (guess the water’s not all that different after all) and Stephen catches a cute little baby fish. Aww...he’s learning so well! Anyway, Jalapao gets to have a decent meal of fish, which should give them an advantage at the challenge. Joe agrees with me.

Now it’s reward challenge time! This one is one of those blindfold type ones. It’s something to do with filling something with corn. The reward is some chairs, blankets, pillows, a hammock, and a large umbrella. It may not be the most practical, but certainly a morale booster. The winners will send someone to Exile and that person picks a winner to join them, like last week.

Each team has a caller. Jalapao picks Joe and Timbira picks Deb. Deb definitely seems to be calling out instructions, but not specifying who they’re for. That doesn’t seem so helpful. She also has the strategy of yelling the same word over and over. Such as, “STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT!” or “RIGHT! RIGHT! RIGHT!” Either Debbie is terrible at directions (my guess) or Jerry and Brendan are deaf.

Jalapao is pretty much kicking Timbira’s ass. I think part of this is because Deb sucks at instructions, but whatever. Jalapao is done with collecting their water and can move on to corn, but Timbira is still working on the water. Uh...yeah...Timbira’s definitely going to lose. As Jeff says, “Timbira really blowing this challenge”. Before Timbira can even finish getting their water, Jalapao wins the challenge. Coach is VERY upset, go figure.

Jalapao picks Brendan to go to Exile (again), who in turn picks Taj (also again). Should be interesting to see how this works out, assuming both of them make it to the merge. After a good start, Timbira is not doing so well. They need to come together as a tribe or they’ll never win.

Coach talks about how upset he is and how they need to start doing better. “Winners find a way to win. Losers find a way to lose”. Damn...he’s like the best coach ever. How inspirational.

Back at Timbira‘s camp, morale is not so high. Coach says that he let out a tribal yell and says that he was really embarrassed by their loss. Coach tells the tribe they shouldn’t go off in groups and blame people. I disagree. If people suck at the challenge, you should notice. People who are bad should go at this point. Well, unless they’re people I like...

Coach then goes off and talks about Sierra during the challenge. Oh, and Erinn too. Is anyone shocked that Coach is a huge hypocrite? No one? Tyson puts it simply in an interview, “One word to describe Coach…I think that’s it: coach. You know? He’s not always the best at what he’s coaching, but he thinks he knows the most.” Lucky Tyson gets to be Coach’s assistant coach and he’s definitely letting it go to his head. Tyson thinks Coach has a “school boy crush” on him. How adorable. He decides that he will eventually get promoted to coach, and decides that “If we ever get put on separate tribes in this game, I will demand that the other tribe calls me coach too”. That would be borderline amazing, actually. Ya know, I would probably like Tyson a lot more if he wasn’t all BFF-like with Coach.

Back at Jalapao, egos are running high. They think that if they win the next challenge, Timbira will be shot. At Timbira, Coach is not letting the fact that they have no comfort get the better of him. He notes that the people from Jalapao are dirtier than them anyway, so they need the comfort more. That’s actually a good way to put it. Way to go, Coach! First good thing I’ve heard from you all season.

At Exile Island, Taj picks the urn with the clue this time and it says that the immunity idols are “surrounded by wood”. I’m going to take this opportunity to leave any sexual innuendos that I have running through my mind out of this...

Although...I’m not sure how much the clue is really going to help them, considering how bad Brandon was at clues last time. Taj and Brendan decide to bring two more people into their alliance, so that they won’t get screwed over if someone else gets sent to Exile, I think. They pick Sierra from Brendan’s tribe and Stephen from Taj’s tribe. They’re hoping to have all four of them make it to the merge. I hope so too...and that they bring JT into their little group. I LOVE it when the people I like form an alliance...it makes everything so much easier.

It’s now day 8 in Jalapao who brag about the fact that they were not cold at all and were glad that Timbira had to sleep through the storm with no blankets to be seen. Sandy is feeling so good that she says, “I know I’m a sex kitten this morning. There’s no doubt in my mind.” Well, maybe there should be Sandy, maybe there should be. Seems like they’re getting pretty cocky over there, I want to see them knocked down off their high horses.

It’s now time for the immunity challenge and the perfect opportunity for Jalapao to be knocked down a peg. Two from each tribe at a time will race and roll crates back to the line. Then they have to correctly stack the crates (so it spells out their name) and they can like...climb up it? I don't know...something like that.

Jalapao takes an early lead, but Timbira quickly overpasses them due to a good job by Tyson and Sierra. Stephen and Sydney kind of suck for Jalapao. Jerry’s obviously not doing well at all. Timbira definitely has the lead (although not a HUGE lead) in this challenge though, at least when it comes to bringing back the crates. Stacking them may be a whole different story.

Erinn is leading Timbira when it comes to stacking, so if she can do well, this could be good for her. Um, but apparently it won’t be, since Timbira is arguing a heck of a lot. Jalapao, on the other hand, seems to be kind of kicking ass. It’s coming down to the last piece, but Jalapao wins in the end. Dang! As Timbira loses, Jerry says “I’m through, I’m finished”. Does that mean he wants to go? That could completely save Erinn, who seems the obvious choice to be going otherwise. Jerry was pretty horrible in the challenge...

Back at camp, Jerry seems in pretty bad shape, but he says he’s not going to quit. Guess that’s not what he meant.

At Timbira, Jerry is not feeling well and people seem mildly concerned. Jerry does his best not to show his weakness. It seems like it’s not working and the tribe talk about how Jerry should go. Coach is not happy with this because I guess Erinn made some sort of evil face when she realized that Jerry was sick and that meant she was staying.

Coach first talks about this with Tyson, who will now be known as “Assistant Coach.” After talking to Assistant Coach, Coach talks about sending Erinn home with Sierra and Debbie. Coach, who’s ego is still larger than Brazil says, “I cannot exist around people like that. You guys can, because you can socialize with them. I am so true that existing around people who smile evilly when somebody else is on their knees, it kills me” Oh Coach, you are so true and superior, obviously. Sierra tells the camera that she’s not stupid, so she’s going to get rid of the weakest link (Jerry), despite how she personally feels about him. Assistant Coach obviously love Coach’s plan and tells Jerry that nobody is trying to vote him out, which is complete and utter bullshit.

Later, Brendan goes to the Tree Mail area to look for the immunity necklace. He finds it pretty easily under the grass skirt of some little treemail statue. Wow, I’m surprised he found it so quickly; he really doesn’t seem that smart. I wonder if he and Taj were looking in the same place.

Brendan hides the idol and I hope that he remembers where he hid it. It’s definitely a good idea to hide the Idol, though. People clearly go through everyone’s stuff to try to find it. But here’s what I want to know...if someone came upon his hidden Idol, could they just take it? They might not realize someone had already found it. But it’s also like...illegal to steal the Idol from someone. Tricky.

Erinn says that she wants to remind people that Jerry is sick without looking like a bitch and Jerry tells people that his health is improving, and my goodness! His smile is so big and bright. Wow, that sounded lame, but really, it’s almost blinding. Erinn doesn’t look too happy that Jerry’s feeling better (Is he even feeling better? Or is he faking it to try to stay?) Either way, how sweet of her. Tyson, who is also a sweetheart says, “Erinn wants to be here so, so bad that her getting blindsided would look really cool. I love seeing people cry when you crush their dreams.” And, honestly, it is pretty amusing and all that, but I so want Coach to not get his way.

Now on to tribal council where Jeff asks the tribe how they feel about momentum and how important it is to the tribe. Tyson says that all they need is one win. Jeff points out that no one would listen to Erinn’s plan, and she talks about how frustrating it is.

Jeff asks Brendan if the tribe communicates well. Brendan thinks they do, but Jerry vehemently disagrees. Jerry thinks they need a leader. Jeff asks who he’d suggest, and Jerry says Brendan. Oooh...the look on Coach’s face there. How pissed off do you think he is that Jerry didn’t suggest him as the leader. Jeff asks Coach what he thinks of the idea of Brendan as the leader, and Coach basically says that HE should be leader, naturally. I wouldn’t expect anything less of him. Apparently on the truck as they were collecting what items they wanted, Coach instructed everyone on what they should get using his eyes. Um...right...this guy’s crazy.

Jeff asks Erinn about her opinion of this, and Erinn says that she thinks Coach may be used to being the leader, but Brendan’s a better leader. Hahaha. That’s clearly true. Coach and Erinn get into a little fight/discussion. Jeff calls Coach out on having a big ego, and Coach tries to claim he doesn’t. Riiiiight. So um, voting time?

We see that Erinn votes for Jerry, Jerry votes for Erinn, and Coach brought his trench coat to Tribal again. You know how chilly it gets in the Brazil. Jeff tallies the votes, asks if anyone wants to play the Immunity Idol (you know Brendan won’t play it), and then reads the votes. And they are:

Jerry
Jerry
Erinn
Jerry
Jerry

And thus, Jerry is the third to leave, and Tyson didn’t get to see Erinn cry. Apparently everyone voted for Jerry. What happened to Coach and Tyson’s big upset?

Bottom Four:
Coach: It’s pretty self-explanatory, but if we had to give a reason, it’d be his GIANT ego.
Assistant Coach (aka Tyson): He says some really funny stuff, but we can’t get past the fact that he’s Coach’s lackey.
Sandy: We didn’t see too much of her, but “not seeing too much” is still too much.
Sydney: We don’t really have a reason. We just don’t like her.

Core Four (Plus One):
We really couldn’t narrow it down to just four people. So yes, we’re breaking our rules, but it’s our blog dammit! We do what we want!

Sierra: She’s still our little underdog and she’s looking better and better as far as position in camp goes. Barring seriously bad performance, she’s safe for at least one more week, and may be joining a secret alliance of four soon.
Taj: Anyone with that maniacal of a laugh must be in our Core Four. Plus, she’s sitting pretty if she makes it to the merge.
Stephen: A potential member of the secret alliance of four and he doesn’t seem to have a giant ego, which is enough to put him in our Core Four.
JT: He didn’t have much of a role in tonight’s episode, but we’re still smitten from last week. Keep it up Huckleberry Finn.
Brendan: At first he just looked like a tool, but he might just be smarter than we thought. He found an idol and may have entered into a very powerful alliance.

The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik - Women Tell All Recap

2009-02-24T01:54:00.006-06:00

Last week, Molly and Jason took a leap of faith, Jillian was just a friend (who you make a soft-core porn with in a hot tub), and Jason couldn’t let his hang-up with Melissa’s parents go. This week is The Women Tell All, which means two hours filled with uncomfortable situations and women scorned. We’ll also get to see some past Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants and how they’re doing now. They’re all married with children, right? I mean, that’s what this show is for. Well, let’s see hell’s fury be released…

See all the awkwardness (and our review/kind of recap) after the jump.

Most Unintentionally Humiliating Moment
Holly admitting to getting with Graham, Robert, and Jesse. And those are only the ones that she told us about. It seems like Rock of Love might have been her true calling, rather than the Bachelor.

Worst Use (Or Lack of Use) of a Bachelorette
Renee, for sure. Why in the world was crazy Renee there if they weren't going to talk to or mock her AT ALL? So disappointing.

Most Uncomfortable Moment
We loved (absolutely loved) Fred when he was on Deanna’s season of the Bachelorette, but hearing him and Noelle (Matt’s season) cooing about each other was sort of uncomfortable. Maybe it was just jealousy though?

Most Ridiculous Claim
“I didn’t want any confrontation. I don’t like it.” – Megan

Most Inaccurate Claim
“Jason, thanks for being here. Thanks for facing the women.” – Chris Harrison. Um, what exactly did he face that was so difficult? Stephanie and Jillian talking about how great he is? I'm pretty sure that's not worthy of thanks. Jason had it SO easy.

Most Misrepresented Moment
Megan and Erica may claim they weren’t starting drama...we all saw the footage and Megan’s frequent swear-ridden tirades. Those girls were trouble and we all know it.

Most Unfair Moment
When everyone, including Chris Harrison, attacked Natalie and then wouldn’t let her defend herself. I definitely heard someone in the background say, “In Natalie’s defense…”, but that person definitely didn’t get to talk. Natalie may be conceited, but at least let her defend herself without being asked leading questions.

Worst Outfit of the Night
Stephanie's peach silk pants. Wow.

Most Classy Moment
Stephanie, as always, took the high road and had nothing but nice things to say about anyone, including Jason. She went as far as to say that she was glad to see Jason. She may have bad fashion sense, but she just seems like a genuinely nice person.

Most True Comment of the Night
“Lauren is...such a bitch.” – Erika

Most Satisfying Moment
We thought that Jillian and Jason actually had a nice talk, and it was nice to see that Jillian had made peace with what had happened and had a civil conversation with Jason. No sour grapes there!

Girl Who Most Changed Our Minds
Jillian. Despite earlier feelings towards her, we actually think she might make a good bachelorette. (See? We can learn to like Canadians...)

Best Four Quotes by Our Illustrious Host, Chris Harrison
1) “‘Since we’re on national television, let’s put it in baseball terms. First base…?”
2) “Cine-a-max called. They said it was too hot.”
3) “Three hours of sex is A LOT.”
4) “The man who gets more air time than I do.” (Introducing Caesar, the limo driver)

Best Four Quotes by Previous Bachelors/Bachelorettes
1) “When you have a child, it brings a whole new world into your world.” – Trista Stutter
2) “I don’t really know what happened, but we went home together that night.” – Sarah
3) “Those are two of the nicest genuine people on the face of planet earth.” – Jesse
4) “He like got super creepy on me” – Holly (about Robert, shocking, right?)

Best Four Quotes by Current Bachelorettes
1) “Chris, you need to calm down.” – Natalie
2) “I hope he finds happiness...I hope I do too!” – Stephanie
3) “Clearly they all love me so much. I’m kidding.” – Natalie
4) “Well, it’s bad when you’re wanting the person to propose to you.” – Jillian (in response to Jason saying it wasn’t a bad thing that he saw her as just a “best friend”)

So...what did you all think? Was anyone else disappointed by the lack of drama? Are they just trying to make everyone look good because the After the Final Rose show is supposed to be so shocking (or horrible, depending on who you talk to)?

Survivor: Tocantins (Episode 2) Recap

2009-02-20T02:38:00.004-06:00

Last week on Survivor, Sandy and Sierra gave a bad first impression, Coach was self-important, Sandy didn’t know what a pace was, and Carolina hit the hills. Survivor has already thrown in a twist and there's been a total blindside...and that was the only first episode! Hopefully this season will continue to produce drama. Let the alliance-forming begin.

Check out the rest of our recap after the jump.

As per Survivor custom, we start with the loser tribe returning to camp after tribal council, and we’re shown them trying to start a fire in the dark. Sandy is naturally happy that she wasn’t sent home and thanks her tribe mates. She says that Carolina played her cards wrong, but she probably shouldn’t pat herself on the back yet since Spencer made it clear in an interview that Sandy’s next to go anyways.

Now it’s the next day at Jalapao camp and they’re eating what appears to be some sort of melon. Spencer talks about how as a teenager, he’s used to always having food. I’m not sure that’s just a teenager thing, but okay. Joe says that veggies are fine, but that the tribe needs meat. Joe decides that they should have termites. I think Joe is from Texas, so I’m assuming he would rather have a good steak. In the termite mounds, the group finds some nasty bugs that look like they belong in a food challenge. Some of them eat them, and I must say they are behaving like they’ve been stranded for months even though this is day 5. If you guys are that hungry now, how’s it going to be on day 39?

At Timbira, Sierra, realizing that she still is sitting in a bad position, decides that she should look for the hidden immunity idol. Instead of looking for it on her own, she enlists the help of Brendan, since he’s the only one who didn’t vote for her originally. The Idol probably won’t be that useful for him, since it can only be used at their first Tribal Council, but he’s still going to help her look for it. Why not, I guess. Can’t really hurt.

They set out to find the idol and quickly find the first clue. Unlike Sandy, the two of them know what a pace is and begin to dig. Meanwhile, back at camp, the group wonders where they are and send Debbie to check on them. Because they’re so secretive, they do not have a giant hole dug in the sand at the beach. Wait, I’m sorry, they are not covert at all and are digging a massive hole right in the middle of the beach. Smooth guys, real smooth. They tell Debbie that they’re digging a huge fire pit to make a bonfire and she actually seems to believe it. How dense can she be?

Candace, on the other hand, is not so enthused about the idea and says that she probably won’t go. Ummm… aren’t they stranded in the middle of nowhere? What else does she have to do? Besides Candace’s disapproval of the idea of a fire pit, no one seems to think it’s odd that they were randomly digging a random hole on the beach. Umm...have these people never seen Survivor before?

Sierra decides that it’s not worth it finding the idol even though she’ll probably be voted out first.

Next, we’re back at Timbira and Candace says that she could really go for some steamed sea bass cooked in foil with lime and oil, and Tyson deadpans that they could probably find all of that around the camp and Candace actually believes it. As a side note I would like to say that Candace needs to wear a bra. Her boobs are really grossing me out.

There’s already some friction in camp, and Coach and Candace are butting heads. Coach says that they have similar personalities in that they both look to find faults in other people. Proving that he’s an arrogant jerk, Coach says that, “I do it because I’m a coach and I do it because that’s my job and I think maybe she does it because that’s just her nature.” Ummm, Coach, it’s not your job out here, so I guess it is in your nature too, ass.

Apparently in REAL LIFE Candace would have been an even bigger ass and like attacked him and broke down his insecurities, but she’s holding back, since she’s on Survivor. Man, she’s ruthless in real life, but not in the game. Shouldn’t it be the opposite? Candace says of Coach, “That man has an ego bigger than Brazil. That will be the death of him.” Probably true, although if I were a betting woman, I would say that it will be Candace’s downfall as well. Coach kind of apologizes to Candace I guess, and then wants to either kiss her or lick her face. I can’t figure out which. Either way, that guy is so messed up.

Now at Jalapao, Taj tells the camp that she normally looks cuter. God, I hope so. She also lets it slip that she’s married to Eddie George, Heisman winner and former pro-football player. Spencer, Joe, and Hick all know who he is and look surprised that she told them that so non-chelantly. Stephen, the nerd from New York, obviously has no idea who Eddie George is. J.T. tells the camera that his perspective on Taj has changed because she obviously has more money than any of them. Spencer seems very impressed by it though.

It begins to rain as Jeff tells the tribes about their second immunity challenge. Since I never really pay attention as Jeff explains the rules, I can only say that it’s something about scoring goals. First team to three wins immunity, fishing gear, and the right to send a member of the other team to Exile Island. Apparently there’s a new Exile Island twist, but Jeff is being a tease and won’t tell us yet.

First round is Taj, Stephen, and Sydney for Jalapao vs. Sierra, Candace, and Tyson for Timbira. The game gets violent fast, which I love. Candace ends up scoring, giving Timbira the lead.

Next match up is JT, Joe, and Sandy for Jalapao vs. Erinn, Brendan, and Tyson (again) for Timbira. God, I love the violence of this. This match is really just about the boys, since Sandy refuses to let go of Erinn’s bikini, so the two of them are basically just sitting at the other end of the game. Tyson scores, giving Timbira a 2-0 lead.

Next round is all girls...Candace, Sierra, and Erinn for Timbira vs. Taj, Sydney, and Sandy for Jalapao. I’m pretty sure the girls just tried to drown Sierra. Awesome. Taj takes a couple of open shots and completely misses, Candace also tries, also misses, and eventually Sydney scores, putting Jalapao on the board.

Now we get a guys round with JT, Joe, and Spencer for Jalapao vs. Brendan, Coach, and Jerry for Timbira. Coach can barely walk through the water, and JT scores fairly early on. So now it’s tied 2-2.

Final match up is Stephen, Sydney, and Taj for Jalapao vs. Sierra, Candace, and Tyson for Timbira. This game is pretty intense, with no one getting off any good shots for a while. The match ups are Stephen vs. Tyson, Sierra vs. Sydney, and Candace vs. Taj, and they all seem pretty evenly paired. Also, these people all kind of suck at shooting. Stephen eventually scores, giving Jalapao the win. Boooo.

Jalapao, as the winners, decide to send Brendan to Exile Island. In a shocking twist, Brendan gets to chose one member of the winning tribe to go with him to Exile Island. He chooses to bring Taj with him, and they head off with a map and the hope of finding an idol.

We see a talking head of Tyson saying that Sierra’s probably going to be the one to go for their tribe. Ahhh...I hope not. That girl better start searching hardcore for the Idol.

An excited Jalapao gets back to camp and does a tribe cheer. Sandy is glad they won because if they lost there was probably a “50% chance” she was going home. Ummm. I would have put the odds a bit higher than that, dear. Who else would even be considered?

The J.T. and Stephen quickly get to work with the fishing gear they won and J.T. stands out as knowing what he’s doing. Stephen is particularly impressed and as he puts it, “He might just be seducing me with his pretty county ways, but I’m smitten.” We see some adorable Norman Rockwell painting worthy shorts of JT teaching Stephen to fish, and Stephen declares that he is going to become the greatest spear fisherman ever and J.T. remarks that they “ain’t got nothin’ but time and hunger pains.” They come back from fishing empty handed but for the heartwarming new friendship they formed.

We now head to an extremely barren-looking Exile where Brendan declares that he thinks that this will be a good opportunity to get information from Taj. Once at Exile they find two urns from which to choose. Taj chooses the empty one and Brendan’s urn contains the first immunity idol clue (something about Tribal Homeland —so back at camp?) and a note that tells him he can switch to the other tribe if he wants. . Would Taj then have to go to his tribe? Brendan says there’s no way he’s going to change tribes, so I guess we won’t find out just yet. He decides to share his clue with Taj, so she still tags along with him as he fruitlessly searches for the idol. Taj correctly tells him that the clue means it’s back at camp. Taj and Brendan bond, and decide they both want to get sent back to Exile for more clues. Dang...Brendan’s forming alliances left and right.

Back at Timbira camp, some of them start talking about Coach, since he sucked at the challenge hardcore. Candace tries to throw Coach under the bus and get him sent home. She describes him as being all words and no action and as being, “one of the church women at my church who go every Sunday and wear these hats, but that ain’t on the up and up.” I think the idea is that he acts like he’s a certain way, but it’s actually bullshit. Or she might just think he should cover up his hair with a hat, which I completely agree with.

Later, Debbie tells Coach that Candace was trash-talking him and Coach, hearing this, decides that Candace should be the next to go. So much for his keeping strong players around plan. Yeah...there’s a reason no one ever does that. You get rid of strong players when they’re a threat. Saying you want to win against the best is cute and all that, but umm...you need to actually get to the end for it to matter.

Brendan now heads back to camp and is greeted by hugs. He tells the group that she got the urn with the clue in it, and that she went off looking for it without him. That was actually a good move on his part. The best lies have a grain of truth to them. They seem to believe him, although you’d think they’d still be suspicious either way.

Later at Timbira, Erinn and Candace talk about wanting to get rid of Coach, although they’re not sure this is the best time. They decide to wait to make a move on Coach. Boy, things are definitely looking good for Sierra. I never thought I would say that after the idol search snafu.

The whole tribe (minus Sierra) talk about “sticking with the original plan”, meaning getting rid of Sierra, although at least Coach has no intention of going with this. Tyson and Jerry talk about what they’re going to do. I think they might still stick with Sierra, but I’m not totally sure. Coach tells Sierra that he’s voting for Candace, but Sierra doesn’t feel very safe. That makes sense. Why would anyone trust Coach?

Erinn and Candace talk, and Candace assures Erinn that if anyone strays, neither of them will be the target. I definitely hope that Candace goes, because I like Sierra. Candace will be way more fun to see voted out, since she thinks there’s no way to going. Who doesn’t love a nice blindside?

Now they head to Tribal Council, where Jeff starts asking questions about how the tribe feels about Sierra and why they voted for her originally. He then turns the questions to how well Candace is getting along with the tribe. So um...who do we think are the possible targets this week? Jeff has to ask way more questions than they actually show, because otherwise it’d be pretty obvious who was getting votes, or at least being considered for votes.

Jeff then asks about Brendan and his experience at Exile, and Coach talks about how Brendan says he didn’t get the clue. Coach believes him, because apparently Coach completely trusts Brendan. Jerry talks about trusting and liking people on his tribe too.

Erinn, on the other hand, is reasonable. She points out that you can’t trust people after three days just because you trekked four hours through the jungle together. Very good point.

And then it’s time to vote. The tribe votes and when Coach comes back from voting, coat in hand, Jeff goes to “tally the votes.”

Jeff asks if anyone has the hidden Immunity Idol, and, of course, Sierra doesn’t. The votes are:

Candace
Sierra
Candace
Candace
Candace
Candace

With (at least) five votes, Candace is gone. So...did anyone else NOT vote for Candace? Because weren’t her and Erinn all BFF-like? Interesting.

Core Four

Sierra: She seems like the weakest person there, yet she survived again. She’s definitely becoming our favorite underdog.

Stephen: He may be a geeky New Yorker, but his newfound friendship with J.T. is pretty cute.

J.T.: He’s good at surviving and he is still wooing us (and Stephen) with his Southern charm.

Brendan: Even though he was a little slow about the clue, he did a good job lying about Exile Island.

Survivor: Tocantins (Episode 1) Recap (Kind of)

2009-02-18T22:44:00.008-06:00

Tomorrow (or actually, probably early Friday morning) we're going to start our recaps of Survivor episodes. For the time being, we thought we'd just give a little rundown of the first episode.

Find out what we thought of the castaways after the jump.

Best Moments:
1) When Sandy couldn't find the idol, even though the clues couldn't have been any more clear. Who doesn't know what a pace is? Seriously?
2) When Erinn said that her first impression of Tyson was that he looks like a good guy to have around, and hesaid his impression of Erinn was that she looked like a bitch. Ouch.
3) When the black tribe (Timbira) came back from behind to win the Immunity Idol. They're our favorite, and it's super annoying when our favorite tribe doesn't do well. So...yay!
4) When Carolina told Sandy how sad she was that Sandy was going to be going home. We always love it when they're completely oblivious.

Bottom Four:
1) Coach – He says his plan is to shake up the game so that it’s no longer the weak people who win. Great idea. I can’t wait for a final five filled with a bunch of dumb meatheads. Did he miss the outwit part of the Survivor tagline? Also, did you see his hair?
2) Sandy – This lady is all sorts of crazy. The fact that she had an outburst when her tribe voted for her doesn’t bode well for her future in the game. She should have been trying to butter them up, not alienate herself further.
3) Carolina – The idea of cleaning up the outdoors is ridiculous, and so was her voice. Good riddance.
4) Erinn – We didn't see much of her, but what we did see didn't really impress. Plus, she's already in the bottom four just for spelling her name with two Ns.

Core Four:
1) Sierra – Knowing that she made a bad first impression on her tribe, she build them a whole camp instead of selfishly searching for the idol. Then she did well in the challenge, completely changing her tribe’s opinion of her (except Coach’s, but he’s a moron).
2) Tyson – We all know that Survivor loves an exhibitionist, and Tyson looks a lot better naked than Richard Hatch. Plus, he kind of kicked ass at the challenge.
3) JT – We fully recognize that he might end up annoying the crap out of us, but we love us a good country boy. Also, he said that getting along with his tribemates is going to be the hardest part of the game for him, so at least he’s self aware.
4) Brendan – We barely saw any of him, but the fact that he didn’t buy into Coach’s bullshit automatically makes us like him.

The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik (Episode 7) Recap

2009-02-17T02:16:00.005-06:00

Last week, Jillian saw Ogopogo, Jason drew a creepy clown Molly, Melissa’s family ditched her, Naomi’s mom threw a bird funeral, and Naomi left without handling ANY bitches with smacks. I mean, I’m glad she left, but I’m still not over the fact that absolutely no bitches were smacked. This week they’re all headed to New Zealand to walk the trail through Mordor to Mount Doom. Let the overnight dates begin…

The Fantasy Suites (and my review/recap) begins after the jump.

To start this episode, Jason says he doesn’t know which girl is “the one”. But wait, doesn’t he get engaged in like...a week? I don’t buy it. But then again, I never believe them when they say they don’t know up until the very end.

Anyway, Jason is super excited to take the girls to New Zealand. He says that he wants to figure out which girl is the one. He’s falling for each of them, but in different ways. According to Jason, Jillian is fun and funny, but he’s worried that she’s too independent. He’s now seen her soft side, but he feels that their connection might not be romantic enough. Again, Jason says that Molly has beautiful eyes. I can’t believe that he can even see them through all that eyeliner. He’s very happy that Molly’s family liked him and thinks that their approval can take their relationship to the next level. Melissa reminds Jason of Deanna and his ex wife. I guess that means she’s his type…but we saw how well those relationships worked out. He was worried she wasn’t ready for a family but she’s proven that she is. He is also worried that he didn’t get to meet her parents. Ugh...seriously...that just bugs me. IT’S NOT HER FAULT.

The girls and Jason are now in Queenstown, New Zealand and Jason says he knows his wife is in this group of girls. Jason’s first date is with Jillian and he’s picking her up in a helicopter. Oh, how cute, they’re wearing matching flannel shirts. How Canadian. (Ou, “Quel canadien,” pour tout notre lecteurs Canadien, qui parlent seulement le français, naturellement). They fly over a snow-capped mountain range and Jillian described it as walking on clouds. No pun intended. After the copter ride, they sit down on a cliff and compliment each other. Jillian still sounds like she’s going to cry every time she talks. Maybe she has an issue with her nerves or something? Jason says he thinks Jillian is someone who he could be friends with forever. Oooh...that doesn’t sound good for Jillian. He says he’s looking for that passionate connection with her. Jason compares their relationship to being on the edge of a cliff. Like...you could easily fall to your death? Awesome.

The next part of Jason and Jillian’s date is dinner by fireside. They talk about how much fun their date was and how great their conversations are. They sure love to compliment themselves, don’t they? Jason asks her how she feels about him and she piles on compliment after compliment while Jason silently waits until she’s said enough nice things about him. Then they kiss. Jillian, quite the forward one, asks Jason if he has something to give her. Whoa...calm down there. When they get to the fantasy suite Jillian throws a couple more compliments Jason’s way and they go at it a hot tub. Like, seriously, they really go at it. Man, The Bachelor is getting pretty risqué.

The next date is with Molly, and Molly says she wants to take their relationship to the next level because so far they’ve mostly been playful with each other. Jason takes Molly to what he describes as the most beautiful view in New Zealand and then tells her to jump off it. Jason screamed and before they were even done swinging Molly wants to do it again. They make out while hanging upside down and Molly compares bungee jumping to falling in love. Why are all our love comparisons in this episode so...dangerous?

After the bungee jumping, Molly pulls out a list of questions to ask Jason. She says that she wants to know the little things about Jason if she’s going to become engaged to him. She doesn’t want to be engaged to a guy whose favorite ice cream flavor she doesn’t know. That’s a fair point, but I think one flavor is a lot to ask, there are so many good ones. Through Molly’s questioning we find out that Jason likes Greece, Elvis, peanut butter chocolate ice cream, and old Air Jordans. Molly has one question left on her list (the most important question), but she’s saving it for later that night.

As they head into the night part of their date Molly and Jason both muse to the camera about how Molly needs to open up and tell Jason how she’s feeling. At dinner Molly says that New Zealand is her favorite place ever, I assume because she hasn’t travelled much. I’m not saying New Zealand wouldn’t be amazing, but if you’ve only been there a day, how do you really know? Unless the only places you’ve been are like Topeka and Spokane.

Jason tells Molly that he noticed that Molly’s parents weren’t very affectionate and Molly says that her family isn’t very mushy gushy and that it’s hard for her to open up. She then tells him that she’s falling in love with him, and Jason seems very, very happy. Molly and Jason both tell the camera (separately) that this was a turning point in their relationship, in a good way. Molly then busts out the last question which was asking him to spend the night with her. She’s the second girl in a row that didn’t wait for Jason to ask her. What skanks. Jason and Molly go to the Fantasy Suite and drink wine in a bathtub. Molly says she’s looking forward to “sleeping next to Jason tonight”. Riiiiight. Sleeping next to. Yup.

Jason’s third, and final, date is with my girl Melissa. Jason is still fretting about not meeting her parents. To start their date, Jason and Melissa go out on a lake in Winston Churchill’s old boat. Melissa tells Jason that she’s scared about the future, but she thinks that Jason is worth it. The whole time Melissa and Jason are intertwined and touching each other because they have the best connection, and we all know it. After the boat ride, they go into a hot pool and talk about Melissa’s parents. Jason tells the camera that he’s falling in love with Melissa and that her parents can’t affect how he feels for her. This is the only girl that he’s said specifically that he is falling in love with them, but he ruins it by saying “I can fall in love with Melissa without meeting her parents, but it can only go so far”. So does that mean he wouldn’t propose to her?

The next part of Melissa and Jason’s date was in a private room of a restaurant and they talk more about her family. She says she talks to her brother almost every day and sees her parents a couple times a week. She asks him if not meeting her family was a huge deal and Jason is pretty evasive about his answer. Jason presents Melissa with the fantasy suite card and she happily accepts.

Melissa tells the camera that she wants to tell Jason that she loves him, but her insecurities are getting the best of her. She talks to Jason about how this experience brings out the insecurities in her, and she’s worried about what she could possibly lose. She says she’s never felt the way that she feels before. And tells Jason that she’s fallen in love with him and Jason looks thrilled and kisses her. He tells the camera that he was so happy when he heard that and that any doubts that he’s had about her are gone. I’m guessing she’s staying then.

Okay, it’s Rose Ceremony night and we still have like 35 minutes left in the episode. That’s a lot of time for them only having three girls left. We see Jason getting ready (shirtless, of course), while reflecting on what a great week it’s been and how he could see himself with each of the girls. Chris Harrison shows up to talk to Jason.

Jason mulls over his dates with Chris Harrison and basically rehashes everything that he’s been saying throughout this episode. Chris Harrison asks Jason if he knows yet who he’s sending home, and Jason says he doesn’t. As a fun bonus, each girl made Jason a personal video saying how they feel or whatever, to help Jason make up his mind.

Jillian talks about how she’s “in awe” of Jason. She hasn’t connected with anyone like she has with Jason, and she thinks they’ll have an incredible life together.

Molly talks about how she’s ready to take the next step with him. Oh, and she says she’s “madly” in love with Jason. Really? On a video?

Melissa says that spending time with Jason has been some of the best of her life because of Jason. She says it was hard for her to tell him that she was falling in love with him, but seeing him reassured her concerning that. She ends it with, “I miss you and I love you”. Awww.

Jason tells the camera he’s falling for each of the girls in different ways and he doesn’t know how he’s going to pick. He think they each could be great in his life and in Ty’s life. He says getting rid of one of them will be incredible tough. Eh...seeing Jillian go won’t be tough for me at all (fingers crossed).

Now it’s Rose Ceremony time, and Melissa looks happy, and the other two girls look nervous. Chris Harrison tells the girls that the two who get roses will stay in New Zealand and meet Jason’s family (including Ty). And, obviously, one of them will be going home.

Jason comes out and says that he’s falling for all of them (again), but that one of them has to go home. “I have to do the most selfish thing that I’ve ever done...and that’s break one of your hearts tonight. And that really hurts me”. Yeah...bet it will hurt her even more!

Now it’s rose time! And the first rose goes to:

Melissa (The One): I knew it! You can just tell that she is the one he is falling in love with.

And the second (and final) rose goes to...wait. Did Chris Harrison not come out to tell us that this is the final rose? What’s up with that? Anyway, it goes to:

Molly (Bungee Girl) Wow!! I am very surprised, but that definitely works for me.

That means Jillian is going home! I really did not see this one coming. Jason walks Jillian out and starts out by apologizing. He says that he’s never met anyone like her before, “like ever”. Jason thinks that their lives are too different though. Jillian disagrees with him. Jason doesn’t really know what to say because, um, it’s a really awkward moment. Jason brings up the whole wanting a best friend AND MORE thing, and Jillian’s all, “I think you and I had that”. Well, I guess he didn’t. Jillian tells Jason that she had fallen in love with him and she tells him that she had a dream about Ty wearing her high-heeled shoes and then taking a nap with her and Jason. Maybe she should have told him all of this before he sent her home. Just a thought. At least Jillian says that what she’s looking for most of all is someone who likes her for her, which is good. Aw, she’s crying and I feel bad for the girl, especially because I mean, what does she have to go back to? Canada?

In the limo Jillian says that she thinks she was better for him than either Molly or Melissa. And then we see Jason sitting on a bench crying. Poor dear. Jillian says that her life hasn’t been easy, and she doesn’t really expect anything. Ew...are they going to make her the next Bachelorette? Could they even find 25 guys who would be willing to go to Canada?

Okay, they toast and the show ends, but we still have at least five minutes left, so this must be the longest next episode preview in the history of the world.

As we all know, next week is The Women Tell All, so get ready for some bitchiness. After that, we get “the most dramatic season finale in Bachelor history”. And oh, Deanna finally comes back. It all looks very intense.

Real World: Brooklyn (Episode 6) Recap

2009-02-13T00:19:00.001-06:00

Okay, I’m getting pretty bored with this season so far. So uh, they better step it up. Get drunk. Get mad. Throw things. Have sex with each other. That kind of thing. I know people seem to be all excited that this cast doesn’t just do those things, but I mean, what’s the point of the Real World? I see a bunch of normal people living normal lives on a regular basis. I watch the show for the crazies.

Spoilers after the jump.

Previously on the Real World: JD was a drunk asshole, the boys and girls hate each other, and Katelynn still hasn’t told everyone that she’s transgender.

We start out with Katelynn walking around in underwear and a tank top, because she feels comfortable with it. Other roommates do not, specifically Scott and Ryan. Devyn, who still doesn’t know for sure that Katelynn is transgender, discusses the rumors with the cameras. She apparently assumes she’ll be able to see something that shows her Katelynn’s transgender. I guess she doesn’t understand the concept of being a post-op transgender?

Sarah asks Katelynn why she’s not wearing clothes, because um, it’s not appropriate. Katelynn says she doesn’t give a crap, basically.

Now Katelynn, JD, and Sarah head to some Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, & Transgender Community Center. Wait...if this is a LGBT outing, where are Scott and Blayne? It’s not nice to leave them out. Anyway, the three of them are interested in volunteering there. Katelynn would like to work with the trans community, JD would like to work with marriage equality programs, and Sarah would like to do some sort of art class.

Ector, from the center, wonders if they’d like to be involved in some 3 day bike ride from Gettysburg to Brooklyn that is raising funds for HIV/AIDS awareness. Katelynn has lost three close friends to AIDS, so this is an important issue to her.

They tell the other roommates about it when they get home, and apparently Ryan is from Gettysburg. He’s super excited/shocked by the fact that Gettysburg is mentioned outside of Pennsylvania, and obviously wouldn’t mind visiting home, so he’s going to come to the event to. JD invites Blayne to come as well, and he agrees because he can’t pass up an opportunity to admire men in bike shorts.

Now Ryan is on the phone with Michelle ma Belle, telling her that he’s going to be coming to Gettysburg with his “seven crazy roommates”. Oh, and we see a talking head shot of Ryan with shorter hair. Yeah...not a good decision. It looked much better longer. Michelle ma Belle sounds more excited about how excited Ryan must be than Ryan actually is excited (if that makes any sense).

Okay, now something gets delivered to the house for Katelynn, and oh, it’s a stripper pole. Awesome. She says she’s still getting acclimated to the power of femininity, which I guess involves stripping. She somehow thinks pole dancing is going to make her feel like a powerful female. I mean, I’ve heard people claim that strippers hold the power, but I don’t buy it. They’re being objectified by lots of old drunk horny men. But Katelynn seems to enjoy spinning around on the pole. She’s not too bad at it, I guess, although I’m not super knowledgeable about pole dancing talent. Katelynn says that it might be easier if she came out to everyone in the house, but she’s not sure she’s ready to.

Katelynn’s walking around without pants again, and Ryan’s all, “Dammit, Katelynn, put some pants on!” I second that request. Ryan is apparently disgusted to look at her knowing that she used to be a man. Ooookay. I don’t really care to see her walking around without pants, but it has nothing to do with her being transgender. Katelynn tells the camera (in a confessional, I think) that she wants to be able to show off and enjoy her body because she’s only had it for three months. Ryan and Blayne, being assholes, eavesdrop on her conversation. Shouldn’t the confessional be soundproof?

Ryan (and Blayne) proudly announce to JD, Baya, and Scott (maybe) what they heard, saying “Oh my god! She cut off her wiener”. Nice. JD doesn’t care about keeping secrets, apparently, since he tells them she went to Thailand for the surgery. Oh, but he says not to tell her that he told them, so it’s all okay.

It’s the day that they’re going to Gettysburg, and Ryan decides to wake them all up to get ready at 7AM by banging on pots. Katelynn is annoyed because she hasn’t had her coffee or estrogen yet, so she goes into Ryan’s room, steals his alarm clock, and throws it out the window, with Devyn encouraging her.

Blayne loves men, so he suggests having a boy’s car and a girl’s car. The other roommates agree, because girls have cooties and stuff. They get into their separate cars, and the gossiping about each other commences.

The boys refuse to give the girls directions, and for some reason have Scott leading the way. That’s a bad idea, since Scott is an idiot. The girls agree with this, and decide to go off on their own. When the guys notice the girls are gone, Scott suggests they might have “gone to get a vagina hair trim”. Oh Scott, you’re so witty.

Ryan’s brother is waiting for them in Gettysburg, and the guys get there first. They chase some tour bus down in their car, and are super excited that the girls didn’t make the tour. What the hell kind of Real World is this? When is the hooking up going to start?

The girls get there late, but they manage to find the bus tour partway through. The guys are super upset, because, like I mentioned, girls have cooties. The boys bitch about the girls coming, so the girls go off and shop and explore. They find one of those old time photo places and take fun photos. The guys pose on rocks and stuff. When they meet up, JD admires the pictures, and Blayne claims there’s not tension between the two groups.

Now they roommates are going out to dinner with Ryan’s family, and his dad has an amazing moustache. Blayne thinks his family is good people, and Katelynn agrees, but she’s bored. They head to the other half of the restaurant, which is a bar. Oh, and there’s a pole, so um, Katelynn goes to town on it. Bet someone’s not bored anymore. Everyone else realizes how messed up it is to randomly pole dance in public, but Katelynn doesn’t care. Oh, and she also grinds with an old man. This girl is seriously screwed up.

The next morning, the guys get up and ready and leave without the girls. Nice. Is this the theme of the episode? Because I’m getting sick of it. In the car, the guys talk about how inappropriate Katelynn was. The guys get there first and the girls are late.

The ceremony is really moving to most normal human beings, since it’s honoring people who have died of AIDS, but Blayne doesn’t see it that way. Instead, he thinks it’s a good time to act like a three year old. Katelynn and Sarah tell him to stop, which upsets Blayne somehow. Because he’s obviously totally in the right to act like a child at a super serious time.

They get back into their boy and girl cars, and talk shit about the other group. Yeah, I’m going to side with the girls on this one. In some situations what the guys were doing would be fine, but that isn’t something you mock.

In the girls car, Katelynn decides to come out to Devyn as transgender, but Devyn tells her that she already knows. Devyn is totally fine with it. They then discuss whether the guys know/care. She thinks Ryan will have the biggest problem with it (obviously), but says she does want to come out to him.

Then we see a shot of the guys mocking the fact that Katelynn is transgender. They claim that’s their way of dealing with the situation. Apparently they’re upset that Katelynn hasn’t told them yet, but ummm, wonder why? Clearly you guys are super sensitive about it. Of course she can talk to you.

They’re back at the house, and the boys are crabby. They get into a big fight over what happened that morning at the event. Blayne is super upset that they judge his behavior. Um...then stop acting like an immature ass? He rambles on about how they’re at fault. Sarah then cries in the confessional, because she doesn’t think she’s like that at all. We’re finally getting somewhere. I hope one of the roommates throws something at another one soon!

Sarah then goes up to JD, apologizing and wanting to know if Blayne’s right about her being judgmental. I’m going to go with, yeah, kind of. Instead, it turns into a conversation between JD and Devyne about the lives and psyches of little girls and which one of them is smarter. And by conversation I mean shouting match. JD calls Devyn a college dropout, which is true, but she’s considers herself college educated because she attended some college. Riiiight. That’s like being a janitor at NASA and telling people you “work for NASA”. It might be technically kind of true, but it’s sure as hell deceptive.

Oooh, and then Devyn pull s out this gem for JD, “Just because you felt like a little girl as a child, there’s a difference between little boys and little girls”. Ummm...good assumption about gay guys, sweetheart.

Sarah agrees that JD shouldn’t have called Devyn a college dropout, which yeah, he probably shouldn’t have, but now was reallyyyyy not the best time to get involved. Ya know...since the original conversation was about her being judgmental, especially in situations that don’t involve her. Sarah and Devyn then bond in the confessional.

Now Blayne is back to talking about Katelynn being transgender and how she should just tell the house. Ryan decides that he needs to be more aggressive with the situation.

He brings a chair into the room where Katelynn is on the computer, and says “You’re like a big mystery and I’d love to learn more about you”. Haha, it’s actually a nice enough thing to say, but it totally sounds like he’s hitting on her. He then just straight up asks her if she was born a guy. She confirms that she was, but says that she didn’t want people to know right away because she didn’t want people to define her by that. They then talk about the actual procedure, and Ryan seems completely freaked out by what the surgery entails. Apparently Katelynn spent $30,000 on the procedure. Ryan has lots of questions about it. We find that “orgasms are just as great now as they were back then”. Good for her. Ryan compares her to Pinocchio, which actually isn’t a bad comparison, exactly. Ryan tells Katelynn that they guys all know, so yeah, can we be done with the whole Katelynn telling people she’s transgender thing?

Katelynn’s glad that she and Ryan had their talk, but she’s kind of disappointed that people could tell so easily that she’s transgender. Yeah, that’s got to suck.

Ryan then tells Scott that Katelynn knows that they all know. Scott keeps going on about how she should have told them, and apparently Ryan’s talk with Katelynn helped, because he defends her reasons for not telling them. Scott is still hurt that she didn’t tell him, because this situation’s obviously all about him.

Sarah apparently told Katelynn that JD outted her to all the guys, and Katelynn’s pretty upset about it. To be fair, the guys already basically knew. Katelynn’s mad at JD, which I definitely get.

Later, JD comes up to Katelynn and says he had nothing to do with Ryan going to her about stuff. Katelynn calls bullshit on that one, and that’s the end of that.

Now we see heartwarming shots of Katelynn bonding with Ryan and Scott, as the boys talk about how much better the situation is and how they’ll like BFF now. But...would they let Katelynn ride in the boys car? I mean...she did used to be a guy...

The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik (Episode 6) Recap

2009-02-10T01:43:00.005-06:00

Last week, everyone went to Seattle, Ty threw a tantrum, Stephanie wore a hideous vest, Jason forgot to spoiler alert the city of Seattle before the radio interview, Naomi annoyed me, and Stephanie exited with class. This week we have the hometown dates, and seemingly no Deanna, yet again. ABC is such a tease! I’m really thinking this might finally be the week Naomi goes home, so I’m pretty pumped. Let the awkward questioning by the girls’ parents commence….

The family fun (and my review/recap) begins after the jump.

This week, Jason, who is looking even tanner than usual, talked a lot about the economy, congress, and a “stimulus package” that he has come up with. He even gave his opinion on A-Rod’s steroid confession. I’ve never seen him talk this much, and I’m actually surprised he is giving his opinion about politics. Oh, wait, I think that was actually a press conference with President Obama.

To start the real episode, we see Jason packing for the hometown dates. He’s bringing 21 shirts. Damn! That’s a lot for four dates. What a diva. Jason then talks about his feelings about each girl. It’s not all that interesting, so I’ll just recap. Jillian’s fun and passionate, but doesn’t show her emotions and isn’t really opening up (AKA Tessa syndrome). Molly has beautiful eyes and goes after what she wants and thinks they could possibly have a perfect life together, but he’s worried that he’s not getting deep enough with her. Naomi is very adventurous and a free spirit, but he’s not sure if she’s ready for his life. Melissa is very pretty and fun, but he at first he wasn’t sure if she was serious about this. He also thinks that she’s too perfect. Imagine if she still had those FFs. Jason really thinks that one of the girls is his future life, but he doesn’t know which. Melissa? Please let it be Melissa.

Jason’s first hometown date is with Jillian in Kelowna in British Columbia (NOT Alberta, thanks you all for correcting that one...oops!) in Canada (bleh). It’s where Jillian spent her summers, Christmases, and Easters. He wants to find out if she’s as into him as he is to her. Jillian’s super excited to have Jason meet her family, and her feelings for him are getting deeper.

Jillian tells Jason a story about Canada’s own Loch Ness Monster, Ogopogo. O Canada, can they have nothing original? Apparently Jillian has had an encounter with this creature. Wait...do you really want to marry someone who believes in imaginary creatures?

Next they go to some winery inside a volcano, which is actually pretty cool. Jillian thinks that Jason is attracted to her strength and control, and wants to explain why to him. Jason and Jillian sit down in front of a fire, and have a very serious conversation about Jillian’s mother’s depression. She tells him that her mother has tried to take her own life, and everything that she’s been through. Only in the last couple of years has her mother been better. The whole story really showed Jason why Jillian is as emotionally stoic as she is. He says that her opening up like this has brought them even closer together.
Aw...I don’t even like her, but the whole moment was really touching. The fact that she appreciates how impressive her family is makes me like her a tiny bit more. I mean, not enough that I actually like her, but still.

Next, Jillian, the “Jumping Jellybean”, bring Jason to her parent’s house. Jason immediately gets draped in a Canadian flag, thereby confirming every terrible thing I have ever thought about Canada. Jason meets her mom, dad, cousin, and cousin’s husband. Jillian’s family seems really nice, actually. Oh, and you can definitely see Jillian’s bra through her shirt.

Jason seems to get along with her family pretty. At then at dinner, Jillian’s mother treats us to a poem she wrote for Jillian, and I see where Jillian learned to say the word “again” incorrectly.

After dinner, Jillian’s mom takes Jason away, and asks him questions from a list longer than Santa’s. He does a very good job answering her questions and handles the situation with aplomb. Jillian’s mom does pull a Shannon stalker move, and knows what he got his degree in. Google sure makes people creepy. She seemed to approve of Jason’s answers to all her questions though. Jason asks Jillian’s mom for advice about making a marriage last, especially through hard times, which I thought was a cute move on his part.

When Jillian and her mom talk about Jason her mother has only good things to say about him. Jillian says that she could definitely see herself marrying him. Jason also talks to Jillian’s dad, who also talks about how amazing Jillian is.

Jillian’s grandma now shows up, and Jillian is ridiculously excited. Jillian’s grandma thinks Jason is pretty attractive. Keep your hands off, lady! She brought him a pair of maple leaf boxers.

Jason thinks that Jillian’s family is hilarious, and I think Jason maybe doesn’t have the best sense of humor. Or maybe it just doesn’t translate well to TV. Just kidding, they just aren’t funny. Jason says he felt very comfortable with her family, and that he definitely thinks Jillian could be the one. So um, I’m guessing she’s staying this week...

Jason heads to Molly’s hometown next, which is Grand Rapids, Michigan. Good state, I like Michigan. Molly has already beaten Jillian for better hometown date just by not being from Canada. (If you are Canadian and reading this, just know it’s not personal, but honestly, you should maybe move somewhere better. Comments also apply to Wisconsinites.)

Molly is waiting for Jason at the country club in a golf cart, wearing a little golfing outfit. I kind of want to start golfing so I can wear more argyle sweaters. Or maybe not. The only time I ever went golfing (besides mini golfing...I’m a mini golf pro), my sister “accidentally” hit me in the head with a golf club. Yeah.

Molly tells Jason that she’s only brought one guy home before and they hated him. No pressure though. Molly and Jason hit a few balls around, and Molly finds the fact that he can golf sexy. Molly thinks that her parents will just want to get to know Jason. She says she’s proud to be bringing Jason home.

Molly’s parents greet Jason warmly, and they start off by talking about golfing. I guess they’re idea is to start with the only thing they have in common. It works though, I’m pretty sure. Then Molly’s mom brings out the hats. These are serious hats too...Native American headdresses, hats shaped like beer glasses and cow’s heads...that type of thing. “Oh Maryann!” as Molly puts it.

Jason then goes off with Molly’s mom, who wants him to draw a picture of his “favorite memory of Molly’s face”. Jason tries to draw Molly’s big smile and her green eyes. We’ll see the result later.

Molly then talks to her dad, who tells her to not cry in the limo if she gets eliminated. It’s actually a decent idea

Back to Jason painting and drawing with Molly’s mom, and well, he’s not so talented. Molly’s mom says the fact that Jason embraced the hat box and drew the picture meant that he will get along well with the family. So yeah, she approves.

Jason shows Molly his creepy-clown artwork, and she says that it’s refrigerator worthy. Jason had a great time with Molly’s family and thinks the day went really well. He says he can’t get enough of Molly. Yeah...she’s staying too. It totally has to be Naomi who goes.

Next up is Naomi’s hometown date, which is in Lake Elsinore, California. Naomi hopes she can show Jason that she’s ready to have a family. Jason wants to find out the same thing.

Naomi and Jason talk about his concerns about her and she tells him that she is definitely ready. I can totally understand why he would think that because she just seems really juvenile right now. Despite her attempts to reassure him, Jason still doesn’t really believe Naomi’s ready for all this, but thinks that seeing her with her family will help him see.

Naomi’s both excited and scared about Jason meeting her family. She says her family is “interesting” and “as crazy as it gets”. Jason’s going to meet her mom, dad, sister, brother, half-sister, niece and nephew. Her parents divorced when Naomi was 11, so this could be interesting.

There are tons of people running amuck. They have a hula hoop contest and Jason sucks, as expected. He’s even worse at hula hooping than he was at drawing! Naomi incorrectly tells Jason that it’s all in the hips. It’s actually all in the legs and stomach, trust me.

Naomi’s mom gathers the family to tell a story about how a dove “killed itself” on her windshield. She decided to keep it in a bag in the refrigerator. Oh, and they named it Rosie. Naomi seems rightfully horrified and embarrassed by it all. Naomi’s mom wants Jason to help them bury it and give the dove’s eulogy. Awesome family date.

The funeral is both disturbing and hysterical at the same time. Jason describes it as “interesting to be a part of”. There are so many things wrong with what is happening, and I can’t help but be reminded of a certain episode of The Office that also involved a bird’s funeral. Except I’m pretty sure the funeral on The Office was less awkward than this one.

Jason talks to Naomi’s father, Hector, who wants to know that he’s selfless enough for Naomi. He talks about Jesus a lot, and asks Jason about his religious background. Jason’s not religious, and looks pretty uncomfortable. Hector tells him that Jesus is the only way and all that. It’s very awkward. I bet this is the most Jesus has ever been mentioned on the show. As Jason puts it, “Today I learned that Hector loves Jesus”.

Naomi’s mom, Joanne, thankfully cuts into the conversation. When you’re relieved when dead bird funeral lady shows up, you know things aren’t going well. Naomi’s mom talks about psychic abilities and stuff. She thinks that she and Jason are in the same soul family. And then she talks about reincarnation. Wow...no wonder Joanne and Hector didn’t make it. Jesus doesn’t believe in reincarnation, does he? This family is something else, let me tell you.

Naomi talks to her father about Jason. Hector seems pretty concerned that Jason isn’t a Christian. Naomi says she’s spiritual, but it doesn’t matter if Jason has the same beliefs as her. Hector says she’ll support Naomi, no matter what she decides. Naomi’s talk with her dad made her wish she had talked more about religion and spiritual beliefs with Jason.

Jason says that he thinks Naomi’s family is great, but I’m not totally sure I believe him. Naomi says she thinks that Jason fit in really well with her family, but yeah, I’m going to have to disagree. It seemed to me that of all the dates, Jason was the most uncomfortable here, and that the date went the worst of all of them, though not necessarily bad. Naomi says she’s falling in love with Jason (to the camera). Then they make out a bunch, and I didn’t need to see all of that.

The next date is with Melissa (woot!) in Dallas (woot!). Jason’s looking forward to meeting Melissa’s family, and thinks that it will tell him a lot about who Melissa is (uhhh...bad news buddy). They have a cute little run to each other and twirl around meeting. I think they’re happy to see each other. Melissa made a little tooth fairy box for Ty, which is pretty adorable.

Melissa tells Jason that he’ll be meeting her best friends instead of her family, because her parents aren’t comfortable meeting Jason on TV. They feel like it should be a genuine moment, not recorded. Melissa seems pretty upset by everything, and I feel really bad for her. She’s very worried that the fact that her family won’t do this will affect his decision. I think it’s crap that he doesn’t just get to meet them off camera.

Jason’s going to meet two of her friends, their husbands, and one of her friend’s two daughters. Jason sees that the girls are drawn to Melissa and that she’s very comfortable around kids. That bodes well for her. And the fact that her two friends are both married will work out better for Melissa than the whole meeting the friends thing has for other girls on the show in the past.

Melissa’s friends talk about how Melissa has had bad taste in guys in the past. She hasn’t introduced most guys she’s dated to her friends, but Jason seems to fit in well.

Melissa talks to the girls about how great Jason is, and they get emotional and girly. While that was happening, Jason talks to the guys and asks them how she could still be single since she’s so great. They say that past guys would have rather spent time with their friends than Melissa. They all seem to really care about Melissa. Jason talks about how incredible Melissa is. The guys seem to approve of Jason, and they think that he’s a definite improvement over her past guys.

Jason then talks to the girls, and he has lots of questions about her parents. The friends haven’t really met her parents either, and Jason finds it weird. Yeah...I definitely agree. Melissa better not be going home. Eh, he likes her way too much, I think.

After they leave Melissa’s friends house they go back to Melissa’s place and talk more and she elaborates some about her family. Melissa talks about how private her parents are. Apparently they never even went to the games when she was a Cowboys cheerleader. Melissa says she knows it’s not that they don’t care; it’s just how they are. She says they’re very different than her but that she’s similar to her mom in that they’re both nurturing and that her dad is more adventurous like she is. Then they make out. Melissa says (to the camera) that she’s in love with Jason now.

Jason and Melissa obviously have a connection, but I think the fact that he never met her family was a big deal to Jason. I hope that he doesn’t send her home this week over it because it wasn’t something she did, and it shouldn’t affect his feelings towards her. If he is falling in love with her, her family not wanting to be on TV shouldn’t matter.

Now Jason’s back in Seattle, and he says this past week was one of the best weeks he’s ever had. Chris Harrison shows up at Jason’s (fake) house to talk about the girls. I really like Chris’ vest under the suit coat look. It’s very dapper. Jason says that Jillian really opened up to him and that they have a fun connection, but he’s not sure it’s enough. Meeting Molly’s family really showed Jason a lot about who she is, but he’s not totally sure she’s ready to settle down. Jason delicately says that Naomi’s family is, erm, interesting. He loves her zest for life, but he’s afraid that Naomi’s not ready to settle into the life he has. Jason was disappointed that he didn’t get to meet her parents, but that he does see that her friends are a part of her family. He’s not sure if they can move forward, though, if he can’t actually meet her parents. Chris Harrison then leaves. Sad. Jason says it’s an extremely tough decision to make. Really? Because I didn’t even think about it before deciding he should get rid of Naomi.

Now it’s Rose Ceremony time, and Chris Harrison tells the girl Jason definitely thinks one of them will become his wife. Jason then comes in and tells the girls what a great time he had and how difficult the decision is. Uh huh...let’s hand out those roses! First rose goes to:

Molly (Clown-Mouth) – They’re date went the best, so I’m definitely not surprised.

Jillian (Canaduh) – Not surprising either. He better not end up with her, though.

Chris Harrison comes out to tell us that, “this is the final rose tonight.” Oh Chris Harrison. And the last rose goes to...

Melissa (Orphan) – Good. I’m glad that her family didn’t ruin this for the two of them because she is obviously best for Jason.

And this means Naomi’s gone!!! I figured this would happen and I’m glad it did.

Jason walks Naomi out, and they sit down to talk. Jason says that he’s feels that they’re in different places and that he’s not sure their lives would fit together. She says that she wished it had been because he connected with the other girls more, which is also probably the case, but that would have just been piling on, if you will. Naomi actually handles things better than I thought she would. In the limo she says that after this she doesn’t want a love life right now and that she’s probably better off alone. Way to prove Jason’s point. Man...why did we never get to see her handle bitches with a slap? I was looking forward to that all season...

Jason says he knows he made the right choice, but it was still hard. He goes back with the remaining girls, and talks about what a great week he had. And announces that he’s taking them to New Zealand, which I’m very jealous of.

So...who do we all think will be the next to go? I’m hoping for Jillian.

The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik (Episode 5) Recap

2009-02-03T03:55:00.009-06:00

Previously on The Bachelor...the girls were horrible at singing, Jason and Molly did the nasty in a tent, Jason slutted it up on General Hospital, Melissa (and everyone else) got jealous, Shannon (shockingly) was creepy, Nikki got kicked to the curb, and Jason went all rebel on us and sent home an extra girl. It’s getting down to the wire. I’d say that Jason has been doing a pretty good job choosing, but I think he’s making a mistake by keeping Naomi for so long. Hopefully, she’ll be going home ASAP. Let the love-falling begin…

The jealousy (and my review/recap) begins after the jump.

On the preview for tonight’s episode, we get to see that Jason spends time with Ty, delays his date with Melissa, the girls go on the radio, Naomi and Jason talk awkwardly through helicopter headsets, Jason questions Jillian’s intentions , and we have “the most intense Rose Ceremony ever”, for probably the 34th time. Let’s get to it.

The episode starts with our lovable host, Chris Harrison, telling the girls that Jason sees a future with them. This week they’ll be a group date and two 1-on-1 dates, but none of the dates will have roses. He also tells them that they’re going to Seattle. Screams ensue. Ya know, these type of surprises are kind of ruined by them being shown in previews about 17 thousand times. Just saying. The girls are very excited to go and as Melissa excitedly puts it, “We are fixin’ to hop on a plane and go to Seattle!” Jillian hopes they get to meet Ty. I kind of doubt they will, though. Shouldn’t that be saved for the final 2 or something?

Arial shots of the Emerald City lead to a Jason-Ty reunion. Always precious, although not as cute as the one on last season’s Bachelorette. Jason wants to bring the girls to Seattle to see how well they’ll fit into his life. He also needs to make sure the girls are right for Ty, so maybe they will meet him?

Anyway, the girls show up and Jason’s super excited to see the girls, who, coincidentally, are also super excited to see him. Jason shows the girls their swanky digs. Naomi decides she would move to Seattle in a heartbeat because it’s a beautiful city and a beautiful hotel. She does realize that she wouldn’t be living in the hotel right? Jason then tells Melissa that the two of them will be sharing a one-on-one date later that evening. Naomi is livid that she didn’t get the date and I’m livid that I have to look at Naomi’s terrible hat. They all discuss how Naomi’s the only one to not have one yet, and Jillian helpfully says, “You definitely could use one”.

Melissa’s excited for the date, and says she’s going to have a night of surprises. According to the previews, she clearly will.

Melissa fancies herself up and we get gratuitous shots of Jason shirtless while getting ready at home with a visibly upset Ty. I guess he isn’t taking to the fact that his dad that just got home earlier today is leaving again. I feel ya, Ty. I feel ya. Melissa wait for an extra half hour before Jason calls her to tell her they’re not going on their tour of Seattle date, which sounded like it would have been very nice. I sort of understand Jason not wanting to go out, but couldn’t he have called earlier than he did. He left her sitting there for a half hour. Instead of their elaborate date, Melissa and Jason are going to spend the evening at Jason’s house. Melissa takes it all in stride, as expected, and heads over to Jason’s place. Does this mean she’s going to be the first to meet Ty? If she does, that’s definitely an advantage. Jillian agrees and is super jealous. Ha.

Melissa gets to Jason’s place, and there’s a note saying he’s putting Ty to bed and he’ll be down soon. Melissa gets there and does her (potential) wifely duties and cleans up the place. Nice move, that should definitely score some points with Jason. I’m thinking she might not actually get to meet Ty, just like...watch him sleep.

Anyway, we see Melissa sitting awkwardly waiting, and then Jason comes in. Melissa changes out of her dress and into comfy clothes, and Jason says she always looks good. Jason says he’s not ready to introduce any of the girls to Ty (called it) but she’s allowed to watch him sleep (doubled called it). God, I’m good.

Melissa and Jason then talk about Ty and future children. I think Melissa would be a darn good mom, unlike Naomi, for example. They also talk about who Jason would meet if he went to Melissa’s hometown (her parents and little brother), and what Melissa’s place is like. Melissa says she’s close to her family, but she describes herself as the black sheep of the family. Huh...what kind of family is this if Melissa’s the black sheep? Jason and Melissa make out, and they seem to go really well together. Oh, and for a second I though Melissa had a tramp stamp, but I’m pretty sure it was just her mic, thank god. I mean, she’s my favorite. That could have ruined it! I’d be just fine with that date if I were Melissa because they actually got to connect and talk about real things instead of, “Oh, look how pretty Seattle looks.”

The other girls agree with me and are crazy jealous. Is it the specific date they’re jealous of or is it that the see that Jason and Melissa have a connection and this time will only deepen it? I think it’s the latter. I do like the fact that all the girls would actually prefer to spend time with Jason in a more real setting than all the fancy expensive dates.

Now it’s the next date, and a date box/card comes. It’s for Stephanie, Jillian, and Molly. “Open your heart because love is on the air”. Naomi’s glad she’s finally getting her one-on-one date because she’ll actually get time with Jason. I’m kind of okay with that, because maybe he’ll see how awful she is.

Anyway, they go off on the group date, and Jason’s excited to see how the girls like Seattle and all that. Stephanie is wearing a terrible white furry vest. It’s making me want to vomit. Why would she wear that. Does she think that’s going to impress Jason? Oh, goodness, just caught what’s underneath. Shirt with rhinestones…no! Abort mission. Abort mission! She does not dress like a woman in her 30s should. Stephanie and Jason have 1-on-1 time, and she gets to steer the boat, which she’s very excited about. Jason tells the camera about the connection they have as parents (but what about a romantic connection?), and then they talk about Sophia and their date with her. I think Jason might like Sophia and the idea of them as a family more than he actually likes Stephanie. They just don’t have the spark he has with some of the others.

Jillian and Molly talk about jealousy, but Jillian isn’t too worried, because she only sees Jason ending up with her. God I hope not. He works way better with Melissa. Or Molly. Or...well, mainly those two. I like Stephanie too though.

Jason can only meet the families of four of the girls, so he decides to use radio hosts to help him narrow it down. Good plan. Jason is on the air first, and the girls can watch, but not listen. The girls marvel at how good he looks doing it. The hosts ask Jason a bevy of questions including what his favorite date was. Jason says that it was his date with Stephanie and Sophia. That’s nice and all, but I kind of feel like it was a safe answer. He could hardly say that he most enjoyed getting it on in a tent. Ooh, then they ask Jason who the best kisser is, and I’m pretty sure he shouldn’t answer that one. But stupidly he does, and his answer is Molly. No shocker there, I mean it is her secret talent and even won her a rose on a group date.

Apparently the show is live because Melissa and Naomi are listening...and know he doesn’t think either of them are the best kisser. Although, it’s debatable if the question is about all five girls or just the three on the date with him.

To test to see if he’s legit about his choice, the hosts hold a kissing contest wherein Jason is blindfolded and each of the girls kisses him and he has to guess who each was at the end. Jillian goes first and as she puts it, “I just forced my tongue right into his mouth and touched his tonsils so that he knew it would be me. No I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t. I didn’t.”

Stephanie kisses him next, and let me tell you, awkward. He is obviously going to know it’s her because she does her little kiss him all over before she hits the lips. Who does she think she is, Mr. Darcy? She puts it best, “I think he would recognize from me, tenderness.” As an aside, I would like to say that Stephanie needs to lay off the make-up. It is truly ridiculous, especially in the lighting of the interviews. She is wearing more blush than all the blush I have ever worn combined. It looks like Sophia was the one that did her make-up.

Molly goes next and does her patented grabbing his face move, so Jason naturally gets them all correct. Apparently the contest was “so easy”.

Now the girls get interviewed. Stephanie thinks that Jason’s eyes are the sexiest thing about him, and Jillian agrees. Melissa thinks it’s his smile though. Aww...yeah...I love his smile. Next, the hosts ask the ladies what they’re like in the sack. Molly says she’s a lingerie kind of girl. She says that it makes her feel wanted. Jillian says she likes to have fun because it makes it more intimate afterward, and Stephanie again creeps me out by saying that she just wants to make sure her guy is completely taken care of. Ummm… what about you? Shouldn’t he take care of you too?

Then they go get dinner, and um, nothing happens. Next, Jason and Jillian have some alone time and Jason asks her how she’s doing because he feels like he’s seen change in her since they’ve been in Seattle. Jillian basically says she came on the show for the experience of traveling and meeting people, but didn’t expect to care about him. Awesome. See? She’s not likeable you guys. Anyway, she says it’s hard because the other girls are amazing girls. Jason is worried that her expectations are too high because she expects things to be passionate all the time. Holy cow, she talks extremely fast. I can’t really pin downs what it is about her that bothers me so much, but I just can’t like her. Then they talk about who he’d meet in Canada, which would be her mom, dad, cousin, and her cousin’s guy, and what they do, like picnics, campfires, barbeques, hiking, and lots of other outdoorsy Canadian stuff.

Back to the hotel, the doorbell rings, and Naomi sings some “I’ve got my date card” song. The song is horrible, and so is her singing. He date card says, “Don’t look down, you might fall...” Naomi’s excited, and Melissa is jealous.

Back on the date, the girls question Jason about how he knew who was who when he kissed them. His answer is, “different lips, different styles, different people”. No shit. The girls seem to think it’s a good answer, though.

Then Jason steals Molly away for a walk, and she says she feels very spoiled about the time she gets to spend with Jason. Jillian talks about how hard it is and how jealous she is. Boring. I mean...the girls are jealous, but they’re not being catty enough to make it very entertaining.

Back to Jason and Molly, they talk about her family, who are sarcastic, easy-going, and mellow, just like her. Have we seen Molly being sarcastic at all? I’m not doubting she is...they just haven’t shown it. Jason says he hopes he gets to meet her family, so um, I’m guessing he will. Otherwise why say it? Molly comments (to the camera) that she doesn’t know why Jason’s wasting the other girl’s time. Oh...good job producers, showing that sarcasm for the first time RIGHT after her being sarcastic was mentioned.

Now it’s Jason’s date with Naomi. He’s not sure she’s ready for his life, because she’s such a free spirit or something. Naomi’s excited to “explore a city she might be calling home someday”. Well, I suppose that’s possible, but not because she ends up with Jason. They take a sea plane tour of the city, and then Jason talks (to the camera) about how amazing Naomi is. And they make out in the sea plane. Or helicopter, according to Naomi.

Now we’re back at the hotel, and Stephanie talks on the phone to her daughter on speakerphone, while the other girls listen. Stephanie thinks Jason needs someone who is mature, aka not Naomi. We’re having lots of hinting that Naomi’s going home this episode...

Back to Jason and Naomi, they go to some sports store that has a rock climbing wall. They climb and kiss. Then they stop climbing and kiss more. Then they talk about what Jason wants in a wife, which is someone who understands and would want his life. Apparently the whole Deanna thing kind of made him realize how important that was. Hmmm...it actually sounds like Jason has thought things through. How strange for this show. Oh, and then Jason and Naomi kiss more. Naomi thinks that their lives will fit together really well.

Now Jason and Naomi go over to have fondue, and Naomi tells the camera she’s starting to fall for him. Jason thinks it’s possible they could work out, but he needs to know more about her. Jason asks about her family, and Naomi’s family relationship with her parents is apparently complicated. Naomi talks about how her mom left her dad and her, and then mentions that she sees a lot of her mom in her. Umm...way to seduce a man...compare yourself to your family-deserting mom. Jason picks up on this, and it seems to concern him too. To be fair, I don’t think that’s what she means at all, but yeah. Naomi talks about the future...wanting to adopt kids, have kids of her own, cook...that type of thing. She says she’s really opened up to Jason now. “Today I climbed a wall, and walls came down”. Clever. And I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible.

Back at the hotel, the girls talk about what they’re afraid of. Molly’s afraid Jason will see her as too young. Stephanie’s afraid he’ll see her as too settled. Jillian’s afraid he thinks she has unrealistic expectations of relationships. They think Naomi’s biggest obstacle is getting past the friends thing. But judging by all the kissing on their date, well, I think they’re past it.

Jason is glad that Naomi’s opened up and answered his questions. Naomi thinks things are really good between them. I still think she has a chance of going home.

Now we see shots of Jason hanging out with Ty, while talking head Jason discusses the decision he has to make this week.

The girls are sitting around talking when the doorbell rings, and it’s Jason! He says he’s having a tough day, and that he came because he wants to talk to Jillian. Hmmm...that doesn’t sound that good for her.

Basically, Jason’s worried that Jillian will break his heart. Jillian, holding back tears, talks to Jason about how hard the experience is. He says she always seems strong, and she says she feels like she has to be. Jason says that she’s unbelievable and he really has feelings for her, but he needs to make sure she has feelings for him too. She says she does (I think), but that it’s hard to open up. Jillian says she never expected to get to the hometown date, and I still hope she won’t (although I think she will). Then Jillian and Jason kiss for a bit, so yeah, she’s probably staying...but that conversation was pretty boring.

Now it’s almost Rose Ceremony time, and Jason sits down to talk with Chris Harrison (yay!) at his house. Jason talks about how hard this decision is to make this time. He says it’s kind of a pivotal moment...the whole hometown date thing. Jason talks about how great the date was with Melissa, but sometimes he worries she’s good to be true. Ha...because she’s clearly the best. Jason says Stephanie is one of the most fantastic women he’s ever met and he’d be lucky to end up with her. I still think he won’t though. He says Molly’s fun and her family seems fun, which he likes. Jason says he wants to make sure Jillian is there for him and not for an adventure at this point. He says things are great with Naomi and the chemistry has developed. Chris Harrison comments that he doesn’t have much bad to say about the women, and Jason says, “They’re all incredible”. Yeah, I beg to differ. They are definitely not ALL incredible. Jason doesn’t know how he’s going to choose.

Now we’re at the Rose Ceremony, and Chris Harrison talks to the girls and then brings Jason out. Jason says it’s been an “unreal” week, but tough to figure out which four families he wants to meet. He says, “I got most of my questions answered. Most of them”. Very ominous. Apparently he wants to talk to Naomi more. Molly freaks out and thinks that she’s going to be the one going, but she’s clearly wrong.

Jason wants to make sure that Naomi is ready for the life that he leads. She says that she’s over the single lifestyle and that she’s ready for a family. She says things feel “right” with Jason. I’m really confused about whether or not she’s going now. I was thinking she was, but now I’m thinking she’s not. If she doesn’t, who will? Stephanie? Have they hinted towards that enough? They seemed to be setting it up for Naomi to go, but now I’m thinking maybe not.

Jason says that he’s sorry he had to do that, but it’s what he needed. And now it’s rose time. First rose goes to...

Jillian (Canuck) – So we’re stuck with more of her annoying voice. Awesome.

Melissa (Black Sheep) – Yay! She’s definitely my favorite.

Molly (Kiss Expert) – I like her too. I’m not sure why she thought she wouldn’t get a rose...

And now it’s final rose time, which Chris Harrison so amazingly announces. And it goes to...

Naomi (Helicopter Passenger) – God no. Why?

Jason says that Stephanie’s the most amazing person he’s ever met and that they’re all better people for meeting her. Stephanie handles it with class and says she was glad she got to be a part of it and wishes Jason the best. Wait...THAT was the most intense Rose Ceremony ever? Okay, no. It was sad and everything, but intense? Do they know what intense means? Are they just picking random adjectives?

Jason then walks Stephanie out, and he says he wanted it to be there, but it wasn’t. Stephanie is like 27 thousand times classier than Naomi or Jillian. Boo. I’m sad she’s gone, although I knew she wouldn’t win, because well, the spark really wasn’t there. Stephanie then talks about going to Heaven and seeing Steve (her dead husband) someday. Weird.

Next week...Jillian opens up about her family’s past, Jason demonstrates his lack of artistic ability for Molly’s family, Naomi’s family is crazy and makes guests eulogize dead birds, and Melissa’s family refuses to be on TV. Ooooh...interesting twist. Hope that doesn’t screw things up for Melissa, seeing as I went her to get the final rose. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see...

Core Four:
Honestly, we only like two of the four girls left, so yeah, we’re having to widen our pool for this one.

Melissa: Our favorite. We're not sure what it is about her, but she's just so dang likable.

Molly: She claims she’s sarcastic (a definite plus) and we actually got to see it this time, even if it was only one comment.

Chris Harrison: Best part of the show, as always. We think that's all that needs to be said.

Ty: He wanted to spent time with his dad so he did. This one obviously knows how to get his way.

Real World: Brooklyn (Episode 4) Recap

2009-02-02T17:02:00.002-06:00

Last week on the Real World: Brooklyn, Ryan and Baya flirted, Katelynn had boyfriend problems, and the girls and Ryan pole danced. This week I better see some drama or I am going to be pissed. I am quickly losing interest in these losers. PLEASE let the fighting begin…

Spoilers after the jump.

To start this episode, Devyn tells the group what she wants to do with her life. She says she wants to move to LA after this because in NYC she would get pushed into Broadway, and that is not where she wants to be. And what she means by this is that she wants to be famous. JD thinks she’s just being young and naïve, and is just doing whatever she wants. Yes, but you’re all on The Real World, so isn’t that sort of a pot-kettle situation?

The roommates are going to a swanky private party and Ryan is having some issues with having to dress up. “Where are we going? A golf club?” he asks incredulously. He decides to go uberfancy and so he wears a sport coat and handlebar mustache. Nice. Alex, Scott’s model friend, was at the party and Blayne tried out his game on her. Ryan was not optimistic, but Blayne did seem to somewhere with her.

Next, we see JD take a phone message for Sarah from a very rude, insistent man. Sarah’s not there because she’s shopping with Chet and Katelynn. Sarah questions Katelynn’s taste, which happens to be small, trashy, and tight. It’s probably not the best combo, and I totally agree with Sarah. Personal style be damned, I don’t want to see any more booty shorts out of this girl!

In the car on the way home, Blayne pushes Sarah buttons about domestic abuse without knowing how close to home he’s hitting. She tells Blayne that her father hit and sexually abused her and that she would never let him back in her life. I’m guessing this is somehow related to the phone call from Pushy-Man.

Back at the house, the man calls again, who happens to be her father. I am not very surprised. Rightly, Sarah tells him never to call her again and eventually hangs up on him after he tells her that she is playing into her mother’s lies and distortions.

After she hangs up, Baya comforts her. Sarah can’t understand how he got the number, and calls her mother for guidance. He mother helps her, tells her to have her roomies screen her calls, and tells her not to be a victim. It really seems to help.

Later on at a bar, JD introduces Blayne to Angelique, who he describes as a better transsexual than Katelynn, thereby confirming to Blayne that Katelynn is transsexual. Smooth move. He also introduces Angelique to Devyn and says that Angelique was on American Idol and says that she sings 100 times better than Devyn. Wow, JD is on fire tonight. Angelique sings to the crowd, and pulls Devyn onto the stage with her. Devyn is pissed, but sings anyways.

Sarah tells Katelynn that JD basically outed her being transgender. Katelynn confronts JD about it and he makes incomprehensible noises.

Next, we see Devyn still mad about the previous night. She said it was the most awkward thing she’s ever done in her life. She talks to JD about it and says that what he did was, “so disrespectful, dismissive, and dismeaning.” JD blames it on the alcohol and Devyn’s not having it. She tells him she’ll never see him the same, and he says she should be mad at Angelique, if any one. That’s a great idea JD! I’m sure laying the blame on someone else will make Devyn feel better. Devyn refuses to hug JD after they talk it out.

Later, Devyn then meets with her aunt who is in The Color Purple and she gets Devyn in contact with a casting director.

Alex calls Blayne and they mmake a date, sans Scott tagging along, which was much discussed.

Sarah’s dad has called again, and says that there is no reason that she shouldn’t talk to him. She hangs up on him again and still hasn’t seemed to get through to him.

Sarah tells Devyn that she had been molested at a daycare center, so she got therapy and counseling. After he parents separated, her dad took her camping and only brought one sleeping bag. She left and hasn’t talked to her dad since, and has been trying to press charges.

Alan Filderman, the casting director, calls Devyn and sets up an audition with him. She has to have a couple of monologues and a song prepared.

Next, we hear Devyn practicing her acapella song, The Star Spangled Banner. She’s actually good, much better than at the bar during her sing-off with Angelique. She’s feeling a little nervous, but definitely excited. On the way to her interview, she accidentally drives to New Jersey. Ouch, that’s rough. First of all she’ll be late, and second of all she has to go to Jersey. Yikes. She ends up more than 45 minutes late. He lets her audition anyway and then tells her that he’ll let her know if anything comes up.

Sarah talks to her mom on the phone and they talk about how she wants to work at an organization that helps victims of sexual abuse. She’s very passionate about it, and it’s definitely a better goal than most of these guys have. Later, she volunteers at a nonprofit art mentor program. She mentors a girl names Sapphire who she obviously gets along with and promised to go again.

Next, Blayne almost gets stood up by Alex for their date. He’s happy to be out with her because it makes him feel good that she’s pretty. She’s 19 and more experienced than him. She says that one day she will sleep over with him and Blayne remarks to the camera, “The fact that Alex is willing to sleep over with me. I can tell that she’s sexually attracted to me, and that’s natural.” Is it? Really? I beg to differ.

When Blayne gets back, Ryan tells him he’s wasting his time since he can’t see himself marrying her. It’s Ryan’s belief that dating should only be a stepping stone to marriage. So, he see himself marrying Michelle Ma Belle, but he thinks that sometime down the line something could happen with Baya. So he wants to cheat on his future wife? Hmmmmm…

Katelynn complains that she hasn’t orgasms in a while, and that leads to questions to Blayne from Katelynn and Sarah. It comes out that he doesn’t masturbate, have oral sex, and he has never touched a boob. Don’t worry about it, though, because the nocturnal emissions take care of everything. Sleep on that one.

Core Four Reasons Heidi Klum is in our Core Four

2009-01-28T04:02:00.005-06:00

1. She might not say it anymore, but "Models, this is also a competition for you as well" was pretty much the best line on any reality show. Her lack of knowledge of the English language is endearing.

2. No one does short, tight, and shiny dresses like Heidi. In fact, no one even tries.

3. Anyone who puts Tim Gunn on their show is obviously some sort of genius. The world owes Heidi oh so much for bringing him to us.

4. She has the most classic critiques. "She looks like a fat Minnie Mouse" and "It looked like she was pooing fabric," for example. She articulates what we're all thinking.

Readers, this is also a post for you as well. See more of it after the jump.

Core Four Reasons Chris Harrison is in our Core Four

2009-01-28T04:00:00.005-06:00

1. Even though he has limited screen time, he steals the show every time he's on screen.

2. No one can say “This is the final rose” with the intensity that he does.

3. You have to give the man credit. He doesn’t have a problem making any of the bachelorettes/bachelors uncomfortable on The Women/Men Tell All.

4. He's actually pretty funny, which you'll notice if you pay attention to him interviewing The Bachelors.

See more of Chris Harrison's mad crazy hosting skillz after the jump.

Core Four Reasons Jeff Probst is in our Core Four

2009-01-28T03:56:00.008-06:00

1. He's one of those guys that really believes in his show. Like...he'd watch Survivor even if he didn't host it.

2. He doesn't let the castaways bullshit him at tribal council and always pulls the truth out of them eventually.

3. He doesn't just let the survivors quit. He gives them a hard time about it, as he should.

4. You gotta give a guy who hooks up with one of the former contestants props. Let's see Seacrest pull that one off.

See pictures of Jeff, host with the most, after the jump.

Core Four Reasons Tyra Banks is in our Core Four

2009-01-28T03:50:00.008-06:00

1. No other host aspires to be the center point of their show. It takes cahones.

2. She invented fierce before Christian Siriano was even born.

3. Who wants to let the contestants be the only ones to take pictures when you can have one taken of yourself every week?

4. She's Tyra-frickin-Banks. No one can match her level of crazy/fierceness.

See more fierceness after the jump.

Poll Results Week 2 (The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik)

2009-01-27T17:54:00.004-06:00

This week we had mixed results in our poll. We asked which moment (from a group of moments we selected) you all thought that Jason wouldn't want to show Ty. I think we can all agree he probably doesn't want to show most, if not all, of it to the poor kids. The moment that you guys thought was worst, though, was Natalie's Limo Rant, after Jason had dumped her off in Vegas. 38% of you thought that showing a clip of an arrogant girl swearing and being self-centered wasn't family friendly.

See the rest of the poll results after the jump.

Was there any horrible moment that we left off the list? And what cringe-worthy things happened on last night's episode that would send Ty running for the hills? I think that Megan and Jason kissing on the soap set was pretty PG-13, but you also can't forget Jason and Molly's tent escapades. What do you guys think?

The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik (Episode 4) Recap

2009-01-27T03:21:00.011-06:00

Previously on the bachelor: Stephanie got to frolic in the ocean with her daughter, the girls made molds of their boobs, Jason looked gooood with his shirt off, and Shannon vomited during the Rose Ceremony. Based on the preview for this episode it looks like Deanna is not in this one, and I am growing antsy. Why did they show us that happening when it was not going happen for like 6 weeks? Don’t tease me like that ABC.

Seems like we’ll have lots of fun drama this episode...a 2-on-1 elimination, girls breaking down, Shannon being creepy. Anyways, let the cryfest begin.

The weeping (and my review/recap) begins after the jump.

The episode begins with Chris Harrison coming out and announce there will be a 1-on-1 date, a group date, and a 2-on-1 date this week. 2-on-1’s are always exciting, because someone goes home. Oooh, fun twist by Chris Harrison, the girls have to compete to win the 1-on-1 date. Copying Deanna’s season, they have to write and perform a song for Jason.

The girls begin to work on their songs. Molly’s going the funny route, which is probably the best idea, and uhhh...we know she wins, so yeah. Stephanie is going all opera-like, which isn’t such a good idea. . Shannon chose to do a rap song, because that’s what Jason did for Deanna, proving that even choosing what genre of music to sing can bring out the creepy in a girl. Lauren thinks she’s a good singer, and is trying to go with a professional sounding song. Uhhh...good luck. Nikki is weeping and whines that being silly is not in her nature. No kidding. She’s going to be an AWESOME stepmom! Kids love people who are too self conscious to have fun!

Now the amazing Chris Harrison calls the girls together to perform. Jason is super excited, because apparently the singing contest was soooo fun last year. I remember it being awkward, at least. My anticipation is for the performances is beginning to grow.

Molly goes first and copies the tune of a song that I can’t recall at the moment. Apparently her song is funny (to the people there, at least), something about fast food. I’m wondering why she wins with that. I’m guessing Jason just picked the person he wanted to spend time with.

Shannon a.k.a. Shanaynay raps, and I actually think hers was kind of cute. But just kind of.

Melissa and Jillian’s songs are nothing worth mentioning (or making fun of).

Megan talks about baby making.

And then there’s Stephanie…wow. Just wow. And she’s dressed like a 12 year old hooker. Wow again.

Lauren announced to the camera that everyone’s song sucked. She’s right. She’s obviously taken this very seriously and her song is clearly the best. If Jason doesn’t pick her (and he doesn’t, since we know Molly gets the 1-on-1 date) than he is not picking his date based on their songs at all.

Nikki, who is sweating like a ho in church, but sounds better than most of them. Although, that’s not saying too much. She wrote a song she would want to sing her baby someday. I don’t think that was the assignment, but whatever. Dude...if she hates singing so much in front of people, maybe she shouldn’t have done a song that was so hard to sing. She wasn’t bad, though.

Now Chris Harrison says it’s time to announce the winner of the date, and Jason picks Molly, which we knew already. . Hmmm…I’m gonna call his bluff. He wanted to have a date with Molly and it really didn’t matter what they sang. Lauren naturally agrees. “I had the best song. And I didn’t get it”. I mean, she’s conceited, but she’s also right.

Molly’s date box comes. “Molly...let’s stay home tonight at my place. J”. The girls are jealous, because they think that will be more what it’s like to be with Jason. Minus the whole camera crew at least.

Molly’s “so nervous she could pee her pants”. The girls sit around awkwardly as Jason picks Molly up. They’re starting to get more and more jealous, I think, which makes sense. The more you connect with someone, the harder it must be to see them dating other people.

Molly’s date is at Jason’s place. This should be chill date and they’ll get to talk a lot I’m sure. Jason wants to know more about Molly besides “all the fun stuff”. They have fast food for dinner. Right away, they get down to serious talking. I have to say, she really needs to lay off the eyeliner. Jason seems to disagree though and thinks her eyes are “stargazing amazing.” I guess…if you’re into raccoons.

Back at the mansion, the group date box arrives. All the girls are praying they’re not going on that 50-percent-chance-you’re-leaving 2-on-1 date. The girls that get the reprieve are Jillian, Lauren, Shannon, Megan, Melissa, and Naomi. “Want to play doctor? –J” That leaves Nikki and Stephanie for the 2-on-1 date. My money’s on Stephanie getting the rose. Nikki begins to cry and stress. She should be fine, though, because this is her natural state.

After eating, Molly puts on some of Jason’s clothes, and they go out to a tent and campfire set up in the back yard and make s’mores. Mmmm. Molly tells Jason that he is just what she wants her husband and the father of her children to be. She tells the camera she’s on the path to falling in love with Jason. They kiss and then he gives her a rose. Molly’s teeth are so white they look like they’re under a black light. They go into the tent to do the nasty.

Shannon decides to wait up for Molly, because well, she’s creepily obsessed with Jason’s every move. Guess it will be a long night for her. We get shots of her asleep on the couch and then shots of the tent with the sound of Molly’s moans. Making a little brother or sister for Ty perhaps?

Jason brings Molly home the next morning, and they seem veryyyy smitten with each other. Watch out Jillian...we may have a new frontrunner. Molly refers to herself as “first girl in Bachelor history to have the walk of shame”. Haha...what an honor. The girls all greet her warmly (or fake warmly) but definitely notice her wearing Jason’s clothes. Side note...what’s up with the purple polka doted robes? Did each of the girls get them? They annoy me. Molly tells the girls she’s so tired that she feels sick, and this upsets the girls who have a date with Jason because they’re getting her tired, sloppy seconds.

Jason shows up for the date, and mentions that he’s all about surprises again. Uh...aren’t all the dates on the Bachelor/Bachelorette surprises. Shannon’s worried, because the last time she spend time with Jason she was crying and throwing up. Good point.

The group date ends up being a trip to the set of General Hospital. It’s Spinelli and Maxie (also known as Zenon, for all you Disney fans out there). I missed their actual names, sorry. I am so glad Maxie has cleaned up her act since she faked a pregnancy and broke up Lucky and Elizabeth’s marriage, which really didn’t need any more help since Elizabeth was pregnant with Jason’s child anyway. I guess Georgie’s death really put things in perspective for her.

Anyway, the group is going to be acting out some scenes. The girls are sent to hair and make-up. I see Shannon with a knife. Obviously, they were type-casting.

The girls show up on set, and Maxie/Zenon and Spinelli are going to give them pointers. Maxie/Zenon wants to teach them about kissing, so she ask for a volunteer and, what do you know, Shannon pretty much vaults herself up there before Maxie/Zenon’s done asking the question. Shannon got to kiss Jason and now she feels a connection. Now? Really? She was acting THAT creepy and didn’t even feel a connection?

“I am a horrible actor,” Jason astutely states. Let the drama begin.

First up is Naomi, who is a maid. She’s sleeping with Jason, who’s married with Lauren. Lauren catches them making out, slaps both of them. They have to do the take about 15 times, which means that Naomi gets to kiss Jason 15 times. In the scene Naomi screams “I’m not a whore” and Melissa, watching, remarks “Oh, I don’t know. I disagree”. I love Melissa.

Next we have a scene with a wig-clad Jillian. She gets to be proposed to in her scene. Melissa is feeling jealous of the other girls kissing Jason. Megan has the next scene, and even her character is profane. She grabs a hold of him and goes nuts.

Next the gang heads to Hollywood for a “wrap-party”. Jason asks the girls the hardest part of the day, and I’m guessing for all of them it was watching all the girls make out with Jason. Naomi sits off by herself pouting, I assume because she wants attention. She claims it’s because she’s having a hard time today, but uh, that’s bullshit. She’s being an attention whore.

Jason takes her off to talk, and Naomi talks about how hard it is for her. And how scared she is. Jason talks about how he thinks they’ll be in each other’s lives forever. Which will be reassuring for Naomi when she gets sent home this episode or next (which will happen if I have my way).

Everyone’s kind of emotional tonight, and Megan, sweet as always, says, “Everyone’s crying, and upset, and emotional, and it’s like, man up!” Apparently she doesn’t think it’s hard, which is weird to me. Who enjoys seeing a guy you like dating other girls? Side note...seriously...why do people go on this show? Jason comments on what a great person Megan is, which isn’t true. And then he doesn’t kiss her, because well, she’s going to go home. Megan thinks she’s completely perfect for him, because clearly she’s an idiot.

Jason goes off with Lauren next, and she talks about how she dominates people. Lauren tells him he better give her the rose that night, and Jason looks pretty put off. Jason says he hears her. Umm...he better not give her the rose on this date. Damn...why do these girls act all normal on one episode and then whip out the crazy on the next one? How am I supposed to figure out which ones I like?

Next, Melissa gets one-on-one time with our bachelor and starts crying and tells Jason that how upset she was proved to herself how much she is really falling for him. She at least is embarrassed of her crying though, which is more than I can say for some of them. They kiss for a while and Melissa interviews that she doesn’t want to fall in love alone. Shannon creepily shows up over Jason’s shoulder, so the moment is kind of officially ended.

Shannon and Jason go off and talk, and apparently Shannon’s family and friends are delusional, because they think she had the perfect personality for this show. Shannon grabs Jason away and tells Jason that he can’t let her go because she has so much to offer. She tells him that she is “putting her heart on her shoulder” and that she wants to meet Ty and begs him to come home with her. I almost can’t watch this, it’s so pathetic. She’s crying and blowing her nose and basically a mess. And then tries to kiss him, which, weirdly enough, he’s not so into. Shannon feels rejected...probably because she was.

Back to the house, and Nikki and Stephanie get their date box. “Let’s dance the night away. J”. Isn’t a dancing date awkward with three people? Stephanie’s excited about the date, and Nikki’s nervous.

Now it’s rose time on the date. Will Lauren get her way? Naomi gets the rose, and the other girls feel like it was a pity rose because she went off and cried in the bathroom every five minutes. Lauren says she feels like an idiot. Then she comments on what type of girl it means he wants if he picks Naomi. I agree. She’s an annoying attention whore. Why is she still there?

Now it’s time for the dreaded two-on-one date. Dresses show up at the house for the girls. Naomi talks about how much the 2-on-1 date sucks. I actually agree with something she says, for once. Stephanie says she’s worried because Nikki’s a beautiful girl and Jason “likes dark hair and dark eyes too, and that’s a concern”. Uhh...doesn’t Stephanie have dark hair and dark eyes too?

Jason is concerned that Nikki stays too in the box and that he might not have a romantic connection with Stephanie. I think Stephanie’s going to win out. But...I don’t get Jason’s taste (Naomi? Really?), so what do I know?

They get to the date location, and whoa, Stephanie’s got boobs. They’re going to learn how to waltz on the date. Aw...both girls look really pretty. Nikki wishes that she would have had weeks or months to prepare for the dancing. Stephanie on the other hand, is a ballet dancer and has even taught dance for years. Nikki says that Jason and Stephanie look like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Man...I really wish Stephanie would tone down the makeup, though. She’s really pretty without all of it. Nikki talks about how she feels like a third wheel, and has the balls to cut in. Nice move. Oooh, and now Stephanie cuts back in. It’s SO on. Stephanie wants to kiss Jason, but refrains because Nikki’s there and well, she has class.

Now Nikki cuts back in. Okay, these women are getting so annoyed with each other, but are trying to pretend they’re not. Oh god. Nikki tells the camera that she wants her turn. “I’ve never been married. I don’t have any children. Stephanie already had a one-on-one date with Jason. She already had a man. She married him, had his daughter, and sadly he died. I want my turn”.

Back at the mansion, the girls talk about who’s coming back to the mansion, and who’s going home. Jillian thinks Stephanie’s staying. Megan wonders if they’ll both go home. I don’t think they will.

In the next part of the date the sit down for dinner and get down to some serious conversation. The fact that Nikki had been in an 11 year relationship comes out and Jason and Nikki have some private time and Nikki opens up even more. Next Jason and Stephanie share private time. I can’t help but wonder what the other one does during the one-on-one time. At least on group dates they have the other girls to talk to.

Now it’s rose time on the date. Aww...I’m going to feel bad for whoever leaves, and by that I mean Nikki. Jason talks about how amazing the two girls are. And then he gives the rose to Stephanie, who looks like she honestly feels really bad for Nikki. Stephanie is probably one of the classiest people to have ever been on the show. Nikki handles the situation with just a little more class than Natalie. Jason looks really upset sending Nikki home, and I still like him, even if he has horrible taste and likes girls like Naomi.

At the mansion, the guy comes in and takes Nikki’s stuff...and damn, she has like four suitcases. Pink ones, too. Cute. The girls seems sad...quite a contrast to last week when Natalie left.

We see shots of Stephanie and Jason together interspersed with Nikki talking about how she’s never god enough or something. Jason and Stephanie dance and she finally gets that kiss she has been hoping for all night. Clearly he’s feeling the spark with her now.

On to the cocktail party before the Rose ceremony. I’m hoping for drama.

Jillian and Jason go off and talk. Jillian talks about how she can handle the situation pretty well. Then they kiss. The girls talk about the two of them, and Megan thinks they don’t have a romantic connection. I wish she was right.

Melissa and Jason talk and she apologizes for crying. She tells him she notices little things like the freckle by his eye and the hole in his ear…oh my god. Did he have his ear pierced? That’s no bueno. Jason and Melissa really seem to have a major connection, which makes me happy since I really like that girl. They kiss, and Melissa talks about how she’s really falling for him.

Megan now talks to Lauren and Stephanie about how she feels like she hasn’t had enough time with Jason. He comes in and takes Megan off to talk. Megan tells the camera she’s best suited for Jason than anyone else, but he doesn’t see realize. Yeah...because Jason is also a crass classless bitch. Megan talks to Jason and actually says OMG in conversation. Not “oh my god”. She actually says the letters OMG. Wow, that’s so embarrassing. Jason shows off the waltz moves he learned to Megan and she’s very excited. They don’t kiss though, again. Hmmm.

Jason talks to Lauren next. Lauren is upset that she didn’t get the rose and tells Jason she is going to slap him for real. She’s clearly not that upset though, because they have their first kiss. Lauren thinks she has the strongest connection with Jason of all the girls. Yeah...that’s not true at all.

The charismatic Chris Harrison comes in then to take Jason away to deliberate. Ooh, I guess we don’t get to see Chris Harrison and Jason talk about the girls, though, which is disappointing. Why cut back on the ridiculously small amount of time we get to see Chris Harrison? Booooo.

Molly, Naomi, and Stephanie already have roses, so they’re obviously staying. I think the other frontrunners are Melissa and Jillian. That leaves Shannon, Megan, and Lauren. Two more are going home. I’m hoping it’s Megan and Jillian, but I’m sure Jillian is staying. I’m thinking it’ll be Megan and Shannon maybe? Or it could be Lauren and Shannon and I just reallyyyy want Megan gone. Wait actually, didn’t the previews imply Jason might send an extra girl home? Are they all going?

Jason tells the girls what an amazing time he’s had, and thanks the girls for everything. And the roses go to...

Melissa (Sir-Cries-A-Lot): I knew it. She may have been insecure this episode, but I still like her.

Jillian (Oh Canada): I still don’t like her. She seems like she tries too hard to be cool and chill and it just comes across fake and annoying. I hope "Dude" drops her ASAP.

Man, the rose ceremonies are getting short. The final rose goes to...

No one. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I can’t give out this final rose.” Wow, that means there are only five girls left. It also means that the witch is dead! Yes, that’s right! Megan is gone! He says Megan is amazing, Lauren is honest and real, and Shannon is “a beautiful person”, but he can’t lead the girls on. So yeah, none of them get a rose. I like it. Good twist Jason. I’m definitely not upset those three are going home.

Lauren thinks it’s not fair that Jason “changed the rules up and didn’t give out the last rose”. She apparently thinks Jason should have kept him because she told her how she felt. He went by who he felt a connection with, which was obviously not the way to do it. Shannon, strangely enough, seems to handle it fine. How weird is that? Isn’t she supposed to have some sort of breakdown and drive past Jason’s house every hour? She does talk about making out with her dog, so we do get to see a little bit of that creepy Shannon we all know and love. I hope her puppy enjoys French kisses as much as Shannon seems to. Megan was SURE she was getting the last rose, so she’s very hurt and confused. She handles leaving with more class than I’d expect from her, though, so I give her credit for that.

Jason toasts to the girls left, “the five most wonderful girls I’ve ever met”. Take that, Deanna and Ty’s mom.

Next week: Jason reunites with Ty, takes the girls to Seattle, possibly stands Melissa up (although I doubt it), and Jason and Stephanie go on some radio show. Oooh, and apparently we’ll see “the most dramatic Rose Ceremony ever”. Right. I feel like they’ve claimed that before. Like...every episode.

Oh, and our ending clip is Lauren singing a song about wanting to famous, which gives us great insight onto why she came on the show.

Anyway...next week my money’s on Naomi going home. But that could just be because I reallyyyyyyy want her to go. What do you all think?

Core Four
We're basically going with a Core Three now. With only five girls left, a Core Four is pretty much impossible for us. But we're including a fourth AMAZING person. Because it IS called a Core Four...

Melissa: She obviously cares about Jason and she has some of the funniest observations on the show. Definitely our favorite.

Stephanie: She has proven time and again that she has more class than most of the other girls have in the fingernail on their pinky.

Molly: She has proven time and again that she has more class than most of the other girls have in their pinky fingernail.

Chris Harrison: He may not be competing for Jason's love, but judging by how little we see of him, he has to compete for screen time. Anyway...read his blog. He's funny. And clearly a winner in our book.

Real World: Brooklyn (Episode 3) Recap

2009-01-22T21:07:00.003-06:00

Last week on the Real World: Brooklyn, Baya danced, Blayne made JD mad with his pranks, and Blayne’s mom accused him of stealing her eyeliner. It was by no means enthralling, but I have hope that this season will get more interesting when people stop being polite…and start getting real. Please fight, please fight…please!

Spoilers after the jump.

To start this episode, Baya talks about how well she and Ryan get along, and then we see the two of them sitting there while Ryan plays guitar. We get to see more of Ryan’s wonderful singing. I particularly enjoy when he hits the high notes. He says that if anyone was his type it would be Baya, “She’s cute. She is cute. She has a rockin’ body.” And Baya finds him attractive when he plays music, because she likes horrible singers, I suppose. Ryan talks to his girlfriend about how he wants to record his music.

The roomies go to a bar owned by Pete Wentz, which I guess means that Ryan can meet industry people there. If it’s good enough for Pete Wentz…? Ryan meets a guy named Doug Newman, who is a producer for a company called Crush and is, according to Ryan, “a traffic cop in the music biz.” Wow, sounds official. Next...random shots of Baya and Ryan kind of flirting, but not really.

Later that night, Katelynn is having trouble with her boyfriend, Mike. He’s not communicating in any way. He is probably busy having a fivesome. She should just lay off in my opinion. The roommates get home, and Devyn and Katelynn are talking about her boyfriend, who apparently hasn’t called or emailed her since she’s been there. Devyn says to talk to him, but Katelynn says their relationship is about them not talking to each other about their feelings or something. Doesn’t she want to spend the rest of her life with this guy? Good luck with that...

Ignoring Devyn’s completely logical advice, Katelynn calls Mike and DOESN’T talk about what’s bothering her. He is very curt on the phone when she talks to him, and this is apparently the first time she’s talked to him since she’s been there because she told him how many roommates she has. Baya is naturally surprised that he didn’t even ask Katelynn any questions.

Luckily for me, we next get to see Scott “flirt” with Devyn by hitting her with pieces of raw meat. That’s just so sweet. Scott says he flirts with lots of girls, I assume because the camera guys asked questions about him flirting with Devyn.

Later, while talking to Devyn, Sarah predicts that within 30 days Scott will tell another housemate that he has a thing for Devyn. They make a bet on it and Sarah is very confident. Within 10 seconds of the bet she says, “That was the easiest $30 I’ve ever made.” Let’s not count our chickens before they hatch, Sarah.

Ryan, Blayne, and Baya all head to Crush Management, where the guy Ryan met works. He’s going to try to help them all out in the industry. Apparently Blayne wants to get into hosting of some sort. What kind of hosting exactly? I heard LOGO’s looking for some talented young men. The people at Crush say they might be able to give Blayne some work interviewing bands for their website. Baya has given up on her dream of dancing, and instead wants to be a DJ, and they hook her up with someone to teacher her how to do it. Doug is going to hook Ryan up with “machine,” whatever that is. I haven’t a clue. Man...no wonder so many fame-whores/wannabe celebrities come on this show. They get completely hooked up, even though they do NOTHING/aren’t talented. Greedy much, guys?

Back at the house Ryan sings a beautiful song about a girl that cheated on her husband who was in Iraq with Ryan. Mostly it sounded like “Liiiiar. Liiiiar. Please don’t lie to me anymore.”

Now we’re at some club, and Baya is getting spinning lessons. Shouldn’t she practice at home first? Don’t subject everyone to your suckiness. Katelynn gets really drunk and grinds all over a bunch of guys and then makes out with a girl. I wonder how these people will react when/if they find that out that she’s transgender. Katelynn doesn’t feel bad about it because she feels her boyfriend doesn’t care about her anyways. When Devyn suggests that maybe she should just break up with him. Katelynn replies, “Because I actually love the son of a bitch.” Ahhhh, love.

Ryan is going to play for Machine, who it turns out is a person. Blayne gives him good advice such as, “Play well today.” and “Don’t fuck it up.” Once, they’re there, Ryan talks about his life and then sings a song we wrote with his army buddies while he was wasted. The song is about tampons. Nice choice, that’ll impress Machine. Machine tells Ryan that he’s lovable, writes lovable music, but that he’s in the wrong spot. Ryan thinks that maybe he shouldn’t have played the tampon song.

When Ryan gets home, Baya runs into his room and wants to now all about his meeting with Machine and he doesn’t want to share much and is obviously upset about what happened.

We now see JD for the first time, but he doesn’t say anything, just stands in the background. Devyn has made a BFFometer for her and Scott, who just stands there as she shows it to him. I am not exactly clear what it is, but I do know it includes levels such as “Co-Pilot”, “Masseuse”, and “Dutch Oven”. Somehow this sheet of paper will determine if they can have more than a friendship, or if they’ll just be stuck in a “Dutch Oven” their whole lives. Sounds very scientific and like something a 4th grader would make.

Alex, Scott’s model friend comes to visit, and Devyn tries to dress herself up because she jealous, I mean annoyed, I apologize Devyn. The whole group goes out and Scott feels like a pimp with a model on one arm and Devyn’s boobs on the other. Devyn tells Scott he needs to date a black girl, and this confuses him. What could she mean? He just can’t understand.

Blayne likes the model enough to “give her two weeks,” but somehow she doesn’t seem to want the same. But he was so nice telling the camera that she would be worth two weeks of his life… He conspicuously walks by shirtless and pops his pecks to an aloof Alex.

Devyn is talking to her friend on the phone and tells her that she is getting mixed signals and wants Scott to “pick a side.” I think that, if pressed, Scott would pick a side that Devyn would not be too pleased about.

While out, Ryan and Baya were dancing together and out of nowhere he tells Baya to lay off since he has a girlfriend. Baya gets offended, so she goes and hangs all over Blayne, to prove she does that with all guys, I guess? Ryan later apologizes. Baya make is clear that there is nothing sexual between her and Ryan.

Scott shows Sarah a picture of a girl from back home, Marissa, who he is, apparently, very much in love with. Scott tells her that he didn’t tell anyone because it will all become clear anyway. Devyn is obviously surprised because Scott told her he was single. MTV proves it by showing the clip. Take that, Scott! Devyn wakes Scott to tell him that he is sending mixed signals to “some girls” and “some girls” might take his hugs to mean more than Scott thinks they do. “Some girls” is not a reference to herself, I’m sure.

Katelynn tries to call her boyfriend and he doesn’t answer. She hasn’t communicated with him in ages and she feels like she might have had enough. She and Sarah have a nice talk and Sarah tells Katelynn that she is being such a girl, which is a big compliment to Katelynn, natch. Katelynn then cries herself to sleep. I think that she’s too good for the guy if he’s going to be an asshole to her, personally.

Some of the roomies go to Manhattan to a bar called Matchless and Katelynn meets a guy named Matt there. She goes out on a date with the guy. Katelynn tells JD about it and we get to heard JD talk for the first time this episode. His scene lasts about 15 seconds. Katelynn’s date with Matt goes well and she finds that they are hitting it off. He’s much better looking than Mike, that’s for sure. Katelynn wants everyone’s opinion about Matt, so she brings him back to the house. At the end of that date, all Katelynn wants is to talk to Mike.

The girls are taking a pole dancing class and Ryan decides to go with them wearing 80s attire. While there, Baya and Ryan check each other out and Baya tells the camera that they flirt and Ryan writes an email to her professing his feelings. He says that he likes her but can’t do anything about it at this point in his life. He ends it with “but someday...I’m not canceling it out.” Damn. How’s Michelle my Belle going to feel about that? I know I’d be pretty damn pissed. Baya doesn’t even know how to react. Devyn reacts by telling Baya that she should make a BFFometer. We all saw how well that worked with Scott.

Core Four:

Ryan: He may suck at singing, but he’s pretty funny (not so much the tampon song), but at least he’s trying.

Katelynn: We think she should just dump her loser boyfriend. If she would just stop dwelling on that, we would like her even more.

Sarah: Though she hasn’t had any drama herself, she seems to be the go-to girl for advice, and it’s usually good.

Baya: She handled the whole Ryan situation pretty well, and we have to give her credit for that. Plus, she recognizes that Katelynn's boyfriend is ridiculous.

Poll Results Week 1 (The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik)

2009-01-22T20:22:00.005-06:00

There was a pretty clear winner in our poll last week. When asked who you most wanted to see go home on the Bachelor, over half of everyone who responded wanted Erica gone...and you all got your wish! Interestingly enough, the other two girls to go home, Kari and Natalie, were some of the lowest vote getters. No one voted for Kari, and Natalie only got one vote. I'd guessing Natalie changed a lot of people's opinions last episode though...

See the rest of the poll results after the jump.

So...who does everyone want to go home now? I definitely want to see Megan, Naomi, and Jillian gone. How about you all?

The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik (Episode 3) Recap

2009-01-21T02:23:00.009-06:00

Last week Jason threw an impromptu pool party, went oot with Jillian, passionately kissed Melissa, and kicked Raquel to the curb. This is about the time when it becomes clear who his favorites are and which girls are just biding their time until Jason rejects them. Let the tears begin.

The profuse use of expletives (and my review/recap) begins after the jump.

We start with a review of the last episode...Jason kissed a bunch of people, the girls got bitchy, and some crazies went home. So um, pretty much exactly what we’ll see on all of the episodes, I’m guessing. If the previews are any indication, this episode is going to have lots and lots of Rose Ceremony drama, so uh, let’s get to it!

Chris Harrison, who honestly, should be allowed to showcase his sense of humor more...or at all, starts up by telling the girls there will be a group date and two 1-on-1 dates, all of which will have roses. So...if the 1-on-1 girls don’t get roses, they’re gone. Not all girls get a date again this week.

Chris Harrison then gives them the first date box and it’s for...Stephanie! “Come play with me. J”. Kinky. Stephanie is unshockingly excited. Megan is super upset, because she was SURE she was going to get the first 1-on-1 date, although I’m really not sure why she thought that at all. Because she’s self-absorbed, perhaps?

We hear Stephanie talking about her husband dying...again. We get it. It was tragic. Then she talks about her daughter, whose birthday it is. In the limo on the way to the date, she tries to call her daughter to wish her a happy birthday, but is only able to leave a message. Oh, and apparently Stephanie’s dead husband approves of Jason becoming Sophia’s daddy. Okay. Thanks for that news, John Edwards (not THAT one, the psychic John Edwards). I respectfully disagree that he would approve, and think we would like her to find love off of national TV.

They start their date on the beach, and Stephanie does a cartwheel, because it would impress her daughter when she watches. Uh, please tell me her daughter isn’t going to be watching the show. “So...this is mommy competing with a bunch of other girls to win you a daddy!” Stephanie and Jason talk about how hard it is for Stephanie being away from her daughter, especially on her birthday. Oooh...the foreshadowing. Stephanie talks about how Sophia might get a role model and daddy out of this, which seems kind of...super intense to me. Uh...let’s slow things down a little sweetheart. It’s your first date...

All of a sudden Jason’s all “what’s that?” and Stephanie turns around and it’s Sophia. They run towards each other and Sophia kind of...head butts Stephanie. Other than that, it’s a pretty sweet moment. Stephanie and Sophia frolic on the beach and in the water and Jason tears up while watching...awww. Sophia’s pretty dang cute, just saying. Jason agrees with me.

Jason says the moment is “magical” and that they were “the happiest tears he could have ever felt”. Awww...it’s like Jason has a vagina! And um, I’m an ass. The three of them look like a cute little family together/Stephanie and Jason just met a week ago.

Next they take Sophia to Legoland as a birthday treat, and apparently they have the whole park to themselves. I’m kind of jealous...or at least the 4 year old version of me is. They go on a bunch of rides and play and all that, with Sophia looking super adorable in this little pink princess dress. They look like a cute little family, and Jason tells the camera about how much Ty would get along with Sophia. Unlike most children, Sophia and Ty both like playing, toys, and trying new things. Wow, those are some special kids you got there. They would not have fit in with me as a child. I was mostly morose and I loved doing algorithms. Stephanie tells the camera how awesome of a family they’d be. Once again...slow down there.

Stephanie and Jason talk (while Sophia plays in a water park) about the role that Ty’s stepmom would have in Ty’s life, and Jason thinks Stephanie understands that Ty doesn’t need a mom. Then, yay, more talk about the dead husband. And Stephanie apparently wants a man she can take care of. Ick. She might have well told Jason that she has her apron pressed and waiting. Okay, now she talks about a husband and wife should meet each others’ needs and take care of each other, which is way less 1950’s housewife sounding, thank god.

Back to the girl at the mansion...Shannon, Naomi, Melissa, Kari, Jillian, Nikki, Erica, and Megan get invited on a group date “Let’s get busted for a good cause”. Oooh, are they going to prison? Molly, Lauren, and Natalie are the only ones who haven’t gotten dates yet this episode. Which one will get the 1-on-1? Oh, the mystery! Or we already saw in the previews. (Spoiler alert...it’s Natalie). But yeah...

Returning to the Jason/Stephanie/Sophia date....Jason grabs a lego rose (how cute), and tells Stephanie and Sophia what a great time he had, and offers Stephanie the rose. Stephanie thinks that they’re moving towards falling in love. Sophia agrees that it was the most awesome birthday in the whole wide world. Well I mean, it wasn’t Disney World, but okay. Sophia’s wearing like...her forth outfit of the day now. I like this kid.

Now we get even more talk about the dead husband. Man, I feel like a jerk saying this, but I’m soooo over the dead husband. Anyway, they put Sophia in the limo and away she goes. Stephanie didn’t get ANY alone time with Jason. Hmmm.

Now it’s the “sexy date” time with Erica, Jillian, Kari, Megan, Melissa, Naomi, and Shannon.

We see the girls at home, and Molly and Natalie are glad they didn’t have the group date because the other girls are annoying. Well, fair enough, honestly.

Jason wants to surprise the girls, and surprise them he does by taking them to some sort of...bust gallery. They’re going to make chest molds of themselves, paint them, and auction them off for breast cancer awareness. Pretty cool, but um, who’d want these girls’ busts?

Jason takes off his shirt (not complaining at all) and the girls lube him up. It’s like some sort of kinky orgy. Interesting. Shannon makes creepy stalker comments to the camera. Then they make a cast of Jason. Next the girls go behind colored light panels and strip, kind of like...strippers. Jillian thinks it’s empowering...being naked I guess? I think that’s what she said at least...I was distracted by her annoyingness. The girls get all molded up, and Jason comes back and helps with the end of the process. The girls are very excited. Shannon asks Jason to put plaster on her body so that she can, I dunno, smell his hair and stare at him. Megan wants to stand in public and be casted to help others. Who would she help by doing that...horny homeless guys?

Kari talks about how her stepsister Ginger was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, and how this event and Jason’s choice to do this means a lot to her. Can’t really mock that. Jason keeps his shirt off the whole time they paint for no reason whatsoever, not that I’m complaining.

Megan wants to make a beaded fetus on her bust, because fetuses "feed off of breasts”. (Does she mean babies? Because well, fetuses feed off the umbilical cord, but whatever). Then she goes about how the other girls are as shallow as a kiddy pool and “don’t understand half of her depth or where it comes from”. Um...no...we all see your depth. And compared to your depth, a kiddy pool looks like the middle of the freaking Pacific Ocean.

Megan ponders how “screwed” our future will be if everyone has breast cancer and can’t breast feed their kids. Right. What? Everyone’s going to have breast cancer? And does formula not exist in this everyone-has-breast-cancer world?

Jason is impressed by all the girls on the date...which is weird, because I’m not impressed by any of them. Anyway, they move up to some loft/apartment area so he can give out the rose, as he says, to someone who has opened up to him in a way he hasn’t seen before.

Alone time begins with Jason and Melissa. She says she’s overly harsh on herself. Then she tells Jason her secret, which is that she had a breast reduction when she was 17 because her bra size was something that sounded like 20FF, but I’m pretty sure it must have been 28FF, because well, 20 doesn’t seem possible. Jason immediately looks down at her chest, which is a pretty natural reaction. Heck, I’m a straight girl and I did it too. Jason asks if she can imagine what her cast would have looked like and I have a feeling that he was trying. And then she says “I got my Yiayia’s boobs”. Wait...is she Greek? I knew I loved this girl! And man, Jason has a thing for Greek girls. We ARE pretty amazing.

Shannon talks about how she doesn’t know how to talk to Jason. Yeah...we noticed.

Megan and Jason now...Jason thinks she was quiet today. She says she lives her life to serve other people. And that she’s a role model to young girls and doesn’t make any money doing it. What the frick does she do? Who would want to look up to her? This episode is FULL of mysteries. Now she says how hard it’s been not doing anything for other people since coming on the show, and not to not have anyone “thank me, or appreciate me, or praise God that I’m in their life”. Good lord. Someone needs to slap this girl, or, better yet, punch her in the face. Jason somehow thinks his time with Megan was good today, so I guess he might not have been paying attention.

Erica talks about how she’s a way better fit for Jason than Megan, which might or might not be true, since honestly, they’re both horrible.

Nikki is disappointed that this is her second group date with Jason, not a 1-on-1. Jason and Nikki talk about how she’s a perfectionist, and how art was an outlet for her. She repeats “I loved it” and he says “That’s cool” a lot. Then they have nothing else to say and it’s all awkward. I guess it was hard for her to have a non-scripted conversation. Then Jason’s like um, this is ridiculously boring...I’m outta here. But he’s a bit nicer about it than that.

Back to the girls at the mansion...time for another date box! It’s for Natalie and says, “Wear your best dress and I’ll do the rest. J.” Why does he sign his notes like that? Do any of them call him J? Anyway, Natalie’s excited and the other girls are disappointed.

Back to the group date, and Shannon and Melissa talk about how Shannon’s not like herself tonight. I saw creepy stalkerness, though, so I think she’s being pretty normal.

Jillian and Jason have a jumping high contest. They talk about some crap, and I don’t really care what they’re saying. Jillian continues to annoy me with her personality, the way she says about, and her faux deepness. Love is what marriage is about, that’s novel. Although...apparently the ring and marriage certificate don’t matter at all, which is confusing, because uh, why get married? Jason finds her easy to talk to though.

Then the girls go and look at their busts. They all ooh and ahh appropriately. Naomi’s boobs are lopsided and her waist is bigger, but she doesn’t mind because it’s going to a good cause. Sure. Hers is butt ugly anyways. It looks like she took 3 minutes to make it.

Shannon is upset she didn’t get 1-on-1 time with Jason. Then she hugs him creepily. Megan is vehemently embarrassed for her. So you’re mad that she’s embarrassing herself? You should be glad that someone else is awkward.

Jason goes to get the rose, and he’s nervous about who to give it to. He never got a rose on a group date, so I guess that’s encouraging to some of them, because he was in the final two. Anyway, he gives the rose to Jillian, and I want to stab my eyes oot. So...that’s two group date roses that go to Jillian. I think we’ve got a frontrunner boys and girls. And uh, I can’t stand her. Megan’s upset, because well, when isn’t she?

Nikki knows she’s smart and pretty and modest, wait, scratch the modest part. But she says being pretty and smart isn’t enough, because you have to be funny and natural too. Not a bad idea Nikki.

Jason says he invited Natalie on the date because she’s hot and fun, but he wants to find out who she truly is inside, or some crap like that.

He shows up all fancied up, and Natalie is still trying on shoes. Jason sits down, to show the viewers at home that Natalie is taking forever. Shannon thinks Natalie is different from the other girls because she’s materialistic and insecure. And she thinks she’ll go home.

Then Natalie comes down, and they tell each other how great they look. And Jason, knowing “Natalie is really into fashion”, brings her $1,000,000 worth of diamonds to wear on the date. That lucky bitch. The other girls don’t even try to hide their jealousy. Nikki talks about how Natalie isn’t ready to be a wife and stepmom, because she likes to dress up, I guess. And look pretty. Umm, isn’t Nikki a beauty queen?

Now Natalie and Jason are heading somewhere in a limo, and Natalie says her fantasy date was fulfilled last time by shopping and trying things on. Well, maybe Nikki DOES have somewhat of a point. Anyway, Jason and Natalie arrive at a jet, which they’re taking to Las Vegas. Natalie, who looks extra orange when she’s on the jet, is super excited to be there. Obviously.

The girls back at the mansion say that what Jason decides to do will reveal something about his personality. Um don’t all of his choices do that?

Back to the date, Jason and Natalie land and as they step off the jet, Natalie sees a helicopter and wonders if it's for them. I wonder if she’s ever seen the show before. Natalie gropes Jason’s leg, and he grabs her hand to either guide her, or prevent her from sexually molesting him. The camera pans away, so we never get to figure out which. Jason admires the view and Natalie admires her diamonds in the helicopter window.

Now they’re in Vegas, and they admire Natalie’s diamonds more. Natalie wants to elope and not tell anyone...and then still have Jason date a bunch of other girls? K. If I were her, I wouldn’t even tell Jason.

They go into the casino, and Jason feels special to be with a super hot chick. Jason looks forward to finding out the deeper side to Natalie, if it even exists. Jason asks Natalie what she likes to do besides shopping and clothes and sports, and she says “I love bears”. Jason looks understandably confused. She talks about her old stuffed bear but then gets confused mid-sentence. Jason says he wishes conversations with her were better. Yeah...so do I. Natalie talks about how she’s ready to settle down, but Jason doesn’t really believe her. Or might not. I don’t know. Jason isn’t either, and doesn’t know if he’ll give her a rose. I’m pretty sure he’s torn between keeping Natalie because she’s hot, or getting rid of her because that’s the only reason to keep her.

Back at the mansion, the girls discuss how Jason and Natalie are physically attracted to each other. A lot of them think that Natalie will come home. I kind of hope she does. I mean...I like bears too! And I have this awesome story about leaving my bear in a store that I could tell you about...

Anyway, Jason and Natalie talk about what she liked best on their date, and she says, “The most surreal moment was when we were in the helicopter and seeing all those things created by nature – the Hoover Dam, the Red Rocks”. Whoa. The Hoover Dam...created by nature. Jason laughs, but Jason’s favorite part was seeing Natalie see the diamonds for the first time. Natalie says that she really really really likes him now.

Now it’s time for ANOTHER awkward private performance, this time by Kate Voegele. Or something. Natalie and Jason dance, and Jason doesn’t seem to be enjoying himself too much. She’s going home. He seems awkward. Natalie wants to kiss Jason, but he doesn’t want to. Okay, so yeah...going home.

Jason picks up the rose, which seems kind of crappy, considering he’s not giving it to her. Jason talks about all of Natalie’s amazing qualities, but says he can’t give her the rose because he didn’t feel something that night. Maybe he doesn’t like bears? Yeah, he says they don’t have enough in common, so it definitely IS the bears thing. Natalie says she’s sick of being stereotyped because of her appearance Jason says “Your appearance is why it’s impossible to not be attracted to you, “ and Natalie’s all “I know that too”. Okay then.

Quick shot of the mansion, where the guys come into take Natalie’s bags and some of the girls are way too bitchily excited about it.

Haha, okay, Natalie calls Jason out on picking up the rose before rejecting her. That’s funny. And then they take the jewels back, because they couldn’t possibly wait to do that till after she’s done being rejected. Natalie talks about how mean the other girls were in the house. Fair enough, but she just sounds petty. Eh, it’s just awkward and uncomfortable.

We see a shot of Nikki talking about how ecstatic she is that Natalie is gone. She sounds like a total bitch. This is interspersed with Natalie’s words of wisdom, “He’s an idiot. He’s probably intimidated by me. I mean, like, just because he’s Jason. What did he want me to do be like, ‘Ah, oh, Jason!’ I’m not mad. I just think it’s odd. I don’t mean to sound conceited, but sh*t, like, I mean I’ve got a lot going on. I’m super attractive. If you don’t feel a connection with me, like, who do you think you are, God? F*ck you, Jason.” I think that’s all that needs to be said. Okay, I was completely wrong about Natalie, I fully admit that.

Now it’s Rose Ceremony night. Nikki, Erica, and Megan are super happy that Natalie went home. Shannon and Lauren seem to be bothered by their behavior in regards to that, which definitely makes me like them more.

Jason apparently took Natalie’s last words about some of the girls being horrible to heart, because he’s going to try to get to the bottom of it with a full-fledged bachelorette investigation.

Naomi has a crush on Jason, but doesn’t know how to tell him how she feels. Maybe tell him about the kissing length competition thing! Jason asks Naomi if there are people who aren’t in it for the right reasons. Naomi doesn’t rat anyone out and doesn’t want to talk about it, which I respect. Naomi is going on about her ex-boyfriend, and I dunno, her voice annoys the hell out of me. Then they kiss. Unfortunately, I don’t think Naomi will be going home. When Naomi comes back, the other girls comment on her missing some of her lipstick, and Nikki gets worried that others have been more intimate with him than her.

Nikki and Jason time now...she wants a kiss. Nikki wants to keep the tone light and show her fun side, so she talks about her mouthwash. Nailed it! She then goes in for the most awkward kiss beginning known to man. Jason has to actually reach out and like, guide her mouth to his. They make out, but like seriously, the start of it was maybe the most awkward kiss ever. I was dying laughing so hard. Oh god. So funny.

Jillian is talking about getting roses, and her Canadian accent is out full force. Horrible. She says the words ‘again’ and ‘process’ in a very annoying manner.

Now Erica is talking to him about how she doesn’t like not getting a rose on dates. Well, duh, who does like that? And how she’s happy to be there. Then she asks him if he just checked out her boobs. Oookay. Awkward. Jason claims he was just looking at the color of her dress. Whatever...she had her boobs out there.

Now Jason grabs Molly to talk to, and she says that she’s getting butterflies around him. Then she says it would be very typical of her to fall in love in this sort of fashion. So um, on a reality TV show? Cool. Jason again talks about what Natalie told him, and then they kiss again. Which of the girls hasn’t he kissed?

Now Molly goes back to the girls, and says that Natalie was name dropping girls who were not there for the right reasons or whatever cliché we’re going with this season. Which I’m pretty sure isn’t true, although I don’t think Molly realizes that. All the other girls seem upset. Molly actually seems to understand why Natalie said some stuff when she was upset, but Megan claims she “would gracefully bow out”, which I find hard to believe given her reaction when the girls voted her out in the first episode. Shannon seems particularly upset by pretty much everything...because she’s crazy

Then Shannon gets sick, I think, although they’re nice enough to not make us watch. And then Jason takes her away to talk. And then Shannon starts to cry. Awesome. She’s upset that she’s not getting the time with Jason. Oohhhh, and she’s talking about last season seeing him with Deanna, which is the scene we saw in the previews the first episode. I thought Shannon must have made it to the episode where Deanna appears, but maybe not. Hmmm. Anyway, Shannon goes on all super creepy on him, like usual. Can that girl have a normal conversation? Jason, though, likes that he can tell Shannon is being real. True enough, because why would you fake that craziness?

Now Jason and Stephanie talk about what a great time they had on their date with Sophia. Stephanie says she wants to take it to the next level, asks him to close his eyes, kisses him on both cheeks, then the forehead, then lets him open his eyes, and says she’s feeling like she can love again, and then they kiss. Just a little kiss, but yeah. Stephanie seems to have super intense feelings for him.

Lauren is annoyed with all the girls, because they’re ridiculous catty. And she’s very right. Lauren and Jason go off to talk, and Megan’s getting paranoid. Lauren tells Jason that Erica and Megan are drama queens and kind of awful people. I’m liking Lauren more and more. Megan thinks/knows that Lauren told Jason about her, so she’s super pissed. When isn’t Megan pissed on the show?

Now the dashing Chris Harrison comes in to go off and talk with Jason. Wait...is that it? Why did they make it seem so much more dramatic? Oh, wait, more is still coming up.

Jason and Chris Harrison talk about what Natalie said, and what Lauren said, and Jason thinks that Lauren is telling the truth. And she is. Please please please send Erica and Megan home! Uh, I wouldn’t mind Naomi going either. Jason seems pretty confused about everything, and the drama isn’t making things easier.

Chris Harrison is back with the ladies and calls Jason out. Chris Harrison opens the Rose Ceremony up to like...a group discussion, to help build more drama. Oh that rascally Chris Harrison. I love it. Erica and Nikki act all shocked, claiming they all get along great besides Natalie. Megan agrees, except she’s sooo surprised to hear that people are talking trash about her, which makes her feel like “she’s needs to be a bitch”. Lauren calls the girls out, saying that the other girls were being bitchy when talking about Natalie, so maybe they shouldn’t act so high and mighty. The girls all claim they weren’t “bashing who she was”. Riiiight. Lauren doesn’t like the whole...public panel thing. Megan doesn’t seem to mind, though, because well, she looooves her some drama. As Lauren and Megan fight, Shannon leaves the room saying, “I hate it here.” And we see the girls standing around awkwardly as we hear puking noises and the sound of a toilet flushing. What a nice touch, guys. Jason then goes after Shannon to make sure she’s okay.

Proving Lauren wrong, Megan says to the camera, “Shannon, why can’t you just embrace why you’re here? Why can’t you just have fun? But instead she’s like, ‘This sucks. This is so hard.’ That’s all I hear out of her f*cking mouth, and I’m like, ‘you ungrateful, selfish, self-absorbed, high-maintenance piece-of-sh*t.” But don’t worry, she has assured Jason that she doesn’t make catty remarks about the other girls. Uhhh...please, please, please, send Megan home.

Anyway, all the girls are nervous, basically. And Shannon comes back. I feel bad for the girl, honestly.

Onto the roses. Stephanie and Jillian already have roses, so they have nothing to worry about.

The roses go to...

Molly (Talented Kisser): Don’t care too much about her, but she’s grown on me this week.

Lauren (Tattletale): She’s definitely improved in my book.

Melissa (Double F’s): Good decision, Jason.

Naomi (Bitch): Ick.

Shannon (Ol’ Voms A Lot): I hope she brushed her teeth before she accepted that rose.

Nikki (Anal-Retentive): She’ll put that rose next to her toothbrush, but only if it’s facing north at a 60 degree angle.]

Now it’s the final rose, which means it’s down to Kari (who’s had about 30 seconds of screen time total on all three episodes) and the two drama queens (Megan and Erica). Pleeeeeease give the rose to Kari. I’m pretty much begging here.

And the final rose goes to...
Megan (Potty Mouth): Oh Jason. How you disappoint me. Eh, at least Erica’s gone! Megan can’t be far behind...right? Oooh...and the drama she’ll have with Lauren.

This means Erica and Kari are leaving us. Erica can go jump off a cliff after she leaves for all I care, but Kari seemed nice. It’s not that surprising though, because we didn’t see much of her. Kari talks about how she came for Jason, and thinks that she should have been flirtier early on, I think. Erica’s upset, and yeah, acts like Erica.

Next week: The girls can’t sing, they visit the set of General Hospital, Shannon is creepy, and Jason possibly gets rid of one more girl than he’s supposed to. How many go home next week? Because I really want Megan, Jillian, and Naomi gone...

Core Four:

It's getting harder and harder to find four of these girls we actually like...

Melissa: She's wasn't really featured, but she continued to seem less shallow than one might think.

Lauren: The fact that she was disgusted by all the cattiness definitely made us like Lauren more.

Molly: We're not loving her, but we're not hating her either...and with this group, that's good enough.

Stephanie: She, Jason, and Sophia made a cute family. We think they'd be even cuter if Ty was there.

**Sorry this took so long, but Kristen had technical difficulties and we both spent far too long watching CNN. Exciting day today.**

Quick Note About Our Bachelor Recap (Episode 3)

2009-01-20T09:21:00.001-06:00

Just a quick note to let you know that we'll get our recap up later today (Tuesday). Normally we'll be getting it up late Monday night/early Tuesday morning, but we're running a little behind. Martin Luther King Day messed us up...getting the day off and all that. SOME of us missed seeing the episode (coughKRISTENcough) because they have trouble telling their days apart when they get days off. Just saying. But come back later tonight, and it'll definitely be here. Oh, and a new poll question will be going up today too. Sorry for the delay!

There's nothing after the jump...

Told ya.

Cast of Survivor: Tocantins (Season 18) Revealed

2009-01-16T01:21:00.016-06:00

The cast of Survivor: Tocantins has finally been revealed! Who's excited? Uh, us, obviously. They have photos, bios, and videos up to help you get to know the new cast of Survivor. In case you don't want to read all their bios or sit through the videos, we did it for you. Here are our thoughts on all the Survivors...we can only assume you'll agree! (By the way, we deserve some sort of medal for watching all the "Meet the Survivor" videos. We had to watch so many Katy Perry commercials that it could be considered torture.) Anyway, Survivor: Tocantins starts on Thursday, February 12th, so get ready!

Meet the cast (and see our analysis) after the jump.

Benjamin "Coach" Wade (37)
Hometown: Bolivar, Mo.
Occupation: Soccer Coach

Kristen: Benjamin needs a haircut, and thinks he’s a genius musician. He’s not very modest, and seems like he’d tell anyone who will listen (or who won’t) about his 6-month-long solo kayak trip to Colombia.

Alissa: Okay...well...hate the hair and tattoos. In this bio he mentions he’s had a lot of animal attacks/close calls. Does this just mean he’s super adventurous, or does it mean that he sucks at being adventurous? Wait...didn’t he say he had two parts to his personality...and then went on to describe three? He’s definitely lacking the math part. His cockiness is pretty annoying.

Brendan Synnott (30)
Hometown: New York, N.Y.
Occupation: Entrepreneur

Kristen: This douchebag loved being an entrepreneur. He’s super excited to be in a “far-off land”. I can see this guy’s cockiness being his downfall.

Alissa: He's kind of cute, but comes across kind of douchey. His competitive nature could serve him well, but his cockiness might be a concern. He definitely seems to recognize multiple sides to the game, and if he can pay attention to them, he might do well. Or become overly cocky and screw himself over.

Candace Smith (31)
Hometown: Dayton, Ohio
Occupation: Attorney

Kristen: She went to Northwestern Law School, and then went on to use her degree to win Miss Ohio USA. Her boobs are gigantic, and she will use her looks to further her in the game, shocking.

Alissa: Athlete, beauty queen, model, Northwestern law school graduate...impressive. I like her honesty about how her looks will affect the game. Because well, they will. Wow, she has big boobs. She needs a better bikini top...one with support. How do you run in that?

Carolina Eastwood (26)
Hometown: West Hollywood, Calif.
Occupation: Bartender

Kristen: Grew up without electricity, so maybe she has a leg up on other people. Her ditzy voice will probably get old though.

Alissa: She grew up without electricity and with an outhouse? Well...she should be okay with the whole roughing it thing, right? I like people who recognize what they have and how lucky they are. But she refers to this as “...a huge challenge for myself”. Okay, I know I’m nitpicking, but that is definitely not grammatically correct.

Debra "Debbie" Beebee (46)
Hometown: Auburn, Ala.
Occupation: Middle School Principal

Kristen: “Life is grand!” She thinks being an older contestant is going to be an advantage. Has she seen this show before? How is she going to react when her roots grow out? So many questions…

Alissa: “Also known as Bubbles”? Huh. I’m sure it’s great that she trained along Olympic athletes, but I mean, Crystal was a frickin’ Olympic Gold Medalist, and we all saw how good she was. Maybe it’ll be different with Bubbles here. She looks good for 46, but being older doesn’t usually help in the game.

Erinn Lobdell (26)
Hometown: Waukesha, Wis.
Occupation: Hairstylist

Kristen: She works at a high end salon… in Milwaukee. Wow, she must be good. Somehow her job is going to help in Survivor. I’ll believe it when I see it. P.S. Learnn to spell your ownn nname, thannks.

Alissa: Erinn with two n’s....really? She’s fairly cute though and nothing about her appearance bugs me, so we’ll see. “She’ll be dumb like a fox”? What does that even mean? A focus on people skills is definitely a good thing, as long as she has a good strategy too.

Jerry Sims (49)
Hometown: Rock Hill, SC
Occupation: Sgt. – U.S. Army

Kristen: Jerry’s one of 11 kids, so he should probably be able to get along in a group well. He’s mentioned his military background a lot (he’s in the National Guard), we’ll see.

Alissa: Being a leader and a fan of the whole team thing is good, but he might be a little controlling. No one likes that. He definitely thinks he looks good for his age. Oookay. Why does everyone claim they’re SO different from the others? They're all different because, uh, they’re not the same people?

Joe Dowdle (26)
Hometown: Austin, Texas
Occupation: Real Estate Sales

Kristen: I can’t really think of anything to say about him because I’m distracted by his big cross necklace. I can tell you he’s from Texas and uhhh… that means he tells it like it is?

Alissa: I noticed the cross right away. Will his religion affect his game? “He intends to constantly look for alliances and win challenges, all while staying just below the radar”. I feel like that’s a lot harder than it sounds...and it doesn’t sound easy.

James "JT" Thomas Jr. (24)
Hometown: Samson, Ala.
Occupation: Cattle Rancher

Kristen: JT is a hick. His plan seems to be to blend. I hope he can reign in his accent, because that sticks out like a sore thumb. He seems nicely earnest, but I don’t know how well his strategy will serve him.

Alissa: He’s a cattle rancher! I love it! Ya know...for someone who claims he gets fired up when his intelligence is insulted, playing the dumb hillbilly strategy might not be the best idea. He seems to think no one else has experience with the outdoors. It’s Survivor. What kind of people does he think apply? Well, actually, I’m sure tons of fame whores do, but I mean, also outdoorsy types, right?

Sandy Burgin (53)
Hometown: Louisville, Ky.
Occupation: Bus Driver

Kristen: Another bus driver? Wasn’t that mulleted Denise's job? Her plan is to be on a winning team, good plan, Sandy, good plan.

Alissa: They have a couple older people on this one. Fishing and building skills might be good, but if she lacks physical prowess, it might not matter. And a moose tattoo? Really? She’s right that being older is going to make her a target. Being on the winning team is great and all, but how do you plan to arrange for that one, sweetheart?

Sierra Reed (23)
Hometown: Los Angeles, Calif.
Occupation: Model

Kristen: Is an ugly-looking model, who seems as though she might be getting over a crack addiction based on her behavior. I’m having trouble understanding what she’s saying, some thing about iron butterfly?

Alissa: And here we have model #2. She sure likes to use her hands when she talks. It’s pretty annoying. As is her voice. Doing her research was a good idea. Oh God...if she thinks Ozzie played the game the best, she’s in trouble. She doesn’t seem to have the killer instinct. Wait...she’s going to make this to the “bottom five”? Does she mean top 5? I’m confused.

Spencer Duhm (19)
Hometown: Lakeland, Fla.
Occupation: Student

Kristen: He’s 19 and the youngest survivor ever. He seems pretty riled up and excited, like he’s just had 5 espressos. Either his youthful enthusiasm will help him, or hinder him, we’ll see.

Alissa: Awww, he’s so young. How cute. And is he gay? He looks kind of gay. (Score one for me. Totally right about that.) Being a big survivor fan could be interesting. Hopefully it means he’ll be good at strategy. Oh oh oh oh. He’s a Cubs fan. I totally love him. He’s right about needing to fall back. No one’s going to want to listen to a 19 year old.

Stephen Fishbach (29)
Hometown: New York, N.Y.
Occupation: Corporate Consultant

Kristen: Stephen thinks he’s going to be the geeky one, and I agree with him. He’s got a JT strategy going, blend into the background. This better not be a boring season.

Alissa: He’s defintiely kind of nerdy. That might work out well, if people underestimate him. Of course, for them to do that, he actually has to be good. Manipulating others to do what you want isn’t a bad strategy, as long as you can claim credit if you make it to the Final Tribal Council.

Sydney Wheeler (24)
Hometown: Raleigh, N.C.
Occupation: Model

Kristen: Seems pretty bland. She seems like someone that will coast for a while, but is neither smart enough to get to the end, nor strong enough to do well a challenges.

Alissa: Our third model? Oooh...model competition! It’ll be like ANTM...but with less makeup and hair products. Honestly, other than her looks, I’m not sure what else she has going for her in the game. She might be able to get by for a while, but I don’t see her making it to the end.

Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (37)
Hometown: Nashville, Tenn.
Occupation: Former Pop Star

Kristen: She’s a “trick-of-all-trades”. She thinks people might recognize her from her singing group… that I’ve never heard of, or for her husband, a Heisman winner. OK, all her money will go to a foundation, lame.

Alissa: Former pop star? Am I supposed to know who she is? “Trick of all trades”? I think she means jack of all trades? She really thinks people will recognize her? I dunno about that. Wait, and “pritzy”? Prissy? Uh huh. She definitely seems like she’s strong (mentally and physically), so that could help her on the game.

Tyson Apostol (29)
Hometown: Lindon, Utah
Occupation: Professional Cyclist

Kristen: Tyson has spent time as a missionary in the Philippines, so I guess he’s used to tropical weather? He also tells us he’s charmingly arrogant. Oxymoron much? He’s a professional cyclist, so I’m guessing he’s pretty good at physical challenges.

Alissa: Haha, a BYU dropout who plans to lie his way through the game? I love it! “In addition to, as he describes it, "looking awesome," his favorite hobbies are exercising and sunbathing”. Wow. He says some people don’t like him at first because he purposely pushes people’s buttons? That’s so weird. Why wouldn’t people like that?

So, what do you all think of the cast? Any early favorites? Anyone you know you're going to hate? Predictions on who will go far?

Real World: Brooklyn (Episode 2) Recap

2009-01-15T16:39:00.008-06:00

Last week on the Real World we met the eight strangers who were picked to live in a house, have their lives taped, and find out what happens when they stop being polite and start getting real. JD was cool. Ryan was homophobic, Baya was nothing, Scott had abs, and Katelynn didn’t tell her roommates she was transgender. This episode is called “The Outs and Ins of Brooklyn” so I can only assume Katelynn will reveal that’s she transgender to more of the housemates.

Spoilers after the jump.

To start the episode Blayne finds lube and an XL condom in JD’s stuff and proceeds to ask JD all sorts of questions about his sex life. I’m pretty sure Blayne’s just trying to see JD’s penis...because you know, he’s straight. JD tells Blayne that he is not his boyfriend, and Blayne is secretly hurt. After their exchange, Blayne continues to obsess about the size of JD’s penis. Suuure you’re not gay.

Sarah is doing Katelynn’s hair. They apparently get along really well, and Katelynn tells her that she’s transgender. Sarah doesn’t see it as a big deal. She’s very supportive, which makes me like her more. No surprises there.

We hear a doorbell ring and Ryan yells that someone should answer it. It is then revealed that it is actually an alarm clock that Ryan is holding and then proceeds to send JD on a wild goose chase as they try to determine who is there all while Ryan and Blayne yell for them to answer it with increasing exasperation.

“So, the lame bus just pulled into our kitchen and dropped off yet another discussion.” Wow, discussions, that must suck, Ryan. Sarah shoots of crap about how there should be a modern Renaissanst, whatever that is, and something about Egyptians, while Ryan looks on in disgust. We also get little gems such as Katelynn’s, “the polytheists knew how to get down” and “everyone wants to save the porpoises, no one gives a shit about the tuna.” The discussion ends with Sarah and Katelynn deciding they should teach a class and write a book.

In the next showing of the housemates’ maturity, someone put a banana in a condom in the fish tanks, killing all the fish. Speculation indicates that it was either Blayne, or Ryan and Blayne. JD is very pissed about this because it means Blayne must have been going through is things. I agree that it is not that funny, but perhaps someone is inordinately upset about this. Sarah, JD, and Devyn decide Sarah should lecture Blayne about it.

Blayne doesn’t take this confrontation very well and calls the rest of the housemates judgmental, and that’s coming from the Mormon. He says he didn’t go through any of JD’s stuff and that the condom was his own (couldn’t JD tell that wasn’t an XL?). I think Blayne is probably telling the truth because we saw no clips of this happening. That just seems like something the producers would want to show. The two of them end the argument in agreement, I guess, but they both still seem pissed off.

Now we move on to Baya, Katelynn, and Sarah going to an Afro-Caribbean dance class. Shots of Baya dancing well and Sarah and Katelynn looking terribly awkward follow. Is it just me, or is this episode kind of boring?

On the way back from the dance class, Katelynn comes out as transgender to Baya. Three down, four to go. Katelynn tells them that she has no intention of ever telling Blayne and Ryan. For some reason they think that they’re immature and would make tasteless jokes. Why would they think that?

Baya has decided to audition at the Hip Hop Dance Conservatory. She’s trying to get everything in order, and is all stressed about it, and she’s nervous because she feels like is not experienced enough. Ryan is also feeling nervous about auditioning and says, “Dude, I don’t have a chance in hell of making it on that dance team. You...kinda do.” I liked that.

In another example of Blayne not being gay, he wears eyeliner for the housemate trip to the gay area of NYC. Blayne laments that he gets hit on by gay guys all the time, wonder why?

While at the gay bar Ryan looks extremely uncomfortable but when JD offers Ryan $100 to dance with the drag queen, Miss Peppermint, he accepts. When he doesn’t dance at all, they change the bet to a kiss on the cheek. When he gets a lip full instead, the roommate flips out and Ryan looks horrified. Ryan proceeds to brush his teeth 5 times.

The roomies are happy for Ryan that he’s opening up. Ryan calls his girlfriend and tells her they need to talk. He tells her that he kissed someone and after she tells Ryan she hates him, he tells her that it was a drag queen.

Time for Baya’s audition. Baya gets put on the spot with questions by Safi, the drill-sergeant dance instructor. She felt like she wasn’t in tune with the music and didn’t do well. Based on all the “fun” they had at the audition, she’d probably be lucky not to get in.

Now Blayne’s family is visiting...his mom, sisters, and brother. They’re all very Aryan. They think it’s “way cool” that JD is a dolphin trainer. Later on in the car Blayne and Ryan tell Blayne’s mom that he’s gay and she remarks, “Well that’s why he’s so nice!” During her tearful departure, she reminds Blayne not to wear eyeliner again.

It ends up that Baya did get in to the Hip Hop Dance Conservatory, but decided not to do it. Good decision.

JD comes home shitfaced from a bar ranting about people who don’t speak English at the drugstore he went to. He tried to get chapstick and the lady thought he wanted cigarettes. Blayne calls him rude, and that’s definitely something coming from Blayne. Blayne got upset that JD was being rude to an immigrant and a fight ensued. JD ends the fight with, “Go read your Bible. Goodnight.” The next day Blayne decides to let JD go for it because he was drunk at the time of the incident.

JD hooks Baya up with a choreographer he knows. Baya looks like she feels more comfortable and happy in this environment.

JD opens up to Blayne about his childhood. He’s the youngest of five, and all of them have different fathers. JD was the only one to graduate from high school and go college. They share a nice, bonding moment that closes off the episode.

So, this was not exactly the most exciting episode of the Real World I’ve ever seen. Hopefully, things will get more dramatic soon because I can only watch so much of Blayne’s pranks and Baya dancing in a studio. Maybe we’ll even see the mysterious eigth roommate, the elusive Scott. I, personally, don’t think he even exists.

Core Four:
This week we had an easier time thinking of our Core Four. Maybe these attention whores are growing on us.

Sarah: She seems to get along with everyone, and she handled Katelynn coming out to her really well. Plus, despite our general dislike for people covered in tattoos, we think she's pretty okay.

Ryan: He may have come across homophobic last week, but this week he seems more open minded. We definitely appreciated that. Plus he’s funny.

Baya: She hasn’t really done anything controversial, but it’s nice to see someone actually pursue their dreams while on the show instead of hoping they’ll fall in their lap.

JD: Even if he is a slurring drunk who hates on immigrants, he’s probably the most likable of the housemates, scary, huh?

The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik (Episode 2) Recap

2009-01-13T02:01:00.021-06:00

Last week, we saw 25 women shamelessly throw themselves at a man they had never even met. This week, I'm looking forward to seeing 15 women shamelessly throw themselves at a man they have barely met. If last week was any indication, Shannon will be creepy, Megan will shout obscenities, Stephanie will cake on some make-up, and Jillian will be Canadian. Bring on the date boxes.

The bitch fights (and my review/recap) begin after the jump.

We start off with a recap, like usual. Okay, I have to ask...why do they insist on showing Deanna rejecting Jason over and over again? We get it. We don’t need to watch how horrible it was for him over and over and over again. Jason compliments a lot of the women, and then talks about Renee, “I don’t get it.” Neither do we Jason, neither do we. He says that Shannon clearly knows the most about him. Uh...way to state the obvious, buddy. When talking about the girl he had the biggest connection with, Jason says that “it was really easy with Nikki.” Not the first or last time someone has said that about one of these girls, I’m sure. Megan says that she’s not used to people hating her? How is that even possible? Because honestly, she’s really really unlikable. Plenty of people have to dislike her. Probably at least half of the people she encounters. Maybe more. So, that was a seven minute intro before the show even started. Kind of ridiculous. I feel gypped! But oh well, onto the show!

The girls all show up in a limo, ready to move into the house. Chris Harrison, thank god, is there to greet them. We do not see nearly enough of Chris Harrison in the show. The girls are impressed by the house. Shocking. One notes about the pool, “It’s warm. It’s really warm”. No duh, it’s a pool. What did you expect, ice water?

Then Chris Harrison calls everyone together to announce, I dunno, the rules or something. In case the girls haven’t all watched the show obsessively in the past. He goes over the usual...roses, dates, etc. Ohh...now something is different. Not everyone will be going on a date with Jason every week. I agree with the girls when they say this sucks, because I thought the point was to get to know him.

Jason shows up randomly to hang out with the girls by the pool. I totally underestimated Jason. He might actually be the best bachelor ever. He actually wants to get to know them in a casual setting. Hopefully his pool party will go better than Deanna’s did. Maybe the girls will come across (and look) more real. Stephanie perhaps? I can only hope.

Jason calls Megan over to talk to make sure she’s okay, which is sweet of him. Jason assures her that she would have gotten a rose either way, and she’s super relieved. Man, I dislike her, but I did feel for her a little bit there....until she started talking more. Then I was over her again.

A lot of the girls, including Stephanie (who does, in fact, look way better with less makeup), are very impressed at the sight of Jason with his shirt off. Natalie, who I didn’t like so much last time, does a pretty darn good slow-motion interpretation of how the girls looked at Jason when he took his shirt off. I’m definitely starting to like her.

Jillian says she thought Jason was a ketchup person. Another part of her theory...“Once your kraut, you’re out.” That catch phrase would have been cuter without the Canadian accent. Is the whole “how to judge a man by what he puts on his hotdog” topic going to be only thing Jillian talks about with Jason? Because I’m sick of it already.

Shannon discusses her game plan, which involves rubbing Jason down. Not a bad plan, actually. God knows I’ve won many guys over that way. Just kidding. I’m not a whore. Jason asks if Shannon feels like she’s “gotten a lot of the craziness out of her life”, and she says she does, which is weird, because I saw a hell of a lot of craziness from her last episode. Jason likes that Shannon tells him how much she wants to be there. She definitely seems a bit less stalkerish today. The way she looked at him continues to be creepy, though. It was like she wanted to butter him up and eat him, which, honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked if she did.

A rose comes with an envelope for Jason. It’s from the very important Chris Harrison. Jason is supposed to give the rose to the woman he wants to spend an evening with that night. The competition is sooo on.

Lauren is talking to Jason about what the experience being on the show was like for him. And how he wanted her to have a rose. And something about quizzes. And the languages her grandfather spoke. Okay. I’m not going to go so far as to say I like Lauren, but I do see a competitive edge in her that I like. Competition isn’t necessarily a bad thing, even on this show.

Naomi, who slaps bitches, also worked with orphans. Suuuure.

Nikki gives Stephanie advice on getting 1-on-1 time, which is actually super nice. Jason is talking to Natalie, and yeah, I definitely like Natalie now. Stephanie awkwardly stands behind Natalie and Jason as they talk, but handles it graciously and is embarrassed by how awkward it was. I’m glad she’s self-aware enough to know she should be embarrassed. I like her. She seems reasonable. How weird for this show.

Now Jason grabs the rose, and everyone gets super nervous. Natalie thinks she’ll get the rose, and I think she’s wrong. Jason offers the rose to Jillian, who I am quickly losing patience with. Did Stephanie never get her 1-on-1 time? That’s crappy.

Natalie runs upstairs and cries because Jillian got the date, and Raquel comforts her. I knew I liked Raquel. I like it when the girls can help each other through this because they are obviously dealing with the same things. Hopefully Natalie gets over this though, because when they get too upset it starts to annoy me. Dating more than one girl at once is kind of the point of the show...

Lauren says (jokingly) that she’s glad she didn’t get the date because Jillian didn’t have time to do her hair. If she got the date, she would have had to wear her hair curly....or (gasp) in a ponytail. Eh, whatever you have to say to make yourself feel better about it.

Jillian and Jason’s date is at Disney Hall, where Deanna took Jesse. Is this a sign? I want Jillian to stop talking. Her accent is so annoying. I can’t even concentrate on what she’s saying because it’s all I can hear. If she says “Get out,” one more time, I’ll fly to Canada and strangle her. Inside Disney Hall, Jason (and by Jason I mean the producers), has arranged for a private performance for them by Robin Thicke. Is it just me, or would these private performances be awkward? They dance and Jillian talks about how amazing the date was. Jillian almost sounds like she is going to cry every time she gives an interview. Does that mean things went badly or she is just overwhelmed with joy?

Switch to the girls talking about their date, and if they think they’ve kissed yet. A date box arrives for Melissa. The card says “Let’s take our relationship to new heights,” so...some sort of helicopter or plane ride? Cut to shot of Megan looking pissed...big surprise.

Now we go back to Jason and Jillian, dancing. Talking head Jillian talks about how romantic and intimate it was, and then we see them kissing. A lot. So, Jillian scores the first kiss.

Jillian returns home for the date, and the girls want to hear everything. She admits that they kissed. Melissa gets nervous because of that.

Now it’s time for Melissa’s date. Talking head Melissa says she was in a relationship from age 15 to 22, and that this is her first real date in 3 years. She afraid of being too nervous. Jason says that Melissa fits the mold of the type of girl he goes for, but he’s afraid girls that fit that mold aren’t ready to settle down.

Their date starts on the beach. Melissa brings up being a Cowboys cheerleader (finally). They talk a bit, and Jason is surprised that Melissa has been in a long relationship, wants to teach, and loves children. I guess he’s surprised that she has depth?

Cut to the girls, and a date box arrives. The date is for Natalie, Erika, Naomi, Nikki, Lauren, Kari, Sharon, and Molly. “Let’s put the glam into Hollywood glamour”. Megan, Shannon, Stephanie, Raquel, and Lisa all don’t have dates with Jason, which could be a definite disadvantage at the rose ceremony.

Back to the Melissa/Jason date...a Goodyear blimp/magic eight ball shows up. Melissa is very impressed. Then the Goodyear blimp/wingman gets Jason a kiss. The blimp then asks if they want to go for a ride. Wait, is she dating Jason or the blimp? They get in, and the camera pans to a shot of a rose in the blimp. The sun is setting as they go for the ride, and it’s actually really cool. Jason asks Melissa to accept the rose (which we all expected) and they kiss again. Jason says it’s been a long time since he’s had a passionate kiss like that. Sucks for Jillian, eh?

Jason takes the group date girls (Molly, Sharon, Naomi, Nikki, Kari, Natalie, and Erica) on a Pretty Woman-esque shopping spree and then takes them to a hotel. Kind of a side note, but I would just like to reiterate the fact that Sharon annoys me.

Erica talks about how it’s hard dating someone who’s dating others, because it feels like cheating. Her last boyfriend cheated on her with a 52 year old. Whoa. What does that say about her, exactly?

Now it’s bikini time, a staple of like...every date on the bachelor. Jason decides to hold a talent show. He does some sort of break dancing, which isn't really break dancing at all. Kari, Molly, and Sharon do “synchronized swimming”. Molly steals Jason for one-on-one time. She claims her real talent is that she’s a good kisser. I see. And then she demonstrates. Yeah, I don’t think someone could use that line and not annoy me.

Nikki and Natalie fight because Natalie wants to talk about who Jason is kissing and Nikki doesn’t...or something equally stupid. Nikki doesn’t think Natalie is the person who is right for “not only Ty, but also Jason”. She also tells the camera that she’s only kissed one person since she was 17. Whoa. How old is she?

Nikki and Jason have 1-on-1 time, and Nikki talks about how a lot of the other girls aren’t ready to be Moms. I liked her last episode, but she needs to pull the stick out of her ass.

Naomi takes him away so that they can “talk AND kiss, which will be way better than the kiss with Molly”. Clearly someone’s in it for ~~competition~~ true love. Jason tells Naomi she is a good person (who handles bitches with a slap), and they kiss. That makes 4 girls so far. Now, Naomi tells the camera she doesn’t want to be petty. I would have found it easier to believe if she hadn’t excitedly told the camera that her kiss with Jason was longer than Molly’s only minutes earlier.

Now it’s rose time! And Jason picks...Molly. Naomi’s kiss might have been longer, but I guess he liked Molly’s better.

They arrive at the house. Jason walks the girls in, and Raquel sneaks into the limo to steal some 1-on-1 time with him. He comes in, and she says, “Did you have enough of me already?” She might have meant it as a joke, but it sounds kind of...creepy. She comes across...desperate or something here. And the whole thing is just super awkward. Then she tells the camera she wants Jason to fall so in love with her he never wants to be with anyone else for the rest of his life if she dies. Those Brazilians are a passionate bunch, huh?

Now (with 50 minutes left), it’s Rose Ceremony night, I guess. Jason wants to use the night to get to know the girls he didn’t have dates with.

Jason talks to Kari, who was upset she didn’t get 1-on-1 time on the date. Wouldn’t you get so sick of having to reassure insecure girls?

Oh look! Now we’re onto Jason reassuring Lauren. She wants him to initiate things. Things like what exactly? Jason thinks she might need more than he can give her at the moment.

Nikki and Melissa talk about how the girls might be more selfish than selfless. Even though I think Nikki might be a little too serious, she does have a good point. I suppose it’s better to be serious about this than to think it’s just a fun way to get on TV.

Now Jason talks to Shannon, who thinks he doesn’t remember her name...but stalkers are hard to forget! Jason quizzes Shannon...on him. She doesn’t want to talk about it, because well, she might actually realize how creepy it is. Shannon has trouble holding a conversation with him, because he’s cute. Jason has mixed feelings about her stalkerness.

Megan says that she thinks she and Stephanie are both “magnificent women”. Is it just me, or should you maybe not say something like that about yourself? Stephanie tells the girls what happened to her husband. She and the other girls get very choked up about it, and this moment actually felt more genuine than when she told Jason. I guess she wanted to keep the mood lighter the first time she met Jason.

Jason and Stephanie talk about her daughter, Sophia, whose birthday is the next day. Stephanie tells the camera that she's pretty much scoping out Jason as a father figure for her daughter.

Now onto 1-on-1 time with Lisa. She tells him that her grandmother has cancer and just found out she's terminal. Lisa decides to leave to be with her family. I respect that she made that decision, because I think some people (cough Sharon cough) have put Jason in front of the rest of their lives without any sort of commitment from him. Talking heads of Shannon and Lauren, who are happy that there’s one less girl to compete with. Nice.

Megan gets her alone time now. Her son’s name is Deacon Sawyer? What the frick? They’re talking, but Jason is stolen by Molly, who’s carrying her rose with her. I don’t like Megan, but that was a crappy move on Molly's part. They talk about how Molly is “chill”. Sure. She says she can’t be selfish, which is odd since she just cut into Megan’s time.

When Megan goes back inside and talks to the girls, Erica commiserates with Megan, and then tells Molly that she doesn’t think she did anything wrong. Megan calls her out on it and Erica then flips her shit and storms out of the room. Why in the world am I siding with Megan here? I can’t stand the girl. Eh, I hope they both get sent home. Yay for girl fights!

Transition to Jason talking to Nikki. He says that she has “amazing qualities”, as the camera pans up her chest. Nikki talks AGAIN to him about some of the girls aren’t ready for what he wants.

Erica’s still upset about the Megan thing. Apparently the fact that Megan hasn’t had confrontations before means she hasn’t been real with people. Um...or she’s not a total bitch. Erica points out to Megan that she got the most votes, and Megan reminds Erica that she got the second most. Touché. Erica reveals that she thinks her name was put down second most because she was a threat. Really? REALLY?? Wow, she is delusional for sure.

Chris Harrison comes in (FINALLY) to say that it’s time for Jason to go deliberate.

In the deliberation room, Jason tells the dashing Chris Harrison that he can tell that the girls are vying for his attention more than before. Stephanie is still “amazing”. I kind of agree. He says he feels bad she’s going to miss her daughter’s birthday. So, that means she’s staying? Lauren wasn’t comfortable tonight, and Jason thinks she might be a little too high maintenance. Quite true. Jason has a ton in common with Nikki, and thinks she really cares that things turn out well for him. Maybe, but she’s a bit too intense, I think. Jason is relieved that Shannon doesn’t actually know everything about him; I’m a bit relieved too. Maybe she’s not going to murder him when she leaves. Now they discuss Raquel, who seemed desperate. Jason thinks she goes after what she wants, and he definitely notices her. Jason talks about how hard this is. As for who’s going home, I’m going to guess Sharon (since we didn’t see her at all), and maybe Erica (God willing) or Raquel (her insecurity definitely showed). If it were up to me, though, it’d be Erica and Leno-chinned Naomi. We’ll see what Jason thinks.

It’s time for the roses! Jillian, Melissa, and Molly already have them, so they’re safe. And the roses go to:

Megan (the mom): Trashy, but she was right in the fight with Erica.

Nikki (the “mom” to the group): Mommy complex perhaps?

Lauren (the attention whore): Maybe she’ll stop whining now.

Naomi (the bitch): Well, there go my hopes...

Stephanie (the widow): Guess she’ll miss her daughter’s party.

Kari (from Kansas): Not much to say, we really didn’t see much of her this episode.

Natalie (the funny one): I’m glad she got it, so you can suck it Nikki.

Shannon (the stalker): She lives to stalk another day.

Chris Harrison come out and tells us that this is the final rose. And it goes to…

Erica (ewwwww): Just ew. Jason, I am very disappointed in you...

That means Raquel and Sharon are going home. Not big surprises there. I guess that the awkward limo conversation with Raquel turned Jason off. I can’t say I blame him. And Sharon, well, I think we all saw this one coming. The only reason she wasn’t one of the ones I wanted gone was because I knew she wouldn’t last long either way. Sharon handles the rejection alright. Raquel thinks maybe she was too aggressive, and I’d kind of agree. Wait, did she just say she fell in love with Jason? What? No.

Anyway, next week on the Bachelor: Stephanie gets a 1-on-1 date and her daughter shows up, the girls all make molds of their breasts, and (shockingly) there’s a lot of drama at the rose ceremony. I, for one, can’t wait!

Core Four
There’s still 12 left, so this shouldn’t have been as hard as it was. We did manage to pick though.

Melissa: Still cute and bubbly, but we saw that she has depth to her too. Once again, what’s not to like?

Natalie: We weren’t that fond of her last episode, but she’s shown that she’s fun and has a sense of humor. Our minds have officially been changed.

Stephanie: She’s classy, rational, and self-aware...kind of makes you wonder why she’s on the Bachelor, huh?

Lisa: Okay, she may have left tonight, but we really respect the fact that she values her family more than fame. Sadly, we don’t think all the girls would have made the same choice.

So...who would you all put in your Core Four? Who do you want to see gone (check our our poll on this question too)? Who do you think deserves a 1-on-1 date with Jason next episode?

Core Four Reasons Jason is in our Core Four (Again)

2009-01-13T01:56:00.006-06:00

1) Got to give it to the guy, he looks good without a shirt on. We are definitely not complaining about any pool time.

2) Even though he kissed Jillian, he liked kissing Melissa more, and we like him for that.

3) He “break-dances” like a nerdy white boy, and it’s really cute.

4) We appreciate that he made a point to spend time with the girls in a more relaxed setting. Pool parties are always fun, unless you’re Deanna.

More pictures later!

Core Four Reasons Melissa is in our Core Four (Again)

2009-01-13T01:43:00.004-06:00

1) Like Jason, we were glad to hear that Melissa aspires to more than just being a cheerleader.

2) She may not have been the first kiss, but she was obviously the best...the chemistry is definitely there.

3) Unlike some people (cough Molly cough), she let the girls who didn't already have roses spend time with Jason before the Rose Ceremony.

4) It was endearing how nervous she was before her date. And the fact that she dated the same guy from age 15 to 22 and hasn't had a date in a few years means she's not a slut. How many of these girls can you say that about?

Core Four Reasons Stephanie is in our Core Four

2009-01-13T01:34:00.001-06:00

1. Without make-up plastered to her face, she’s actually pretty. We’re glad she let her natural beauty shine this week.

2. The bonus clip at the end of the episode was hilarious. She may have brought a whole department store with her, but at least she has a sense of humor about it.

3. You can tell she cares a lot about her daughter AND is acting in a manner that her daughter wouldn’t be embarrassed by (unlike Megan).

4. She seems to have class and tact, two things that most of these girls couldn’t spot if they were dangling in front of their faces.

More pictures here later!

Core Four Reasons Natalie is in our Core Four

2009-01-13T01:15:00.004-06:00

1) She has a sense of humor - her impression of the girls reacting to Jason shirtless cracked us up.

2) She's the blondest one left. Yay for diversity (or at least as close to diversity as we're going to get on this show).

3) Even though her breakdown might signal that she can't handle the situation, it did seem like she cared about time with Jason more than competition.

4) I can't help it...gotta give love to my fellow Chicago girls!

The Bachelor 13: Jason Mesnik - The Return of Deanna Pappas

2009-01-11T17:06:00.006-06:00

There's quite a bit of speculation about what will happen when Deanna comes to the Bachelor to talk to Jason (who she so cruelly rejected last season AFTER LETTING HIM PROPOSE).

The facts:

1) Deanna makes some sort of appearance on the show, saying “I think I made a mistake”.
2) She also says, “You haven’t proposed yet. You still have a chance”.
3) She had already broken up with Jesse when she appeared on the show

That’s pretty much it. So basically...it could be anything. Obviously the producers want us to believe that she’s showing up to say that she screwed up by not picking Jason, is in love with him, and wants another chance. But honestly, how likely is that?

Read my theory after the jump.

Deanna may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but is she really THAT stupid? I’m going to guess no. Jason’s doing the show. He’s over her. And just because Deanna would have taken Brad back months after he rejected her, it doesn’t mean Jason’s the same way. And I think she knows better than that. Plus, honestly, she didn’t want Jason then, why would she want him now? Clearly if she was going to chase after anyone, it’d be Graham. Wait...has she shown up at his house yet? Do we get to see that?

More likely, Deanna is coming to warn Jason about some sort of mistake she made on the show...rushing into things, not considering certain factors, being a self-involved bimbo...that sort of thing. Not quite as dramatic, but I’m sure her arrival will still stir up lots of drama with the girls. Didn’t the previews show Shannon saying Deanna’s presence made her want to hurl herself off the balcony or something like that?

I hope I’m wrong though, and Deanna shows up asking for another chance. I’d love to see Jason reject her. Karma’s a bitch.

So...what do you all think? Theories? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

It's official...Chet IS Blayne

2009-01-09T02:49:00.004-06:00

So, after watching the Real World: Brooklyn, we noticed an uncanny resemblance between Real Worlder Chet Cannon and the flamboyant Blayne Walsh of Project Runway fame.

Besides the obvious physical similarities, they both have a penchant for neon colors, sewing, and artful hair styling. At first we thought it was just a coincidence, but we're onto you, Blayne. That's one way to prolong your 15 minutes of fame...

We'll now officially be referring to Chet as Blayne.

Is there anything after the jump?

No.

Real World: Brooklyn (Episode 1) Recap

2009-01-09T02:23:00.014-06:00

Welcome to the Real World: Brooklyn. This is season 21. Holy crap, that means that there are at least 148 psychopaths on the loose not even counting replacements. This season we move into Brooklyn. With so many seasons they must be running out of real places to live. I’d feel gypped if I was on this season while other people got to live in Paris, Sydney, San Diego, Las Vegas, hell, even Philly. Now lets meet some truly awful human beings.

Spoilers after the jump.

Ryan- 23- His first and second kiss were on the same day? That’s revolutionary. In a barn? So this guy’s the hick of the group? It should be interesting seeing him deal with Iraq. Perhaps he’ll do so by singing shirtless in army pants. I have a feeling that he might not have quite moved past that yet as evidenced by his apparent rage issues.

Katelynn- 24- OK, I was about to comment that she was manly looking, but never mind. A transgender in Montana, how’s that working out for you? I’d pack up and go to Brooklyn too.

Chet- 23- Sewing? So is he the gay one? Or wait, Blayne is that you? How clever of him to go on another reality show with a different name. This guy is afraid that he’s going to get shot in Brooklyn. Well, the neon color clothing isn’t exactly camouflaging you in.

Devyn- 20- She’s a beauty queen... does not bode well. This one is only 20, but how will she party? Now, Devyn said, “You have better chance of getting into heaven than getting into Devyn.” I’ll try to believe you but I have a feeling heaven is about to get a little fuller, wait, or hell? This is so confusing!

Blayne and Devyn are the first two to meet. We find out Blayne is Mormon, could have seen that coming since he’s from Salt Lake City. Blayne said it was a breath of fresh air to meet Devyn, and I’m not quite sure what that even means, nor do I want to.

Baya- 21- For a girl named Baya (Baya, seriously) she seems pretty normal, must be some crazy under there. OK, just saw her dancing, and now understand exactly why she’s here.

Baya and Ryan meet up and Ryan admits that he assumed that Baya was Mormon because she’s from Salt Lake City. Thanks Ryan, I agree, that’s why I (correctly) assumed Blayne was Mormon. In conclusion, Baya’s lying, everyone from Utah is Mormon. Ryan has already asserted that Baya “gets him” after meeting for 5 seconds.

Sarah- 22- Tons of tattoos, yuck, bad first impression. Wait, she said that she was the complete opposite… of tattoos, what does that even mean? All those tattoos are a complete waste because she would be a cute girl without them.

JD- 22- JD tells us that part of the reason he came onto the Real World was to try to get a family from the experience. Good luck buddy.

Sarah and JD meet up next and oh boy, JD trains dolphins. Wow! Thank you, God. I wasn’t sure if there was something to make fun of about the guy because he seemed normal. Real World is the best…where did they find this guy? An arrogant dolphin trainer… that’s rich. OK, bad first impression of Sarah but if she wants to help victims of abuse she can’t be all bad, right? According to Sarah this is the first guy she’s dated after only dating girls, and he’s “the one”. I hope she enjoyed the Gay Conversion Camp her mom sent her to. And JD’s gay too, which Sarah is very excited about! This is the gayest Real World I’ve ever seen; even a (supposedly) straight guy sews.

Scott- 23- “I work in a gym” were the first word from his mouth and I already know exactly what kind of guy he is. Plus he’s from New Hampshire and because (and only because) I don’t want to offend anyone from New Hampshire because they scare the shit out of me, I won’t comment on his accent. Actually, screw it, I hate New Hampshire accents.

So now Scott and Katelynn (who, by the way, obviously chose her own name and thus has no excuse for the stupid spelling) meet up. I hope people are OK with the fact that Katelynn is transgender but I get the feeling this might cause some awkward talks, particularly with Mormon Blayne or Hick Ryan. Scott and Katelynn seem to be getting along well enough, but we’ll see after he finds out.

So who gets to see the house first and get the best rooms? The winners are… Blayne and Devyn. Cue the montage of the house. They seem surprised that the house is huge. Really? Have they ever seen the show before?

Time for awkward questions! Devyn admits she thought that Blayne might be gay and Blayne thinks it’s really funny because he’s definitely not…. uhhh. Ok.

More roommates come in, including an overexcited Baya who might have had some sort of attack. Ryan has never met a “Chet” before and also thinks that he’s gay. Ryan thinks Scott looks like him but “not ripped or anything,” but Ryan can’t really keep a straight face for that line. I think I just might like Ryan. “My first impressions of Katelynn: There’s something definitely different about her.” How right you are, Ryan!

Sarah and JD show up next and Katelynn brilliantly figures out that there’s 8 roommates. She’s so good at counting. Ryan, the oh-so-observant one, thinks that JD is “well-kept looking” which must mean he’s, gasp, metrosexual.

First real confessional of the season goes to Sarah, who, in a shocking twist, is excited. She continues on to wow me with this one, “My book of life has such dynamic new characters. It’s going to be the best story ever written.” Well, you’ll have to be the one to tell that to The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift screenwriter, bitch.

Baya and Scott are roommates because Scott prefers to room with a girl since they’re cleaner, but, Scott, did you forget that JD is “well-kept”? Katelynn and Devyn room together because Devyn claims they clicked from the beginning. An airhead beauty queen and a down-to-earth transgender, it’s a match made in heaven, which incidentally is easier to get into than Devyn. On second thought, maybe they bonded over their penchant for putting Y's in places they don't belong, specifically, their names. The next roommate set is Sarah and JD, who actually did seem to click from the beginning. Finally, we’ve got Blayne and Ryan rooming together. Ryan says he’s glad that Blayne’s his roommate and I’m not very surprised by this pairing.

As the roommates are unpacking, Ryan throws out this little gem about his girlfriend (who I can only assume based on past seasons he’ll cheat on) “Her name is Michelle, but I call her Belle because I’m a big Beatles fan.” OK then. We find out Blayne’s a virgin. I don’t think we’ve had one of those on the show since Lacey from Real World: Austin. And that was six seasons ago. This one is a rare gem.

Scott happily tells everyone that he won a Best Abs on the East Coast Contest. Seems prestigious. I’ll be sending my congratulatory flowers later. Dervyn thinks Scott’s the hottest in the house, and I disagree with her. First of many disagreements I’m sure. For the record, it’s Ryan.

Ryan correctly guesses that Katelynn is transgender but the rest of the housemates are shocked that he would say that and screech, screech I tell you, “NO!” I’m sure Katelynn herself wouldn’t have been so offended, although I’m not sure transgenderish is the look most transgender people are going for.

Hot tub time, a first episode of Real World classic. Ryan can’t look Devyn in the eyes because he’s looking straight into her boobs. He asks if fake boobs float differently and she shimmies and bounces her breasts. Wait, isn’t Devyn harder to get into than heaven? Blayne, the virgin, says that she is just asking for someone to touch them. God’s definitely OK with that as long as you don’t have sex with her.

Some of the guys now discuss how there’s something different about Katelynn. All of them but Blayne think she’s transgender, and Ryan is inordinately proud of the fact that he was the first to call it, as if transgender spotting is some sort of game (unlike Sight the Lady of the Night, which is). Blayne just thinks that she’s a manly looking girl and quips “Dude, she played with my nipple.” Wait, that was OK when she was a girl? Is this going to be the whole episode because, um, boring? Katelynn you clearly have a man voice, just tell people the truth so we can move on.

We get some great shots of group bonding, such as playing Rock Band (Published by MTV games, get yours for only $139.99) and doing gymnastics moves, just the usual.

It comes out that Katelynn has had a fivesome and she explains the downsides such as having to “worry about what goes where,” that there’s always “something that’s not being attended to,” and “it’s just a mess. I’ll consider myself warned. Classic reaction shots from Ryan. Now where in Montana is Katelynn from again?

Katelynn calls her mom and comments that she’s “sort of” the only LGBT person there because she clearly doesn’t understand what LGTB stands for. I mean, she goes on to describe Sarah as bisexual. Isn’t that the B in LGBT?

Ryan is talking on the phone with his girlfriend Michelle ma Belle and she asks him if it’s split 4 girls 4 guys. His response is “sort of”. Ryan just can’t seem to get over the Katelynn thing. I must reiterate, Katelynn, everyone knows, just say your transgender. If this drags on for more than one episode I will not be a happy camper. I can only take so much of this. I would be fine with watching people’s reactions to the fact that Katelynn is transgender, her dealing with their reactions, her own emotions, or anything else possibly related to the fact that she’s transgender, but this will she, won’t she tell them thing has gotten old.

The roommates go out to explore Brooklyn, see some crappy live music, and dance together awkwardly. Devyn that she announces that she has a crush on Scott in case we hadn’t picked up on that yet. Apparently he’s a sweetheart, but I guess MTV is sneakily hiding that side of him to us. At this point Ryan get totally wasted. JD handles the situation really well and has his back without being self-righteous about it. He even got him to drink water, not such an easy thing to do, trust me.

Sarah and Ryan had a really nice talk about Ryan’s time in Iraq. From what he says, he’s dealing with it pretty well, but you can tell that there are some issues that he still has to work out about it. Ryan shows her the book transcript he wrote about his experiences. I didn’t even know that any of these people had the capacity to read. Despite myself, I have to admit, that was actually a nice moment. I guess that was the human interest part of the episode.

Back to the fluff. Blayne plays guitar and Ryan coincidentally also plays, and luckily for my eardrums, he sings too. So, maybe he should stick to just guitar. Blayne agrees and politely tells him he should pursue a career in songwriting, smooth. Now Blayne and Ryan write a little ditty about the 8 roommates. Probably the highlight of the show. Scott’s song consist of his love of working out and eating (healthy food only) with lines including “Scott ate roast beef, and cut off the fat.” Next they cover Blayne’s latent homosexuality which Blayne describes as metrosexuality that is “not a sin”. Girlicious!

Now back to the drawn out story line that should just end already. Ryan looks to check if he can see Katelynn’s balls in her pink underwear. I suppose one of the many, many reasons why I will never be on the Real World is that I would never prance about in my underwear 2 days after I had met people, package or not. Katelynn is worried about telling the roommates because she thinks Blayne and Ryan wouldn’t be very accepting. I can’t imagine why she would think that. JD invited her to dinner and I can only assume he is going to come out to her and hoping she will reciprocate. I would like to point out the great editing job by MTV. A shot of JD ironing while Ryan says something is off about him, subtle. Ryan thinks he has amazing gaydar which is going off hard-core when JD is around. Blayne says he doesn’t have gaydar, which might be why he doesn’t realize that he himself is gay.

At this point we get to see Ryan, Blayne, and JD discuss Katelynn and Ryan calls her “it”. Definitely not OK, with me or JD. While Blayne is showering, he tells a gayfaced Scott about JD and Katelynn going out to dinner and Scott still doesn’t think Katelynn was born male. Really? She has a man voice, is muscular, taller than you, and recently went to Thailand. Let’s put 2 and 2 together Scott, c’mon!

JD and Katelynn have a nice conversation in the cab about their lives. JD had a rough childhood, and Katelynn didn’t have it much better. As predicted, JD comes out and Katelynn tells him she’s transgender. Cue the crying and warm embrace. This is sweet and all but… ummm… when are they going to go party? Isn’t this the Real World? If someone would just scream “You don’t know me!” at someone else while being held back by another roommate I would feel a lot more at ease.

We end with montage of the divided house. Team LGBT (Katelynn and JD), Bigot City (Blayne and Ryan), The Neglected (Baya and Sarah), and Dumbassville (Devyn and Scott). Let the bloodbath begin.

Core Four
Now, I have to start out by saying that this is the Real World, and though there’s an extra person on this season, eight is slim pickings with these people.

JD: Besides his hilarious profession, he seems to be the most normal castmate. He took care of drunkass Ryan and handles the Katelynn situation like a pro. Not too bad for a Real Worlder.

Sarah: She’s not yet been annoying and actually seems like she might be a decent human being. Now, if she would just get those nasty tattoos removed.

Baya: It’s not so much that we like her, but more that she’s had about 40 seconds of screen time. We’ll reserve judgment until we actually hear her speak.

Katelynn: We’re so sick of the drama about whether she’ll tell people she’s transgender, but she’s not an idiot (Devyn and Scott) or homophobic (Ryan and Blayne), so she seemed the natural choice for the Core Four.

The Bachelor: Jason Mesnik (Episode 1) Recap

2009-01-08T20:54:00.017-06:00

Welcome to the Bachelor 13: Jason Mesnik. The first ever single daddy edition of the Bachelor. Finding someone ready to be a stepmom puts a whole new twist on the competition, and by competition, I obviously mean that these girls are all here for the right reason, which is ~~fame-whoring~~ finding true love. I actually like Jason quite a bit, so I genuinely do hope this works out for him…I just don’t think it will. I mean, with Trista and Ryan being the only married couple to ever come out of the show, the odds aren’t looking too good. Of course, SOMEONE has to succeed, right? Maybe? Anyway, on to the main event. It’s been a while since I’ve seen 25 orange sluts, so I’m really pumped for tonight’s episode.

The desperation (and my review/recap) begins after the jump.

We begin by watching how Deanna let Jason propose (20 seconds down on his knees? REALLY?), only to shoot him down. Fun times. Now we further recap Jason’s pain by seeing him have to listen to Deanna’s half-ass attempt at explaining why she couldn’t possibly stop someone from complimenting and professing their love for her. Jason handles the situation with class…a stark contrast to Deanna’s self-involved babble. You know…last season I was really cheering for Deanna to choose Jason, now I realize that could actually be considered child abuse in some states. Imagine having Deanna as your stepmom. I was so wrong.

Cue montages of Jason playing with Ty (freaking adorable), taking his shirt off, looking out reflectively at Puget Sound, working out with no shirt on, playing with Ty some more, standing around not wearing a shirt, and being shirtless. Clearly ABC knows what the ladies want.

We now see that Jason heads down to LA, bringing with him his adorable son and faceless brother. Is he tragically disfigured? Chemical burn, perhaps? Have we got a phantom of the mansion on our hands? Or did he just forget to sign the release form?

Now we get a (not so brief) brief introduction to the type of crazy that we’re going to be seeing on the show. One girl, Shannon, runs on the treadmill ~~threatening~~ vowing, “I’m coming for you Jason. (Editor’s note…this is much creepier knowing what she says later on.) Raquel, a pretty Brazilian, has brought 32 pairs of shoes with her…a girl after my own heart. Next we see Jillian, a kooky interior designer who “shows off” her Canuck pedigree by standing around a firepit drinking beer…as if we didn’t believe she was Canadian. Side note…are paintings on the ceiling somehow acceptable in Canada? Then there’s Dominique, who gives a corny intro to her town that I didn’t really pay attention to, because I was too busy stabbing my eyes out with a set of chopsticks. Then there’s Melissa, who looks a lot like Deanna. She’s cute and bubbly and will probably do well. Next they force Nikki, a beauty queen from Illinois (reppin’ the Prairie State!), to do chores in her sash and crown, while holding a wand. What kind of beauty competition was that? It looks like the producers just puked Cinderella all over her. Next we meet a real gem, Renee, whose eyes are only out-crazied by her vision boards (highlights from her romance board: “orgasmic”, “our marriage, and photos of diamond rings). Then there’s Jackie, a wedding planner, who says that planning other people’s weddings is the “hardest thing”. Yeah...either that, losing your limbs in a landmine, or having to listen to Renee talk about her vision boards. Somebody needs a new job. Our next lucky bachelorette is Stephanie, a widow with a young daughter, whose husband, uhhhh, “took a flight to Heaven” (and that’s not insensitive, because those are HER OWN WORDS). Still, I think I could like her if she ditched the 5 layers of foundation. Girl needs a new look. Lauren seems cute, but called herself attractive. You’re on notice, Lauren. Next we have a tribute to cattiness, with each girl blending into the next. The standout of the bunch, Naomi talks about how she “handles bitches with a slap”. Not to be outdone, Molly woefully admits how she suffers at the hands of other girls, who are “jealous of her confidence”. I hate to break it to you, but if you’re 24 and truly believe the reason girls don’t like you is because of your confidence, you’re in denial. My guess? You’re a bitch.

So...seems like a pretty solid bunch. Wouldn’t you think that women wanting to become a 3-year-old’s stepmom would maybe pretend to be caring people, or, at the very least, move past a junior high mentality? Not if you’re watching the Bachelor. And, speaking of junior high antics, we now see the girls in the limo, shrieking and spelling out Jason’s name in a cheer. If I were him, I’d run.

As a lovely break from all the estrogen, we get to spend a little time with the hardest working host on TV, the oh-so-talented Chris Harrison (I kid, but I really do love me some Chris Harrison. Like...a lot). He reminds Jason of how “unlucky in love” he is. Didn’t we already cover that at the beginning of the episode?

Now it’s time for Jason to meet ~~a bunch of sluts~~ his future wife. Here’s a five word summary of each of the meetings:

Lauren: Birthday girl. Will get rose

Kari: Kari from Kansas. That’s all.

Melissa: Admits nerves. No cheerleading mention.

Sharon: DON’T SLOUCH. Dancing was weird.

Natalie: Chi-town. No TV. Orange Skin.

Naomi: Keeps pulling up her dress.

Megan: Claims mentioning son was "accidental”.

Stacia: Like her, and her hair.

Jackie: Dallas apparently has eight syllables.

Lisa: Idaho potatoes. Might like her.

Stephanie: Has she had work done?

Treasure: Stripper name. Claims it’s real.

Raquel: Love her dress. Love it.

Shelby: Cute. Funny. I like her.

Nikki: Chicago. Nothing else of note.

Molly: Challenges golf swing. Awkwardness ensures.

Erica: Went to Kirkland. Possible stalker.

Nicole: Wore Ty’s favorite color. Cheesy.

Renee: Still has the crazy eyes.

Jillian: Hotdog condiment theory. Good ploy.

Dominique: Obnoxious voice. Stop giggling. Please.

Emily: Seattle. Could be a plus

Julie: Cute. Teacher. Good with kids?

Ann: Flight attendant. Yeah. That’s all.

Shannon: Joke fake teeth. Endearingly dorky.

And that’s everybody. Cue Chris Harrison...to tell us that’s everybody. The evening begins with a toast to Deanna…fair enough. Jason gives the typical pep talk, and we move into the 1-on-1’s.

Shannon’s first...starting it off as a stalker. Run for the hills, Jason. Here’s the thing…obviously they’re all stalking him on myspace, but admitting to it…bad, bad idea. Poor girl. He looks weirded out. This is kind of painful to watch.

Girls are already getting upset about others getting one on one time with Jason. Isn’t that the point of this time...the whole getting to know him thing?

Jason is lucky enough to get some alone time with the chronic giggler, Dominique. There’s no way he can keep her after listening to that for more than 30 seconds, right? Unless the bunion and hammertoe talk drew him in...

Something is really weirding me out about Sharon, and it’s not just the fact that she quit her job to come here. I suggest they check her suitcase for a gun. Or roofies. The quiet desperation behind her eyes can’t possibly lead to anything good.

Now, I assumed that Jason’s conversation with Shannon would be the most awkward of the night, but that was before Kari read Jason the poem that she wrote for him. It kind of reminds me of one that I wrote...when I was 12. But mine had a more sophisticated rhyme scheme. Seeing someone read a poem to someone else is always awkward. Always. Which is why Nicole, who was sitting three inches away from Jason, looked like she wanted to kill herself. Poor girl.

Jason now finds Jillian in the kitchen, cooking up some wieners. Really? Couldn't she just ask him the question? Jason correctly choose mustard, which begs the question, what would she have done if he had chosen onions? Still, I have to give the girl credit for the unique and memorable hook. Plus, she seems to be pretty down to earth, or actually, this could just be sophistication for Canadians.

Next Jason tells Nikki that he’s been “waiting to talk to her”. Seems like they have an instant connection. And by they, I mean Jason and her breasts. Good lord.

Jason comes up to Renee, Shelby, and, I don’t know, let’s call her Betty. “Betty” and Shelby do a good job of throwing Renee under the bus by bringing up her vision boards, but I think it might be her crazy eyes that do her in. Although, really, is there any bigger turn-off to guys than vision boards?

Raquel grabs Jason to salsa (Sharon is upset that Raquel is stealing her moves...and not slouching while doing so). Molly doesn’t wait too long to cut in. Raquel, in return, steals him right back. Bold, but I approve.

Stephanie’s talking to Jason and says, “My husband was tragically killed in a plane crash”. That sounds…odd. Of course it was tragic. It was a plane crash.

Next, the birthday girl (Lauren) starts quizzing him on the branches of government. Way to win over a man. She just about pees her pants when she thinks she’ll be getting the first impression rose, and isn’t too good at disguising her disappointment when all her gives her is birthday cream puffs.

Now it’s time for a break in the 1-on-1’s. Out comes everyone’s favorite host, Chris Harrison. Chris Harrison tells them that there’s some sort of twist. Oooh! Are they pulling a Tila Tequila on us? Are a bunch of hot eligible bachelors going to come and compete with the girls for Jason’s affection? Sadly, no. The girls just get to vote for the girl that will have to leave. I kind of hate the twist, but I’m wondering if they’ll actually follow through with it. The girls discuss whether they’ll vote for someone they don’t think will be a good match for Jason or who they see as the biggest threat. Man, though, if ABC is trying to convince us of the validity of this show in finding true love, this is not the way to do it. Oh well, names that seem to be mentioned for voting include: Jackie, Raquel, Erika, Melissa, and Megan.

Megan, who pretty much embodies class, goes off with Jason to talks about her 14 month old son and living on a farm or something. She mentions having “donkey” there…which I guess is the plural of...donkey. Apparently she and Jason have some sort of connection, but I find her horribly annoying.

And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for...Jason grabs the first impression rose. Speculation commences, with Melissa’s name being brought up as the possible recipient. Jason says one of the girls really stands out to him...and the lucky recipient is...Nikki's breasts! He offers her the rose, she accepts (big surprise), and he tells her how comfortable he feels with her. She tells the camera she’s happy. Awesome. Great insight, Nikki. They do look cute together though.

Next we see everyone is sitting around together (not staged at all, of course), when the host with the most, Chris Harrison, walks in to say it’s time for the Rose Ceremony. But first…the votes. The girls titter nervously, and Jason is sweating like a ho in church. Chris Harrison reads the top three vote getters. 3rd – Jackie. 2nd – Erica. And, with “by far the most votes,” we have our lucky winner, Megan! Chris Harrison calls Jason up and says Megan WILL be leaving tonight (insert dramatic pause here)…but with a rose in hand. Megan, being classy, calls the girls something that was bleeped out. I’m assuming it was assholes though. They don't have to bleep out "bitches", do they? Jason then gives her the rose. He CLAIMS he was going to give her a rose anyway. Was that before or after she called the other girls assholes? Megan cries about how hurt she is. Yay. I can’t wait for this drama. Brilliant move, Bachelor producers.

Now the multi-talented Chris Harrison takes Jason into the deliberation room to talk about the girls and make his decision. They talk about Shannon’s creepiness, which Jason claims is kind of impressive. Sure, everyone loves a stalker. He says Raquel is incredible sexy. Molly is aggressive, which he respects. Sharon left her job to come, which Jason says won’t get her a pity rose. I hope that’s a promise. Jason’s fine with single parents, so he says, but I think bringing in a stepparent is hard enough. Step siblings make it even worse. It might be hypocritical, but I know I’d put my own child first. I might just be a bitch though. Anyway, he says Stephanie is an amazing person. That’s nice, but is he attracted to her and her clown make-up? Jason believes one of the women is his future wife…but we know that already, because the Bachelor has been saying it over and over and over again. Jason stares at the pictures, making his decision, or perhaps trying to memorize their names so he doesn’t accidentally get stuck with crazy Renee.

Onto the roses. To recap, Nikki and Megan already have them.

First rose goes to Lauren (birthday girl)…no surprise there.

Next, Kari (from Kansas)....but she wrote a poem!

Naomi (who handles bitches with a slap)…ick.

Natalie (from Illinois, but spray tan-tastic)…eh.

Molly (the golfer)…not so surprising.

Raquel (the Brazilian)…yay!

Stephanie (the window)...yes.

Melissa (cheerleader)…also not a surprise.

Jillian (the Canadian)…the hotdog bit worked I guess.

Shannon (the stalker)…girl needs to calm down.

Lisa (potatoes girl)…I’m okay with that.

Sharon (the sloucher)…desperation works, I guess.

The illustrious Chris Harrison comes to tell us it’s the final rose. He’s so amazing. Thank you Chris Harrison. And it goes to…Erika (who?).

Chris Harrison comes back out and, with his insane talent, tells the future spinsters (the ones who didn't get roses) that they must leave. What would we do without him? Stacia is disappointed, but handles the rejection with class. I wish she would have stayed. Renee (who still has crazy eyes) goes on and on, sounding kind of pathetic, but says that her visions boards are still real. And obviously worked out for her really well. A drunken Jackie feels like Jason missed out…because everyone loves a crazy pathetic wedding planner. She already had her wedding to Jason planned (small, maybe 40-50 people, on a beach). Wow. They should hide the razors from Jackie tonight...

In closing, they toast, with some of the girls saying “Opa”, which is awkward since Deanna was the Greek one, not Jason, but yeah. This is the Bachelor, what did I expect?

Core Four
Since it’s super early on in the show and there are lots of options, picking our Core Four girls shouldn’t be too hard. Without any further ado...

Melissa: Cute, bubbly, hasn’t said anything bitchy yet...what’s not to like?

Raquel: Knows what she’s wants, and isn’t going to let any spray tanned bitches stand in her way.

Nikki: Can’t argue with a winner!

Stephanie: Despite her makeup issues, she has obviously overcome a lot in life. Plus, she has a cute Southern accent. We’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

So...who's your core four?

When does my favorite show come back on?

2009-01-08T03:10:00.007-06:00

Everyone loves the holiday season (presents, cookies, passive aggressive family fun, and the uninhibited gorging of holiday food that inevitably leads to a January diet), but it also means that our favorite shows go on hiatus. If you're anything like us, by early January you're ready to have an excuse to hide away in the family room watching TV in your pajamas. To help you out with that, we've compiled a list of when all our (and we can only assume your) favorite reality TV shows start back up again. You're welcome.

See the list after the jump.

The Bachelor 13: Jason Mesnik - Monday, January 5 on ABC
Real World: Brooklyn - Wednesday, January 7 on MTV
Survivor: Tocantins - Thursday, February 12 on CBS
Amazing Race 14 - Sunday, February 15 on CBS
America's Next Top Model: Cycle 12 - Wednesday, March 4 on the CW
Real World/Road Rules: The Duel 2 - Spring 2009 on MTV
Big Brother - Summer on CBS
Project Runway - TBA on Lifetime

Core Four Reasons Jason is in our Core Four

2009-01-08T02:12:00.001-06:00

1) Almost any guy is ten times more attractive when he's playing with a kid.

2) His earnest smile...it's sexy, in a dorky kind of way.

3) No brainer...we know more about him than any of the girls!

4) You can't help but love a guy who bounced back after he spent 20 seconds down on his knees proposing to a girl who flat out rejected him.

See more of Jason's impish grin after the jump.

Core Four Reasons Melissa is in our Core Four

2009-01-08T01:56:00.004-06:00

1. Everyone love a Texas girl… right? Right?

2. She admitted she was nervous. Everyone was thinking it, she was real enough to say it.

3. She talked about football but didn’t tell Jason she was a Cowboys cheerleader. Good restraint.

4. Her cute and bubbly personality seems perfect for Jason’s fun-loving nature.

See more pep after the jump.

Core Four Reasons Nikki is in our Core Four

2009-01-08T01:47:00.001-06:00

1) She's from Chicago...gotta love a hometown girl!

2) She's a beauty queen, yet didn't feel the need to mention it to Jason.

3) They have an obvious connection...first impression rose anyone?

4) Despite the fact that she wants to steal her niece (creepy much?), being good with kids should be an obvious positive for Jason, without the baggage of actually having kids.

See Nikki become the front runner after the jump.

Core Four Reasons Raquel is in our Core Four

2009-01-08T01:40:00.004-06:00

1. She’s from Brazil, speaks 4 languages, is gorgeous, and yet we somehow don’t hate her.

2. She stood out in a group of girls who blend together like spray-tanned Stepford Wives.

3. Girl knows what she wants. She didn’t get enough time with Jason, so she stole him back, but still looked classy doing it.

4. Knows her shoes, enough said.

See Raquel put the moves on Jason after the jump.

What is this place?

2009-01-08T00:10:00.006-06:00

What is Core Four Reviews?
Core Four Reviews is where we (Alissa and Kristen) give our opinions about various TV shows, mostly reality. Our opinions are brutally honest and no one can escape our wrath. If you do something stupid on TV, you deserve every criticism thrown at you. Exceptions include children, blind people, gingers (they can’t help it, they don’t have souls), and the hopelessly pathetic (that includes you Denise Richards!).

What does “Core Four” mean?
On every reality show we choose our four favorite contestants at the end of every episode. These favorites are the official Core Four. They may change over time and even become the most hated, but at the time they represent the four least annoying people on said reality show.

Find out who we are after the jump.

Who are you people?
Who do you think you are asking us that? This is the internet, not a church group!